Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
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TwistItUp
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http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2014/01/man-allegedly-kills-stepdad-with-atomic-wedgie/
Man Allegedly Kills Stepdad with ‘Atomic Wedgie’
Man Allegedly Kills Stepdad with ‘Atomic Wedgie’
herbose
Well-Known Member
A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A leading, local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions; had taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister-in-law. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things.
'But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,"said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
A leading, local politician, who was also a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions; had taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister-in-law. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things.
'But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,"said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
TwistItUp
Well-Known Member
ClaytonBigsby
Well-Known Member
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Don Gin and Ton
Well-Known Member
TwistItUp
Well-Known Member
I bet she thought she was going to get away with it, unseen, like the phantom shitter.
I'm not sure how well this pic will upload here, I just copy/paste the text below as well to make it easier to read it. Screen shot from a thread here, how to crap in the woods.
I too have a shit story to share that wasn't in the woods, although at the time I would have gladly preferred to shit in the woods with one of them yuppy shitters or a Y tree instead of what I had to deal with.
I once got elected by other family members as the only one who would accept the job, of hanging out at my uncles trailer waiting for the cable company to come fix his internet and TV connection, while he was at work. No one wanted to have to go over and wait there because his trailer is filthy, but someone had to be there to let the cable guy in. I made the mistake to take my laptop to watch movies and ended up throwing it away because I couldn't get the bugs out of it, ever since having taken it to his trailer I could see bugs crawling across the screen. That's just to give an idea how bad it is there. Anyway here is my story, so I'm sitting there watching a movie, feeling like bugs are crawling on me, itching, thinking WTF! Wondering why I didn't just wait in the car outside. And then it hits me, I have to take a shit. No way was I wanting to use his toilet which for some reason was supposed to be white but appeared to have never been cleaned and was brown all the way around. If the coloring alone and the thought of getting crabs or some other type of bug on me in addition to the itching I acquired from his couch wasn't bad enough. I then realize the lid isn't on the tank and there is no water in the tank. Not sure how I was supposed to flush it, and was holding it so long trying to refrain from using his bathroom. There was no option of holding it any longer. It appeared to be pull off a hover, or shit myself. I had to call him at work and ask how to use his toilet. He rambled on something about just take the coke can and put it in the hole then turn the valve on, remove the can to flush it. Bloody hell, I didn't even see bowl paper in sight, and even if I did I was too sketched out to have wanted to use any paper in his trailer out of fear of catching some disease, that there may not even be a cure for because the world might not have ever encountered before whatever bacteria may have been in there. I had to devise plan B. At this point I was getting creative and felt somewhat like MacGuyver. (Urban Dictionary - Full name Angus Macgyver. Part secret agent for government and phoenix foundation, part handyman, part mad scientist, part community service volunteer.) Yes indeed I felt like Anus MacGuyver. A secret agent for the government because there was most defiantly official dooty that had to be taken care of in the oval office, the porcelain oval that is. Part handy man fits the bill for this mission. I would have to agree with part mad scientist where this is headed. Part community service volunteer, well yeah that too, no one else would sac up and hang out at his place. After getting off the phone with him and not even seeing said coke can anywhere. I had to proceed with whatever I was going to devise for plan B. And there it was, I found it in the hallway. The cat box ;D I mean haha There was already so much cat dookie in there he might not even notice, and there was plenty of fresh litter still in the container to bury it, plus it was some fresh scent litter so that was a plus. I made the choice to go through with it. I was damn near about to pop a squat and drop a loaf right there, I looked in almost the identical position as the woman in the video, and right then the cable guy knocks on the door. I've never before had to retract such a fierce groundhog in my life, but it had to be done. I couldn't be caught brown handed by the cable guy. It was bad enough I had to explain that I didn't live there as I was nearly gagging from the smell in his trailer from his cats and whatever else funk was going on. I demanded to know how long it should take to make the repairs. All in all I should have just gone with plan C, say F this, pump a dump on his porch and leave.
I'm not sure how well this pic will upload here, I just copy/paste the text below as well to make it easier to read it. Screen shot from a thread here, how to crap in the woods.
I too have a shit story to share that wasn't in the woods, although at the time I would have gladly preferred to shit in the woods with one of them yuppy shitters or a Y tree instead of what I had to deal with.
I once got elected by other family members as the only one who would accept the job, of hanging out at my uncles trailer waiting for the cable company to come fix his internet and TV connection, while he was at work. No one wanted to have to go over and wait there because his trailer is filthy, but someone had to be there to let the cable guy in. I made the mistake to take my laptop to watch movies and ended up throwing it away because I couldn't get the bugs out of it, ever since having taken it to his trailer I could see bugs crawling across the screen. That's just to give an idea how bad it is there. Anyway here is my story, so I'm sitting there watching a movie, feeling like bugs are crawling on me, itching, thinking WTF! Wondering why I didn't just wait in the car outside. And then it hits me, I have to take a shit. No way was I wanting to use his toilet which for some reason was supposed to be white but appeared to have never been cleaned and was brown all the way around. If the coloring alone and the thought of getting crabs or some other type of bug on me in addition to the itching I acquired from his couch wasn't bad enough. I then realize the lid isn't on the tank and there is no water in the tank. Not sure how I was supposed to flush it, and was holding it so long trying to refrain from using his bathroom. There was no option of holding it any longer. It appeared to be pull off a hover, or shit myself. I had to call him at work and ask how to use his toilet. He rambled on something about just take the coke can and put it in the hole then turn the valve on, remove the can to flush it. Bloody hell, I didn't even see bowl paper in sight, and even if I did I was too sketched out to have wanted to use any paper in his trailer out of fear of catching some disease, that there may not even be a cure for because the world might not have ever encountered before whatever bacteria may have been in there. I had to devise plan B. At this point I was getting creative and felt somewhat like MacGuyver. (Urban Dictionary - Full name Angus Macgyver. Part secret agent for government and phoenix foundation, part handyman, part mad scientist, part community service volunteer.) Yes indeed I felt like Anus MacGuyver. A secret agent for the government because there was most defiantly official dooty that had to be taken care of in the oval office, the porcelain oval that is. Part handy man fits the bill for this mission. I would have to agree with part mad scientist where this is headed. Part community service volunteer, well yeah that too, no one else would sac up and hang out at his place. After getting off the phone with him and not even seeing said coke can anywhere. I had to proceed with whatever I was going to devise for plan B. And there it was, I found it in the hallway. The cat box ;D I mean haha There was already so much cat dookie in there he might not even notice, and there was plenty of fresh litter still in the container to bury it, plus it was some fresh scent litter so that was a plus. I made the choice to go through with it. I was damn near about to pop a squat and drop a loaf right there, I looked in almost the identical position as the woman in the video, and right then the cable guy knocks on the door. I've never before had to retract such a fierce groundhog in my life, but it had to be done. I couldn't be caught brown handed by the cable guy. It was bad enough I had to explain that I didn't live there as I was nearly gagging from the smell in his trailer from his cats and whatever else funk was going on. I demanded to know how long it should take to make the repairs. All in all I should have just gone with plan C, say F this, pump a dump on his porch and leave.
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