fuck stories( you girls can join in too)

[bongspit]

the hand job thread made me laugh so, I thought a fuck stories would be good... I picked this drunk girl up one night and I was trippn on blotter, she wants to go to her place. I was driving a 1970 corvette at the time and used a set of handcuffs as a theft deterant, put them from the shifter to the steering wheel. Well, she is playn with the cuffs and when we get to her place she brings the cuffs inside. She handcuffs herself to the bed and we have a good old time. When were moving on to different things she wanted me to unlock the handcuffs, but the key was in the car(remember I am trippn my ass off and smokd a big fatty also), so I get my clothes on and go out side to my car to get the keys, this apartment complex is huge and I have a hard time finding my car, I finally find my car and get the key and head back to her apartment only I can not find it...I do not have her phone # and do not know her last name. I looked for over an hour and it was 3 am, so i left. Several months later I was at this party and out of nowhere this good lookn chick comes up to me and is calln me names and slaps the shit out of me...guess who? I asked her if I could have my handcuffs back, but she just cussed me...

 

[tahoe58]

hahahahaha thats a good one.....thanks.....I wanna know though...do you still have the 70 stingray? hahahahahahaha

 

[bongspit]

hahahahaha thats a good one.....thanks.....I wanna know though...do you still have the 70 stingray? hahahahahahaha

yes I do..I have owned it for 25 years...

 

[tahoe58]

ok ok ok....now ur just making me sick.....I do believe I see a meeting ....we need to get togehter and share stories and puff a little.....you're awesome!

****EDIT**** ok ok ...enuf diversion.....back to the topic at hand!

 

[BlazeOne since 1989]

ha ha i got one, i was fucking my girl who is also my friends sister and we were in her room. she was sitting on my shit in a corner on her bed and she had her shirt still on and the blanket was wrapped around us so u couldnt really see what we were doing. we heard her mom leave and we thought we were all alone now so we started being loud(ya know how it is) about 15 min goes by when my 2 friends and her brother just walk in start using the computer and watchin tv just chillin. Everytime i had to move to positsion myself she let out a lil moan lol noone really must have heard cuz they were just chillin.we had to wait an hour before they left and if u aint fuckin that position can be very uncomfortable so for an hour i had to wait and unless ur superman ur woody aint lastin an hour with a 115 pounds sitting on it. yes....very uncomfortable and i didnt even get to bust what a bitch j/p

 

[justsmoked]

the hand job thread made me laugh so, I thought a fuck stories would be good... I picked this drunk girl up one night and I was trippn on blotter, she wants to go to her place. I was driving a 1970 corvette at the time and used a set of handcuffs as a theft deterant, put them from the shifter to the steering wheel. Well, she is playn with the cuffs and when we get to her place she brings the cuffs inside. She handcuffs herself to the bed and we have a good old time. When were moving on to different things she wanted me to unlock the handcuffs, but the key was in the car(remember I am trippn my ass off and smokd a big fatty also), so I get my clothes on and go out side to my car to get the keys, this apartment complex is huge and I have a hard time finding my car, I finally find my car and get the key and head back to her apartment only I can not find it...I do not have her phone # and do not know her last name. I looked for over an hour and it was 3 am, so i left. Several months later I was at this party and out of nowhere this good lookn chick comes up to me and is calln me names and slaps the shit out of me...guess who? I asked her if I could have my handcuffs back, but she just cussed me...

thats awesome.....

 

[tahoe58]

well...ok I can add to this...though it does not have the panache of the previous posts....this was just one of those most memorable of fucks that you have ever had....it was my fifteenth wedding anniversary...went out for dinner and dancing at a secluded mountain lodge in the middle of nowhere where the snow stands 35ft deep....and walking back to our cabin....we passed the outdoor hot tub...well the gates were all locked but it was obviously still streaming away...so we jumped the fence....and stripped nekid and jumped in....only to enjoy the most serene and tranquil fuck under the stars at 3AM .... mounds of snows and ice, and the hot natural spring pools caressing our bodies....we jumped out and ran clothes in hand bare nekid butts hanging out in the wind...ran to our cabin and proceeded to continue in front of the fireplace.....all in all truly a memorable moment....though I guess that would have been for me cuz.....that same year she asked for a divorce.....WTF.....guess I wasn't romantic nuf?!

 

[BlazeOne since 1989]

that sux balls

 

[iBLaZe4tozErO]

i once went out for drinks with thist chick and hers friends. She ends up gettin smashed and starts to yak. Her friends left her with me to take her home now This is only the 2nd time we kick it and I dnt know where she lives. Plus she wasent able to evn tell me. So I just took her back to my place. she is way to drunk to bone but I didnt want to stay in the parkin lot all night. So in the middle of the the she walks to my closet and I'm wndering WTF she is doing( she said she has to pee) when we got back things started happening ( i thought she recovered from her drunkiness) (i was wrong, ill get to this in a min) ok so I finish on her and instead of wiping that shit off bitch rolls over in to my blankets. WTF. To top it off she woke up and was wondering y she was naked ( she was on top for the first postion) so WTF. We ended up boning a few more times but that was it.

 

[fdd2blk]

i once touched a boobie.

