hi maiden..
can you explain what it means to "question" yourself.. maybe an example?
and how it interferes...(if it does interfere) with any of the asects of REALIZATION as mentioned in the firstpost..
cheers
Oh man... We're getting into touchy territory here, because this will go into how I value myself, which is to say that in many regards I don't. A lot of it has to do with my ability to be productive (as in employed), and the self-questioning of decisions and though processes.
I'm not sure if I can give you an immediate direct example, but let's say that I read something that someone posts, here or somewhere else, that does not quite have the ring of logic to it. My immediate reaction is to question it (I tend to question everything, although with some things I don't and that can get me into trouble, if that makes sense) the logic and veracity. Sometimes, I get knocked on my ass, figuratively-speaking, because I find that my own thought processes stem from complete ignorance. And THEN there's my fear of failure that can paralyze me from even trying something in the first place. Can you imagine
that, being so afraid of failing that you don't try in the first place?
I also question my judgment about people and certain situations. I tend to get "sucked in" by certain types of people, especially those whose, um.. (ok, this bit sounds weird) especially those whose life force is weak.
Seriously, there are those people who have an effect of uplifting, just by being near them you feel invigorated, inspired, or at least calm and happy.
And then there are others who don't do anything to you either way.
And THEN there are others who seem to suck the life force right out of you, leaving you exhausted and depressed, maybe with a distinct literal distaste in your mouth.
For some reason I find myself involved more closely with people like that than I want to be (much less so as I age, thank God) and I don't always know how I got there.
Is it that I detect this pitifulness about them and pity them?
Is it that I am drawn as an object to a black hole (there are some people whose forces are that strong)?
Or is it a much simpler answer, and just that I'm an idiot who hasn't learned to see the warning signs?
I could go on about the vast myriad ways in which I question myself, but then I'll be totally hijacking your thread.