Vicous Hand Jobs!!!

cream8

cream8

Well-Known Member
oneyearorange said:
What is up with that girls? Yeah you know what I'm saying. Some of you girls are pulling way to hard! Some of you are pulling like you're trying to pull a better looking guy out of me. What is that? I didn't swallow Patrick Dempsey. Okay! I'm the same fat bald guy who you met on myspace! Deal with it! You don't even have the class to spit on your hand first. A dry hobo jerk down! What are your step fathers teaching you!?
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if dave attell was here he would be pissed at least give credit and dont pretend like you made it up!!!
 
oneyearorange

oneyearorange

New Member
Father Jack said:
maybe she's pullin that hard just to make it big enough to get a couple of fingers around. If you didn't have such a needle dick...she might not have to do that.

Drink!
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This sounds contradictory to me. If the chicks having trouble getting her finger around my cock Then I'm obviously stacked like a pringles can with a muffin in the end!
 
oneyearorange

oneyearorange

New Member
sgtpeppr said:
All girls give BJ's, they just don't know it yet.

I know that isn't true for all girls, and I would never force anyone to do anything they wouldn't want to......I just thought it was funny.
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I dont know about you but the first thing said when I get her back to my place is ''no one's going home till some one throws up on my dick!''
 
iblazethatkush

iblazethatkush

Well-Known Member
They really should teach girls how to give proper handjobs and blowjobs in sex-ed at school. Some of them just don't know how to do it right.
 
pandabear

pandabear

Well-Known Member
im usually against the hand job, but one time back in the day me and my roomate had to share a room and the fucker was fucking his gurl right there next to me in the morning and im laying there with the biggest most throbbing morning wood I have ever had just listening to them fuck. so i made my displeasure known after they were done.

well my man good buddy that he is tells his gurl to go give me a hand job,

at first she hesitated but he said it was cool, and i guess she thought it would be fun so to my excitment she came over to me and stroked my thang real nice and I exploded all over her hand in a very timly manner.:mrgreen:


anyway after that my boy broke up with her cuz she gave me the hand job

He said that he just wanted to see if she would do it. kinda messed up but I was feeling nice and relaxed:mrgreen:

sorry about that Rachel:roll:

but man if she didnt move away I woulda tapped that ass. Sure she was leftovers but fuckit she was hot and young with nice bouncey tities:mrgreen:
 
oneyearorange

oneyearorange

New Member
iblazethatkush said:
They really should teach girls how to give proper handjobs and blowjobs in sex-ed at school. Some of them just don't know how to do it right.
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Dude I was getting blow once by this chick who had braces. You know that little piece of skin connecting your head to your shaft? It's like a little piece of thread on the underside of your head. Well any ways point is she got that shit stuck in her bottom two front teeth then pulled away fast. I was so close to giving her a black eye. But I don't hit girls. Not even during the superbowl! Worst part was she was my gf and I went months without a blowjob after that out of pure freight.
 
pandabear

pandabear

Well-Known Member
i had this drunk gurl giving me head while I was driving her to my place but man she keep hitting my drive shaft (no pun intended) and putting the car in neutral but i wasnt about to tell her to stop suckin this chick had taken off her shirt tities floppin everywhere in traffic. the people in the other cars must of thought i was a god:mrgreen:

anyway i managed to get her home with only slightly bumping another car:mrgreen:
in traffic, i didnt even stop:mrgreen: had places to go & people to pee on, (j/k:mrgreen:).

also it was a very slight bump no damage:mrgreen:

man i was like 22 or 23 and she was 33 and hot i mean bangin and she was a real how shall i put it, very "fun" person:mrgreen:

i met her online and we met at a bar. drank for like 30 min and then we took that drive to me house, gotta say prolly my best first date ever. that internet is like a pussy delivery service

mmm mm i want me another mrs robinson
 
oneyearorange

oneyearorange

New Member
Yeah well I was on a blind date once with this chick who actually ended up being dope. Things were going great. We were really hitting it off. So after dinner we went for a ride to this little spot in the woods with a great view of the lake. We pulled over and she started going down on me. Guess what the Mexican food we had just eaten before starts to disagree. You know were Im going with this dontcha. I start getting a really awful case of the bubbly stomach. I'm hoping she's not hearing the shit thrashing around in my belly. I'm so close to shitting my pant I tell the girl I have to take a piss in order for me to cum. So I get out the car and run into the woods. Pull down my pants squat and take a shit right there. I was in such a rush that I ended up shitting right into my underwear. It fell from my ass directly into my pants. Okay so now I'm screwed cuz I was gonna use my undies to wipe my ass. SO what do I do. Next best thing I use my socks. I clean up as best I can with as little as I had. Get back in the car and let her finish what she started. I was so paranoid she was gonna smell shit but she never said a word. Funny thing is I actually ended up dating her for about year after that. She still has no clue.
 
pandabear

pandabear

Well-Known Member
oneyearorange said:
Yeah well I was on a blind date once with this chick who actually ended up being dope. Things were going great. We were really hitting it off. So after dinner we went for a ride to this little spot in the woods with a great view of the lake. We pulled over and she started going down on me. Guess what the Mexican food we had just eaten before starts to disagree. You know were Im going with this dontcha. I start getting a really awful case of the bubbly stomach. I'm hoping she's not hearing the shit thrashing around in my belly. I'm so close to shitting my pant I tell the girl I have to take a piss in order for me to cum. So I get out the car and run into the woods. Pull down my pants squat and take a shit right there. I was in such a rush that I ended up shitting right into my underwear. It fell from my ass directly into my pants. Okay so now I'm screwed cuz I was gonna use my undies to wipe my ass. SO what do I do. Next best thing I use my socks. I clean up as best I can with as little as I had. Get back in the car and let her finish what she started. I was so paranoid she was gonna smell shit but she never said a word. Funny thing is I actually ended up dating her for about year after that. She still has no clue.
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whoa!! good save buddy lol that must of sucked:mrgreen:
 
NO GROW

NO GROW

Well-Known Member
oneyearorange said:
Yeah well I was on a blind date once with this chick who actually ended up being dope. Things were going great. We were really hitting it off. So after dinner we went for a ride to this little spot in the woods with a great view of the lake. We pulled over and she started going down on me. Guess what the Mexican food we had just eaten before starts to disagree. You know were Im going with this dontcha. I start getting a really awful case of the bubbly stomach. I'm hoping she's not hearing the shit thrashing around in my belly. I'm so close to shitting my pant I tell the girl I have to take a piss in order for me to cum. So I get out the car and run into the woods. Pull down my pants squat and take a shit right there. I was in such a rush that I ended up shitting right into my underwear. It fell from my ass directly into my pants. Okay so now I'm screwed cuz I was gonna use my undies to wipe my ass. SO what do I do. Next best thing I use my socks. I clean up as best I can with as little as I had. Get back in the car and let her finish what she started. I was so paranoid she was gonna smell shit but she never said a word. Funny thing is I actually ended up dating her for about year after that. She still has no clue.
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LMAO, good ol' shitty pants......:mrgreen:
 
kayasgarden

kayasgarden

Well-Known Member
so when i dont feel like putting in the effort to fuck, the handjob i give the oldman in the shower is worthless. Thats disapointing but giving head in the shower makes me feel like im drowning so im not down with that. What a funny thread ;)
 
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