Update #Over
Fade in.......
......Camera pans through a courtroom, slowly passing the defense table where a man in a suit made from a material you will never be able to afford sits studying his notes. Upon said table is a tiny but resplendently beautiful frog named FranJan, trapped in a small jam jar, (that has little holes poked in the top and some blades of grass thrown in because your Mom said so), and he's looking afraid, ashamed and concerned. Camera continues to pan through the courtroom....Past a jury of 12 angry-eyed, blue-haired, eternally elderly ladies.....Past some ancient, half-deaf, booger-eating judge, (who's also secretly wearing his wife's corset under his jet-black judicial robes), and finally the camera comes to rest on a small, round, irate Latina women wearing Versace evening-wear and pointing a finger accusingly at the aforementioned tiny, cute, intelligent, manly but helpless frog....
"Your honor I've been working with NYC
A-Social
Services for 45 years and in all my time I have never seen such a case of abuse of a young and helpless girl perpetrated by the typical pond scum growing today..."
"Objection!", shouts the stunningly handsome frog's lawyer, "My client is not on trial for being typical pond scum! Or for being any type of scum different than any one scum being different today! He's on trial for being an unprepared, ignorant and abusive grower who doesn't know Hogweed from Dirtweed! Thank You!"
"Sustained", bellows the judge, which gives the judge an excuse to slam his gavel down and at the same time clandestinely pick at the wedgie caused by his wife's corset that has been digging into his grey and battle-scarred ass-crack during the entire proceedings. Within seconds the lawyer is back at the defense table, slapping a bill down next to the previously aforementioned, devilishly handsome, and oh so clever frog named FranJan whose now a bit more concerned about his lawyer's fees than his own legal troubles.
"Pardon me your honor", the small and round women glares, "but please just take a look at these photos that were previously entered into evidence by the ugly, overworked, underpaid, capital
Loser assistant DA, who had to get a job working for the government after law-school because he/she wasn't quite clever enough to get a job with a real firm and is actually such a useless POS the writer of this lame attempt at humor didn't even bother to include him/her in this court-room farce of his. Did I say the ADA was ugly your, honor? Yes? I did? OK. Just checking. But enough truth in a courtroom, let's see what I'm yabbering on about."
Evi-dense (#10,001)
Evi-dense (#10,002)
Evi-dense (#10,003)
Evi-dense (#Uhmm. Yeah
.)
"Jesus H-Titty-Fucking Christ in A-Minor", the Judge shrieks all Aretha Franklin-like, at the top of his lungs. "Enough! I. Have. Seen. ENOUGH!", and at that point he hurls his gavel at the absolutely dashing and massively penis-ed aforementioned frog with such a ferocity that the motion finally and completely dislodges the judge's oh-so annoying gothic-undie induced wedgie and the gavel finds it's bull's-eye and shatters said magnificent and personable frog's small jam jar in a million, tiny, glittering pieces which then snaps our hero back into the real world and makes him realize that, yeah, maybe he should get a girlfriend after all.
"Ahhh fuck it. As long as your not in Philadelphia-q, right?"
Peace to the Posse!