Post a joke

Paleohumorists working a dig in Argentina have discovered what is universally accepted as the world's oldest joke.

Why did the Ornitholestes cross the road? cn

did you hear about the town idiot that droped his chewing gum in the chicken coop ,
he thought he found it 5 times ,


lol

You get some crackers on bGay, lmao...

So these 3 nuns died and they r all standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter in front and he says to em. Ladies you may enter only when you have washed away in this fountain any of the sins of the flesh you partook of in life. So the 1st nun goes up to the fountain and washes her hands in the fountain and says well St. Peter I only gave him a hand job. Now as the 2nd nun goes up to the fountain the 3rd nun suddenly shouts, wait a second I'll go b4 her if its all the same to you Peter, and he says ladies you are all welcome what does the order matter. And she says I'll be damned if I'm gonna gargle with that water after she sticks her ass in it.

a teacher asks: you have five birds, you shoot three, how many are left?

student answers: none, because the live ones flew away

teacher says: no, see, it's a math problem, but I like your style.

Student responds: well now I have a question for you... three women are eating ice cream, one is sucking, one licking, the other kinda biting... which one's married?

teacher gets all redfaced and says: well I don't know, the one sucking?

student says: NO! it's the one with the ring on her finger, but I like your style...

kaendar.

that is all.

jack n jill went up the hill then down they fell .. lollllllllz

A comely young lass of Aberystwyth
Took grain to the mill to make grist with.
The miller's son Jack
laid her flat on her back
and united the organs they pissed with. cn

UncleBuck said:

kaendar.

that is all.

Click to expand...

That and Bucky in time out, LOL.

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

I cried when I cut up the onion.

obama/ The quicker fucker upper

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

This is a story about control. One day this guy's body is trying to figure out who is in control, and the brain says well of course I am, I do all the thinking and tell everyone what to do. Then the mouth says wait if it wasn't for me we couldn't eat, drink, or breath. I'm the most important so I should be in control. Then the arms say but if I wasn't here you couldn't get anything inside u to eat or drink. Next its the legs turn and they say well if we weren't here the rest of you couldn't go anywhere to do any of the things you are talking about so we should be in control. And finally the asshole chimes in and says I'm the most important one of all, and everyone else starts laughing really hard and says why the hell would u be in control u don't do anything besides get rid of what we don't need. So the asshole says ok and closes up really tight, 1st the legs get all wobbly and can't stand, next the arms can't move or lift anything to the mouth so the mouth can't drink or chew anything. And finally the brain gets all cloudy and can't think or tell anyone else what to do, so they all turn to the asshole and say Ok ur in charge.

a women is in bed reading a book , when her husband walks in with a sheep under his arm , he says 'this is the pig i fuck when you have got a headache darling ' the wife looks up from her book and says ' i think you will find that is a sheep my dear ' the guy quickly replies ' and i think you will find , it was the sheep , i was talking to .'

have you whats making all the headlines?

corduroy pillows

a man comes rushing into his house, and yells to his wife: "honey, pack your bags! i won the lottery!!" the wife says: "oh my god! what should i pack for, the mountains or the beach?!?" the man replies: "i don't care, just get the fuck out!"

Ok so this guy walks into a bar and he sees this horse in the corner with a sign that says $250 if u can make my horse laugh. So the guy goes over and whispers sumptin in his ear and the horse starts busting up, the guy takes his money and leaves. A week later the same guy comes in again and the bar tender says hey man I'll double it if u can make him stop laughing, my horse has been laughing this whole week since u left. The guy says ok goes and grabs the horse's lead and takes him out back and after a minute they come back in and the horse is crying. The the bar tender says WTF did u say, last week he won't stop laughing and now he is crying. So the guy looks over and says well last week I told him I had a bigger dick than him and this week I showed him.