Great Stoner Quotes

[purplextc]

lmao so me and my best friend were soooo baked we had this jumbo container of jelly beans we were goin through it eating the good ones.. she picks up one and eats it and goes "eww dont eat the green ones" "why what did it taste like" "alien poop" lol it wasso funny i have no idea why she said that

 

[1234abcd]

not a quote but

i had my phone in my left hand and a candy bar in the right and my phone got a text message and i started trying to text on my candy bar and my freind was like dude thats not your phone i was like what the fuck and ate it

 

[Budda_Luva]

*If it aint green than it aint me*

 

[shadow316]

Man made booze.
God made grass.

Now tell me which one's better for you?

 

[donkeyballs]

"dude, you cant buy shrooms with change"

all i had was Quarters and dimes.

 

[donkeyballs]

i was drivin my friends hella baked and my friend yelled turn right so i turned on my right turn sig. then he yelled "john, right!" and i turned on my left turn sig and he yelled john right and i turned my right turn sig on again. they dont trust my driving anymore. i dont really blame them. haha

 

[kylerox22]

lol my favorite quote by far was said when I was smoking with some newbies to smoking and I was talking about how I was already high because I smoked earlier in the day and my friend chelsea turns to me and says "Yeah it's like murdering the same person twice, the second time is easier " I could not stop laughing about how idiotic and yet provocative that statement was

 

[BigBudBalls]

"I"m not Polish! I'm Catholic!" "Thats trigonometry; thats not math" "Rigimortis was a dinosaur" (All from straight/sober college educated people)

 

[toasty42088]

Anyone ever had the situation where no one has a lighter and yet everyone started with one.....and after 10 minutes of searching someone ends up having six in their pockets?

this happened the other day. me and some friends were all smokin and then all of a sudden no one had a lighter. but when we started everyone had one but my friend lil dan. then he hada go to work and he calls about 20 mins later and is like dudes...i got like 10 lighters. we're like wtf man.

 

[Anguissette]

i can remember a friend once asking me out of nowhere "do they have to wait till its a full moon before they can land on it?"

 

[toasty42088]

Me and my buddies were on a mountain ride recently. So on the way down we are crazy blazed. The blunt is tiny but I smoke it until it usually burns my fingers. Then we had this discussion:

Me: Yo dude you f@#$ squed the shit out of it!
Buddy: SQUED? what the hell is that! you mean i squeezed it.
Me(argumentatively): No dude u squozed it!
Buddy: What...SKUOZED! what happened to squed.
(all of us laughing histerically)
Me: yea yo to have squed is to already have been squeezed. and to have skuozed is to already have been squeezing. (still laughing)
Buddy: Your a retard dude. Theres no such words as SQUOZED and SQUED.
Me: Ur just not educated in the terms of squishing and squeezing blunts!
Buddy: WOW! YOUR HIGH!
(a moment of silence)
All 3 of us: Word!!

lmao....word.

 

[stonerboy1]

a friend with weed is a friend indeed

 

[herbose]

a friend with weed is a friend indeed

Freewheelin Frank...I believe that was?

I was walking through a SE Asia city one day when this friend says "How come all the dogs look the same here?"
"That kind doesn't taste good" I says.

 

[raeman1990]

My friend was stoned and i said we had to help my other friend cause he needed help with some heavy shit.. so he said.....

"a friend in need is a friend indeed

a friend with weed is better.. "

 

[snoodies]

"DUM MARO DUM"
"Cannabis flight 420, ready for take-off!"
"Oooh! that's a spicy meatball!"

 

[BigBudBalls]

"Shhhh! They will see us"

"Why did they put a dog as the hood ornament on a Jaguar?"

 

[Inebriation]

"Yo, what the fuck are we gonna do now?"
"The fuck you think we gonna do? We gonna smoke his ass then start askin' questions."
"Wait a minute, didn't you put the ashes in the soil BEFORE you grew the plant?"

Love that movie (How High)

 

[DawnOfTheEnd]

One of my friends said: "If we could smell as well as dogs, would we compose with scent?"

 

[Budda_Luva]

"DUM MARO DUM"
"Cannabis flight 420, ready for take-off!"
"Oooh! that's a spicy meatball!"

HAHAHAH MARIJUANA MAN hes a fukkin pothead hippie but hes co makes me laugh evrytime

 

[Jfred2006]

dude the best line when me n my friends were toking on our block at around midnight we all have our own bowls and shit but the problem was we only had one lighter and i had to piss (i forgot the lighter in my hand while walking to piss) then my friends are talking then my buddy mike yells who has the lighter? then friend 1 says not me friend 2 not me friend 3 nah dude josh must have the lighter, wait he has THE! LIGHTER! that asshole. then as i am pissing i get tackled to the ground and he says dude do you have the lighter and i say "no dude i dont know where it is, then i was like wait as he is walking away and i say dude it was in my left hand the whole time