Prison Stories

LetsGetCritical

LetsGetCritical

Well-Known Member
So we've all been there. Any memorable stories? My first time in prison I was in the van on the way and a big guy asked me if it was my first time in prison, he must have smelt my newbness, and then tells me "don't worry, it's nothing like in the movies" followed by a big toothless chuckle.
 
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qwizoking

qwizoking

Well-Known Member
Well ive never even officially got a traffic ticket..never been in jail. But have lots of experience with people in jail.

I used to get such a laugh going to the female prison here in tx. My ex wifes mom was in the death row section so we had alone visitation after regular hours.. anyway they would wand and feel up my girl, but because i was a dude they had to call a male officer for that..this was apparently too much effort and for the years i went up there i maybe got searched twice
I would always bring goodies from the outside world
 
Gary Goodson

Gary Goodson

Well-Known Member
I got arrested for public intoxication a few years back. Needless to say I was drunk at the police station and this lady cop starts to take my fingerprints. It's a new digital fingerprint system that I wasn't familiar with. She is rolling every finger multiple times over the cylinder thingy that captures the prints, well now it's getting old so I told her
"Next you're gonna ask me to roll my wiener over it... It'll be the tiniest print so far!"
She started laughing and so did all the other cops that were around.


True story
 
Mr.Goodtimes

Mr.Goodtimes

Well-Known Member
I gave some dude that was locked up shirtless my under shirt. Felt bad for the guy it was cold in there. I was just in for a PI so was out a few hours later.

The time before that i gave a bum my dinner, lol. It was probably the worst thing i have ever tasted, but he ate it up like it was a kobe steak.

Ive never been for more than a night, all over 10 years ago. Funny hiw after i quit drinking i quit getting locked up. Shits the devil.
 
whitebb2727

whitebb2727

Well-Known Member
I was in the drunk tank waiting for a cell. In comes a couple hundred boxes of little ceasers pizza. There was 8-9 dope sick guys in there to. I got their pizza and dinner trays. I just come from a jail where I dropped 20 pounds in a month. I ate til I got sick. I know not exciting but it was a good night.

I've told this one before. Same jail as pizza couple days later. The jail was like 8 stories high and shaped like an octagon. I heard a commotion in the adjacent cell. When it was over the guards walked like six guys out bleeding from their noses, mouths, and ears. They walked the last guy out and he was saying "I told them, I told them mother fuckers.". I guess they fucked with the wrong guy.
 
Final Phase

Final Phase

Well-Known Member
Not sure where I would have went if procecuted but in 1977...
I had finished my two year requirement in the Navy and was finishing off the required three years of in the Reserves on Coranado Island, California. I later found it's one of the tightest security bases on the west coast due to the fact that the Navy Seals are trained there. A friend and I were out walking around on the base looking for a safe place to smoke a joint. We figured the ocean was a safe place. On our way to the beach we walked right past two signs that said it was a restricted beach - Yeah I know, that was pretty fucking stupid! I'm standing there with a bag of weed in hand ready to fire up when two spotlights lit us up like Christmas trees. Four military police piled out of a van and a paddy wagon. The order to freeze was yelled out. I'm thinking no way am I holding on to the bag, so off it flew into the water about 30 feet away. Next, I see the spotlight staring down on my little bag of of floating weed. A man from the military police yells out, "I got it," and rushes into the water like a mad Golden Retriever. On his way back he starts bitching at me because he just got his pants dry cleaned. I thought to myself, "Dude, I never told you to get jump in the freaking ocean!" Being a reserve I was able to grow my hair out and wear a wig on reserve weekends so I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was warned by the driver on the way to the police station that I had pissed off his partner in the other vehicle and also warned that I should watch my step on the way out of the van. Nothing happened and were were put in a holding room for two hours until a chief from our outfit came and signed up out.

