Seriously. Is the guy sitting up on his cloud in heaven watching me masturbate and getting all pissed off? Is he like "Man, MidwesternGro is at it again. This is making me really mad! He knows he isn't supposed to do that!" Why does he watch me masturbate it if it pisses him off?
I love to masturbate. I find it very rewarding and I'm good at it. Hell, I wish it was an Olympic sport. All of you do it too, everybody does it! Why the heck would God care? It doesn't make sense. I would get a gold medal every time if we made it a sport. Hell, make it a team sport! We could jack each other off in circle jerks, every gay dude on earth would watch that. Think of all the advertising income. I would watch the women's masturbation team all day, and I would "practice" to it.
You could place me on a wheaties box with a huge erection and my gold medals hanging from it. Tell all your kids if they masturbate really hard they can be like me one day. I'd be the champion of that shit! Just my luck that the one thing I'm really good at is hated by God.
I can see why religion hates it. Think about it. At the end of masturbating you get a huge reward, it never disappoints. Now compare that with prayer. Doesn't even cum close, amiright? If prayer was rewarded with an orgasm I would do that instead of masturbating 2 or 3 times a day.
Everybody masturbates. Your mom and dad do it. Your kids do if they are old enough. Even grampa beats his dick! Why do we act like it is such a big deal? Welp later all, I'm off to masturbate.