 

[iBLaZe4tozErO]

I just remembered I time when I was talking this chick into letting me fin in her mouth. So she decide to go for it but didnt want to swallow. I'm ok with that but instead of spitting it some were decent the bitch. Let it fall out of her mouth on me. That was a bad time. Maybe she did it on purpose so she wouldent have to try that again. It worked after that i just bust on her. That ll teach her haha jk

 

[iblazethatkush]

I once saw a woman completely naked

 

[NO GROW]

O.K. here goes.

This was years ago but it is still funny.

Me and my girl were having a fight and I went to her 1. because she couldnt hang up on me and 2. because I wanted make up sex . We argued for a few more minutes then started huggin, then kissin, then I went down on her. Anyways I come up for air and I am about to insert the peanus when I here the front door of her house open and shut.

I jump up get behind the door to hide and her bedroom door opens. As soon as her mom opens the door she says and I quote: " O yeah thats real fuckin nice " I'm lost, I dont know what shes talkin about, as I look around to see I look down and my boner is straight out, like sticking out from the door... LMAO

She came and and the first thing she saw was my meat sticking out...lol

I grabbed my underwear and pants and ran outside putting them on. My friend lined right down the block so thats were I went. About 5 minutes later my ex girls little sister knocked on my friends door and told me that her mom had a belt and was looking for me...LMAO

THE GOOD OL' DAYS

 

[kochab]

well...ok I can add to this...though it does not have the panache of the previous posts....this was just one of those most memorable of fucks that you have ever had....it was my fifteenth wedding anniversary...went out for dinner and dancing at a secluded mountain lodge in the middle of nowhere where the snow stands 35ft deep....and walking back to our cabin....we passed the outdoor hot tub...well the gates were all locked but it was obviously still streaming away...so we jumped the fence....and stripped nekid and jumped in....only to enjoy the most serene and tranquil fuck under the stars at 3AM .... mounds of snows and ice, and the hot natural spring pools caressing our bodies....we jumped out and ran clothes in hand bare nekid butts hanging out in the wind...ran to our cabin and proceeded to continue in front of the fireplace.....all in all truly a memorable moment....though I guess that would have been for me cuz.....that same year she asked for a divorce.....WTF.....guess I wasn't romantic nuf?!

i guess thats her way of saying she wants to fuck somewhere warmer. with someone else.
stupid women....

 

[iblazethatkush]

I jump up get behind the door to hide and her bedroom door opens. As soon as her mom opens the door she says and I quote: " O yeah thats real fuckin nice " I'm lost, I dont know what shes talkin about, as I look around to see I look down and my boner is straight out, like sticking out from the door... LMAO

She came and and the first thing she saw was my meat sticking out...lol

Oh, man that's funnier than shit...I wish I had some funny sex stories...Nothing funny like that has ever happened to me. I need to get laid more often

 

[kochab]

About 5 minutes later my ex girls little sister knocked on my friends door and told me that her mom had a belt and was looking for me...LMAO

guess you should have been paying out more attention for her mom then her dad. lol

 

[NO GROW]

LOL, we were together for a while, the mom caught us doing alot of stuff.

Plus it was just her, her little sister, and her mom. Good thing, because the dad might not have let me run out in my undies.

 

[kochab]

this one time me and the old lady were about to bang the nasties and whatnot right so I approach her from the side of the bed while her ass was all up in the air and whatnot.
well I me being in the playfull type of mood i was, jumped @ her really quick and was going to land onto the bed beside her.
ONLY she thinking i was going to land ON her, rolls INTO the way of where i was gonna land......
so i tried to keep from hitting her as much as possible , and she proceeded to cause me to bury my wood straight into the mattress.
Not sure how many other guys out there have had their penis bent in half (forcefully no doubt....) while it is erect. but that shit dont feel too good.

 

[Live2Die420]

Not sure how many other guys out there have had their penis bent in half (forcefully no doubt....) while it is erect. but that shit dont feel too good.

I have man, Its a long story but it involved a lot of female anger, an erect penis, and a shovel.

I don't have any funny fuck stories except for getting caught in cars having sex by the cops and all, that happens to everyone though, ha ha... not...

But this brings me to another wise tip. If your ever smoking with you one of your boys and a few girls in a car, in a secluded area, and for some reason a cop approaches you. Use the sure fire excuse that you all were having an orgy. Has gotten me outta a tight situation twice.

 

[StaySafe420]

Here we go.... This one's a wee sick

When I was 16 my girl and I decided to lose our virginity together, and the night we planned my parents were supposed to be out of town (foreshadowing). She comes over and I made us dinner... after a couple glasses of wine we decided to head to the bedroom. I start by going down on her and after a few minutes I hop up and put it in. Well she could only handle it for a few minutes before she starting crying. Well we took a minute break and she asked me to go back down on her to get her ready to go again. So being a gentleman i did and after a bit of that i hear the door close shut and my mom calls out to me and I jump up and put my clothes on fast. My girl asked to stay in the room and i went out alone.

My mom immediately asked me who was in my room and i said my girlfriend. She asked me if we were fooling around and of course i said no. So after a minute of interrogation she leads me to the bathroom mirror so i can see my face...

All around my mouth is covered in blood from going back down on her... I thought something tasted different