The one thing I did right that night was to not agree that the bag of weed they fished out of the ocean was mine. A month later at the next reserve weekend I found out the reason we didn't get processed was because our legal officer wasn't down there with us the previous month. The captain and legal officer came up to me and handed me a half inch thick legal sized envelope and said to me, "These are some very important legal papers for you." I said, "Thank you very much sir!" He kind of smiled and said, I don't know anything about this." I went home and barbacued the damn papers - In the paper work I read that the weed had tested out positive.

I've never been arrested and would just as soon like to keep it that way. bongsmilie
 
hempyninja309

hempyninja309

Well-Known Member
Got moved in jail for sharing a packet of table salt with a diabetic. They where pissed as fuck but I didnt want it and the dude asked really nicely. First they gave me a firm warning not to do it again but i slid him a packet across the table again the next day and got my ass chewed/moved.
 
whitebb2727

whitebb2727

Well-Known Member
hulk1 said:
q ... When was the last time your 'hulk' anger came out critty ? i know it came out on your child's mother, but recently when ?
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What's the point of this? You are dim witted. What makes you accuse critical of hitting his ole lady? Just like the time your dumb ass thought max was a rat and based it on the fact he wouldn't answer you because he had you on ignore.
 
dangledo

dangledo

Well-Known Member
Night in New Orleans jail during new years was actually a blast. Too many drunk fucks to separate the guys and girls, so titties a plenty. I had pulled my pecker out, and they frown upon that on bourbon street. Slap on the wrist and a small fine later. Cash payment got me no record of that incident. Partying again 6 hours later.
 
hempyninja309

hempyninja309

Well-Known Member
dangledo said:
Night in New Orleans jail during new years was actually a blast. Too many drunk fucks to separate the guys and girls, so titties a plenty. I had pulled my pecker out, and they frown upon that on bourbon street. Slap on the wrist and a small fine later. Cash payment got me no record of that incident. Partying again 6 hours later.
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Where you trying to impress a lady or just pulling it out to pull it out? Lol
 
Unclebaldrick

Unclebaldrick

Well-Known Member
Final Phase said:
Not sure where I would have went if procecuted but in 1977...
I had finished my two year requirement in the Navy and was finishing off the required three years of in the Reserves on Coranado Island, California. I later found it's one of the tightest security bases on the west coast due to the fact that the Navy Seals are trained there. A friend and I were out walking around on the base looking for a safe place to smoke a joint. We figured the ocean was a safe place. On our way to the beach we walked right past two signs that said it was a restricted beach - Yeah I know, that was pretty fucking stupid! I'm standing there with a bag of weed in hand ready to fire up when two spotlights lit us up like Christmas trees. Four military police piled out of a van and a paddy wagon. The order to freeze was yelled out. I'm thinking no way am I holding on to the bag, so off it flew into the water about 30 feet away. Next, I see the spotlight staring down on my little bag of of floating weed. A man from the military police yells out, "I got it," and rushes into the water like a mad Golden Retriever. On his way back he starts bitching at me because he just got his pants dry cleaned. I thought to myself, "Dude, I never told you to get jump in the freaking ocean!" Being a reserve I was able to grow my hair out and wear a wig on reserve weekends so I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was warned by the driver on the way to the police station that I had pissed off his partner in the other vehicle and also warned that I should watch my step on the way out of the van. Nothing happened and were were put in a holding room for two hours until a chief from our outfit came and signed up out.

The one thing I did right that night was to not agree that the bag of weed they fished out of the ocean was mine. A month later at the next reserve weekend I found out the reason we didn't get processed was because our legal officer wasn't down there with us the previous month. The captain and legal officer came up to me and handed me a half inch thick legal sized envelope and said to me, "These are some very important legal papers for you." I said, "Thank you very much sir!" He kind of smiled and said, I don't know anything about this." I went home and barbacued the damn papers - In the paper work I read that the weed had tested out positive.

I've never been arrested and would just as soon like to keep it that way. bongsmilie
Click to expand...
A wig? Tell us more about that?
 
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