Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

herbose

herbose

Well-Known Member
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Minnesota as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's just finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Leon... Your neighbor from four miles away... Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come."

"Great," says Sam. "After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks.

Thank you." As Leon is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem... after 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, as he starts to leave Leon stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin'too."

Sam says, "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Leon turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."

"Now that's not a problem," says Sam, "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there...by the way, what should I wear?"

Leon stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
 
herbose

herbose

Well-Known Member
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, " I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, " But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards it.

"Two dogs, please." Says the mother superior. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior is first to open hers, then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part of the dog did you get?"
 
herbose

herbose

Well-Known Member
VERNON'S FUNERAL

Vernon works hard at the Phone Company but spends
two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every
Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard,
so for his birthday she takes him to a local
strip club.


The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Vern! How ya doing?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to
this club before.

"Oh no," says Vern."He's in my bowling league..."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern
if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.


His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her
arms around Vern, starts torub herself all
over him and says...
"Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious,
grabs her purse and
storms out of the club.

Vernfollows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in
beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper
must have mistaken him for someone else,
but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
 
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