Ladies and Gents: The Differences in Communication Between the Two Sexes

[Chiceh]

You are not alone here, I get uncomfortable when I see people upset or crying too. I think it maybe because I hardly ever cry myself. I also lack empathy, lol.
My hubby and I can shoot the shit for hours about all kinds of things, but when it comes to feelings, he just can't seem to talk about them.

I think you hit on the word frustration a few times I think thats what sums it up MEN GET FRUSTRATED women get it out....once again we are not stereotyping just making generalizations. I was fortunate enough to have a loving family, my gpop was a homophobe but so were a lot of the older guys in my family, but I still hug my close friends and I am confident enough to somewhat express these things but still I was raised in a world that makes it hard to be emotional as a man. My mother never said a mean word about anyone and she allowed me to be me, even if I hugged a boy....egads. I guess I'm sensitive and at times it's frustrating, you know instead of punching walls and feeling like a jerk if I could be "allowed" to get emotional I'm sure a lot of my problems would fix themselves...just the way it is for most males. Now on the other hand I must also admit I have been gun shy when my girlfriends got emotional and or dramatic it makes me uncomfortable. I think it's one of those Venus and Mars things, 18 years is a long time wow I couldn't do it. I shut down when emotionally a lot lately and it hurts a lot.

 

[Lacy]

I get very uncomfortable when I see someone crying or upset but I am overly empathetic. I always place myself in their situation and try and imagine what it feels like.
And funny enough I feel guilty too. I somehow feel like when anyone is upset it must have been either something I did or said wrong I know its an extreme sense of insecurity on my part.

I suppose we all show frustration when upset but it is expressed differently. I know that when I am frustrated it either comes across as nagging, crying, and maybe even sulking but I never thought about it as coming across as anger before. Maybe it does?

I know I have never seen my hubby cry but heaven forbid if he cried more than me. We'd both be lost 'cause he's my rock.
Maybe he feels he has to be this way to compensate or balance the fact that I am overly emotional.

You are not alone here, I get uncomfortable when I see people upset or crying too. I think it maybe because I hardly ever cry myself. I also lack empathy, lol.
My hubby and I can shoot the shit for hours about all kinds of things, but when it comes to feelings, he just can't seem to talk about them.

 

[bongspit]

I don't think being compassionate and sympathetic is a male or female only trait...I think that has to do with your personality and how you were raised...I am a single father, have been for 13 years and I have had people over the years question whether or not I could do the job...but I have hugged and kissed my son and daughter every day of their life...until my son went away to college....

 

[Lacy]

You serious? They were both afraid their son was going to be gay because of a 'hug?'

Gosh! What did you say to your son and how did he feel?

my son was maybe 3 years old. he hugged everyone. he has always loved other kids. we went to a friends house. the dad was all macho and into monster trucks and kickin' ass. my son walked over and hugged his son of the same age. dude freaked out. got all scared his boy was gonna be gay. had a little talk with his wife about it who later spoke to me.

 

[Lacy]

raised your kids on your own for 13 years.
good for you bongspit. Thta must be where you aquired your patience skills. I can see you being a good dad also.

You still see your son don't you? Isn't he the one who helps you with the cars and stuff?

I don't think being compassionate and sympathetic is a male or female only trait...I think that has to do with your personality and how you were raised...I am a single father, have been for 13 years and I have had people over the years question whether or not I could do the job...but I have hugged and kissed my son and daughter every day of their life...until my son went away to college....

 

[Lacy]

I don't think its a male or female trait think thing either. I know both males and females share those very same emotions, I just think we express it differently and yes it probably is mostly to do with how we were raised.

 

[Chiceh]

I searched this topic and found this interesting tidbit, lol. Check it out:

Men act, women talk

Firstly, men’s brains are wired for action during high emotion, whereas women’s brains are wired for talking things over. If a man instinctively knows his anger is likely to lead to action (and possibly regrettable violence) he may try to stop it going that far by putting a lid it on it. Or ‘clamming up' as his partner may describe it.

Secondly, from an evolutionary perspective men would have had to shut off their emotions while out hunting, so over time it has become natural for them to do so.

But there is a third and even better reason why men typically may shut themselves off more from emotional arousal.

I’m out of here! - the male survival mechanism

In an emotionally-arousing situation, a man’s first instinct is to leave and calm down. This is partly due to how emotions affect men. They are a cue to physical action - the consequences of which could be terrible. If a man stays put and becomes very emotional, his blood pressure skyrockets and he is at risk of having a heart attack. It also takes much longer for a man’s blood pressure and immune system to return to normal after high emotion than it does for a woman. Therefore a man will instinctively try (without even knowing that this is what he is doing) to protect himself and escape the situation.

 

[mr.x007]

I to was raised like this. My g/f is still amazed that i hurry out of the car to open her door for her after 8months. i know that isnt a long time but you think she would be used to it now.
Man my grandpa would be rolling in his grave if I turned out any different.

my dad was always really good when it came to respect and manners. we had to excuse ourselves from the table. "yes please" and "no thank you". hold the door for the person behind you. all the simple things that once made this world a better place.

 

[bongspit]

raised your kids on your own for 13 years.
good for you bongspit. Thta must be where you aquired your patience skills. I can see you being a good dad also.

You still see your son don't you? Isn't he the one who helps you with the cars and stuff?

yes...my son and I are very close...my best bud...but he goes to college 300 miles away and he comes home for holidays and such...

