Let me give you guys and girls an overview. My girlfriend and I are very much in love, we've been dating a year and a half and despite that not being the longest I'm pretty much wishing I could afford a ring right now. We're 23 live together have a car a dog and basically consider ourselves married. My girlfriend despite being beautiful never really got to experience much sexually before I came along, I'm her 4th partner and prior to me she was unlucky with less skilled individuals. Essentially apart from literally a few random small ones I have been present and the cause of about every orgasm she's ever had. Up until a couple days ago she had never actually successfully masturbated, she would try but for some reason she just couldn't get herself over the hump to that great moment.
The two of us recently had a period where we were considering an open relationship but eventually both concluded neither of us is ready for it and we can take comfort in just each other and re visit it later down the road if we feel like it. We already practice some pretty serious bondage and are always looking for new fun restraints ideas props tools etc so we decided to visit a local shop and see what they had. A couple weeks ago my girl attempted to get herself in the shower but was unsuccessful, we already have a pink massager that I frequently use on her to great affect and enjoy it thoroughly. While browsing we came across a small personal massager that she seemed to really like, quiet but with a powerful engine so I said hey why not lets get it.
So on the way home she tells me she wants to try it out on herself without me to see if she can, the idea of her doing it alone doesn't bother me if it turns her on and leads to us going at it or if I'm not around. I know that I have some irrational jealousy issues and I felt a bit of a pang but didn't want to guilt her so I said sure. I go and hang out for a while she gets in the shower and gets out, about twenty or so minutes have gone by then I hear "babe... can you come here". I get to the doorway and a patch of the blankets is soaked, not only had she managed to get herself for the first time but she actually truly legitimately squirted. My initial reaction is I don't know how to react, I have given this girl an orgasm every time we've had sex with about two exceptions from super quickies over the course of our relationship. I maintain a solid at least 5 to 1 ratio in her favor and truly love pleasuring her its what gets me off. But never have I ever made her squirt, and I've payed plenty of attention to her g spot and clit. Looking it up later I find out squirting orgasms are some of the most intense she can have which makes me feel bad I never made it happen before.
She tried to show me and do it again though she was only able to produce a very small amount I actually saw it happen, it was hot it was sexy it made me rock hard and we had amazing sex after she showed me exactly what she did and I did it to her again for a few times. I really do love using the thing on her it was a great purchase and its super fun to chain her orgasm's together by upping the intensity after she goes the first time.
So what's the problem I'm sure you're all thinking, well its this. In the past because of birth control or stress of us moving etc we went through dry spells, they suck. horribly. I would never cheat and we weren't in an open relationship so I jerked off pretty constantly. The last few months after she switched to a new bc have been great we've been on the upswing having sex once or twice during the week and a few rounds during the weekend I've actually been satisfied I can spoon her without stabbing her in the back. So right when I'm reaching a point where I'm satisfied she finally figures out how to get herself off without me. Now that part doesn't bother me in fact I'm happy for and proud of her for getting past the mental block. This would be awesome if I weren't around and didn't have the same sex drive as when I was 16 (its almost unbearably high and I am self aware I can be hypersexual so I keep it consciously toned down) but I happen to work from home which means I'm always there and 99.999% of the time I'll be in the mood.
With her just finally getting past the barrier and really Really enjoying herself this thing can be great for me any time she does it gets in the mood and calls me in like the first time. Now that she finally can she expressed to me the desire to sometimes just go and explore and have fun on her own... without me. Now I am totally fine with this if I weren't available, but I am and I am most definitely in the mood or very quickly could be. I get this hurt disappointed sad unwanted feeling just thinking about her going to town in the bedroom if she doesn't call me in. She told me she thinks its important we both have some of our own time and I am inclined to agree though I pointed out I would never ever choose to masturbate instead of spend time with her unless she wasn't available or in the mood and that this would be me just simply not participating though I desperately want to.
I know this is stupid and that its healthy and I should encourage her. I know its because she never got to truly explore this aspect and now that its so fresh and new and that she can she wants to and I can't blame her for it, I'm sure this is a rare scenario to run into and really all I'm looking for is some input from others with real life experience or scenario's that can help me feel better about the hopefully rare times she chooses to just be alone. I wish I didn't feel the way I did when I think about it, I love her so much and just want to be ok with it but can't lie to myself and know I will be a little hurt when this happens sometimes.
all in all we are a very healthy couple with perfectly open communication and I feel totally secure in our relationship I understand it would be selfish and immature of me to place any sanctions on her pleasure I am just looking for some help in thinking this through
