So you think your life is bad??? ...haha

Today I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter.

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal.

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip.

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital sex - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically.

Haha this website is the shit.

Cheaaaaa budddy!

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dads words of wisdom were "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything."

Burrrnnnn!!! Haha.

Holy shit:

Today, I took my friend to buy a pregancy test. She took it and it came out negative. I decided to re-pee on it to be funny...it turned to positive.

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML


OH SO NASTYYYYYY!! lol

this isn't one from the site, but one from my college days:

I was smoking in a buddies dorm room alone---when there was a knock at the door---I didn't answer and they kept knocking---so I yelled "I'm trying to masturbate go away"---It was his girlfriend---she thought I was him

One day I woke up, surprisingly in my mother's house. I was so fucking hungry I didn't even question why I was there. So I ran downstairs and opened the fridge. The first thing I saw I grabbed and took a nice bite of what I found out to be my right testicle! I later found out I was in a car accident and had my right nut removed. Also suffered amnesia. FML

SEEDLESSvw said:

One day I woke up, surprisingly in my mother's house. I was so fucking hungry I didn't even question why I was there. So I ran downstairs and opened the fridge. The first thing I saw I grabbed and took a nice bite of what I found out to be my right testicle! I later found out I was in a car accident and had my right nut removed. Also suffered amnesia. FML

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Damn i hope you were joking...If not I agree your life is fucked up lol

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds.

"Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML"

Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

And the kicker: Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

All of these are worthy! LOLOLOLOLOLOL


Today, I was crying after i was arguing with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML
#40006 (9) - 02/13/2009 at 11:43pm by crazycutie1027 - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (370) - you deserved that one (106)

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Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML
#39551 (7) - 02/13/2009 at 10:10pm by Yudansha - love - I agree, your life is f***ed (606) - you deserved that one (196)

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Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
#38789 (16) - 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm by Shamu - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (2045) - you deserved that one (369)

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Today, I had to get my license renewal picture taken and after the first go the woman said "It looks like your eyes are closed." I'm Asian. FML
#38222 ( - 02/13/2009 at 5:16pm by sensation - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (2329) - you deserved that one (411)

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Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
#38126 (15) - 02/13/2009 at 4:59pm by Mr. Hopeless - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (2865) - you deserved that one (307)

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Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML
#38092 (11) - 02/13/2009 at 4:51pm by shit's weak - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (3217) - you deserved that one (290)

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Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML
#37714 (13) - 02/13/2009 at 3:40pm by samrodpuertorico - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (2624) - you deserved that one (19

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Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

puffpuffPASSEDOUT said:

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
#38789 (16) - 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm by Shamu - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (2045) - you deserved that one (369)

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That's fucking hilarious!!!!!!