 

[Kestas]

I personally think you ladies just like to think or "hope" there is more to us guys than just happy and sad. I'm either happy or sad no mixed feelings. If I'm sad no one will know because I will "fix" the sad and be happy. Last time I cried I was 10 years old at my grandmothers funeral, I'm 26 now. We all know people say men's problems are thought out logically and women's problems are thought out emotionally. All men know crying doesn't solve anything so why do it? Just to make the person your crying at feel worse?

 

[Lacy]

I totally agree with you on this one gygax. I think it is in the upbringing but I also agree with chiceh in that there is some instinctive nature that comes into play.

Lacy the anger thing has to do with american/canadian culture and the way boys/men are raised. True I learned it in college...LOL. But we are not taught to be emotional, it is looked down upon, by the time we are adults we don't know how to express it...anger is how it shows. Most times when I guy seems angry he is upset and unfortunately it's the way it is......I am guilty of it I admit it, I also have not picked the best significant others when it comes to communication. So basically it's the way our culture is. Do we tend to encourage or discourage 2 young boys hugging each other, I would say discourage now how about the girls? The girls are encouraged to do the loving things. It's sad really

And it's biological, men are hunter gather fixer types women nuture and provide emotional support.

 

[Lacy]

Thats excellent Bong. I sensed that from you and am starting to understand why you are such a happy man.

yes...my son and I are very close...my best bud...but he goes to college 300 miles away and he comes home for holidays and such...

 

[Lacy]

Oh I know there is more to you guys than just happy or sad. All I am saying is that we(women) have a tendency to express it differently is all. We have a fuller range of emotions and are much more expressive than men(in general)

I think men have been taught that it is not ok to cry so do get frustrated and in doing so just shove down what is bothering them and I don't think that women cry just to make the other person feel bad. I can't speak for other woman but I know I cry for many reasons including frustration.

I have to agree with you in that men tend to think things out logically and rationally whereas woman work things out emotionally BUT I don't think it is something that is it done at a conscious level.

Of course we know rationally that crying is not going to fix anything but it does make us feel better. Of course it doesn't solve the problem BUT thats just the point,...there doesn't have to be a problem for men to fix. We just wanna talk about it.

Woman sometimes just like to talk things out without giving guys the feeling that they have to be the 'fixers.'

I personally think you ladies just like to think or "hope" there is more to us guys than just happy and sad. I'm either happy or sad no mixed feelings. If I'm sad no one will know because I will "fix" the sad and be happy. Last time I cried I was 10 years old at my grandmothers funeral, I'm 26 now. We all know people say men's problems are thought out logically and women's problems are thought out emotionally. All men know crying doesn't solve anything so why do it? Just to make the person your crying at feel worse?

 

[HotNSexyMILF]

Woman sometimes just like to talk things out without giving guys the feeling that they have to be the 'fixers.'

Men-- every time we "vent" on you or start talking about things bothering us.. it's not always because there's a problem YOU must fix.. lol.. i swear I hear about that problem too much

 

[fdd2blk]

why don't you "vent' by fixing something? at least do the dishes. lol

men take the energy that women use to argue and put it to something useful. women will spend hours tiring themselves over drama. men will spend hours tiring themselves cleaning the gutters. which ones more productive?

 

[HotNSexyMILF]

why don't you "vent' by fixing something? at least do the dishes. lol

men take the energy that women use to argue and put it to something useful. women will spend hours tiring themselves over drama. men will spend hours tiring themselves cleaning the gutters. which ones more productive?

LOL... hey FDD I'm not in that category- if I need to vent I usually get high and do some work.

 

[fdd2blk]

LOL... hey FDD I'm not in that category- if I need to vent I usually get high and do some work.

when i do something that upsets my wife she gets pissy. i stop and say "what's wrong"? she says "I was really hurt when you........." from there it's on me. no need to go into 3 hours of drawn out feelings. "i understand. i will do my best to note my behavior and correct it. i do not want to hurt you." done.



when i get pissed i go clean the backyard, then i come back and talk about it. it's easier when i'm calm.

 

[HotNSexyMILF]

when i do something that upsets my wife she gets pissy. i stop and say "what's wrong"? she says "I was really hurt when you........." from there it's on me. no need to go into 3 hours of drawn out feelings. "i understand. i will do my best to note my behavior and correct it. i do not want to hurt you." done.



when i get pissed i go clean the backyard, then i come back and talk about it. it's easier when i'm calm.

LOL... I hear ya..

Btw, weirdly enough a lot of women I've known get more mad during that "calm down" period-- they'd just stir in the problems and end up making them seem even worse...

 

[girlyhits]

My husband shows the full range of emotions. He's supportive, sensitive and my safe place when I am vunerable. He's also very well schooled in martial arts and all man to me (even with his beer belly he's sporting). I think we get each other as much as possible considering you can't crawl inside someone elses mind, which I have been accussed of trying to do

Yes I know how lucky I am. I asked him one year what he wanted for christmas.... he said as long as your thier when I wake up christmas morning I got my gift. I don't have much to complain about on the husband front

 

[girlyhits]

LOL... I hear ya..

Btw, weirdly enough a lot of women I've known get more mad during that "calm down" period-- they'd just stir in the problems and end up making them seem even worse...

I'm that way..... I'm working on it though. It's not fair and I know it, but when I'm angry and pissed off, deep down I want a hug. The more time that passes without an apology the more angry I get. After I'm no long angry - I can understand why he wouldn't want to approach me when I'm pissed, but that logic can escape me when I'm busy justifing my anger to myself.

Like I said - I'm working on it. What can I say .... my husband is a better person than I am and I know it.