I am LMAO reading this thread... what a joyous thought to have a guard-lion, with a posted black and neon orange sign reading "Beware the Lion". And to train him how to use a video camera.
I have been worried about mine going missing too, except the ONLY people who could have seen them would be the gardeners... they are hidden behind some taller shrubs, and you can only really see the plants when you are in the garden bed itself... which they sometimes are.
I'm sure there's a hooker you could buy for the yard... sure they wouldn't be face-mangled by a lion, but at least it would burn every time they pee thereafter... a constant reminder of their theivery.