why do women continue to stay with abusers?

Luger187

Well-Known Member
they always say they love him and he can change. but they fail to realize hes not going to. its a fantasy. why the fuck would he change if he knows he can control u with violence?

whats the mentality behind all this? why is there so many women that are ok with being beaten up by the "man" that "loves" them? i just dont get it
 

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
they always say they love him and he can change. but they fail to realize hes not going to. its a fantasy. why the fuck would he change if he knows he can control u with violence?

whats the mentality behind all this? why is there so many women that are ok with being beaten up by the "man" that "loves" them? i just dont get it
Well when you've been beaten and verbally abused you start to believe what the abuser thinks/says of you. Verbal abuse goes hand in hand with physical abuse. When you are told how worthless/stupid/weak/helpless you are over and over again, it starts to sink in. Especially if the words are punctuated with physical blows. The victim feels trapped and unable to leave the situation because they feel they have nowhere to go.

You seem slightly inclined to blame the victim. But keep in mind they are victims. Just like hostages that sympathize with their captors, most abused victims defend their abusers. They have a name for that. it's called Stockholm Syndrome.

What I don't understand is why people who know someone that is being abused and instead of helping or intervening, they spend time blaming the victim. Just like with Mr. Loughner, everyone around him knew he had a serious problem. Not a single person stepped up to get him help and in so doing lives were lost. Spousal abuse if not stopped usually ends with the victim's death.

If you know someone that is being abused. You should report it. We are a nation of bystanders. It's time we got involved.
 

Luger187

Well-Known Member
Well when you've been beaten and verbally abused you start to believe what the abuser thinks/says of you. Verbal abuse goes hand in hand with physical abuse. When you are told how worthless/stupid/weak/helpless you are over and over again, it starts to sink in. Especially if the words are punctuated with physical blows. You seem slightly inclined to blame the victim. But keep in mind they are victims. Just like hostages that sympathize with their captors. They have a name for that. it's called Stockholm Syndrome.

What I don't understand is why people who know someone that is being abused and instead of helping or intervening, they spend time blaming the victim. Just like with Mr. Loughner, everyone around him knew he had a serious problem. Not a single person stepped up to get him help and in so doing lives were lost. Spousal abuse if not stopped usually ends with the victim's death.

If you know someone that is being abused. You should report it. We are a nation of bystanders. It's time we got involved.
first of all... let me say that i dont ONLY blame the victim. a guy that does that is a piece of shit, plain and simple

im talking about the women that are told over and over to leave him, but they still refuse because he can "change", and she "loves" him. after that point, if she stays with him, its mostly on her. thats the way i see it

i only blame the victim when the victim needs to be blamed. after a certain point, if they realize its a bad situation, but still refuse to leave the relationship... thats her fault for continuing to accept the abuse. he WILL, without a doubt, continue to hit her if she stays with him. at what point do u blame her for continuing the situation? u know damn well that he isnt going to break up with her. thats just not the way that mentality works. she needs to step up for herself and break it off.

if she left town and stayed away from him, he would never hit her again, simply because he isnt around her. u cant just yell at the guy and expect him to stop putting his hands on her.
 

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
first of all... let me say that i dont ONLY blame the victim. a guy that does that is a piece of shit, plain and simple

im talking about the women that are told over and over to leave him, but they still refuse because he can "change", and she "loves" him. after that point, if she stays with him, its mostly on her. thats the way i see it

i only blame the victim when the victim needs to be blamed. after a certain point, if they realize its a bad situation, but still refuse to leave the relationship... thats her fault for continuing to accept the abuse. he WILL, without a doubt, continue to hit her if she stays with him. at what point do u blame her for continuing the situation? u know damn well that he isnt going to break up with her. thats just not the way that mentality works. she needs to step up for herself and break it off.

if she left town and stayed away from him, he would never hit her again, simply because he isnt around her. u cant just yell at the guy and expect him to stop putting his hands on her.
You completely missed the point of my post. So... you'd believe it's o.k to blame a woman who was raped because of the way she was dressed or she was flirtatious. She deserved it. Look up Stockholm Syndrome. Educate yourself.

This is my last post on the subject. If you can't see my point then there is no use beating a dead horse.
 

Luger187

Well-Known Member
You completely missed the point of my post. So... you'd believe it's o.k to blame a woman who was raped because of the way she was dressed or she was flirtatious. She deserved it. Look up Stockholm Syndrome. Educate yourself.

This is my last post on the subject. If you can't see my point then there is no use beating a dead horse.
LOLOL when did i say i would blame the woman if she was raped? WTF?!

im talking about women in relationships with guys who beat them. if he continually hits her, she KNOWS FOR A FACT that he will hit her again. if she knows that fact, and stays with him... then YES, shes asking to be hit again by the abuser.

if the guy is crazy enough to hit the woman he "loves", he is crazy enough to do it again. if she continues to stay with the guy, how is it wrong to also blame her at that point?

i think carne thinks im saying the guy is not at fault for some reason... i figured it was a given that he is also to blame. guess i have to point that out:wall:
 

guy incognito

Well-Known Member
The initial abuse is not the victims fault. Further abuse is. There is a huge difference between being held against your will (as in a hostage situation) and willingly staying in a relationship of your own free will.

There is only so much an outsider can do. I have witnessed it in several relationships. Every time the woman had low self esteem and wasn't strong enough to move on past the abuser and get on with her life. Each time she chose to stay with him and take the abuse.
 

420God

Well-Known Member
As much as it sucks, it has always been, and I don't think stressing about it will change anything.

It's terrible that it happens but honestly there is nothing you can do if the female isn't willing to help herself.

Most cases intervening will make it worse.
 

The Knuck

Active Member
i guess saying its the victims fault is strong words, but a women who is beaten a second time has SOME resposibility for it.
 

StonedPony

Well-Known Member
I just dont understand it......I was talking to the girl that comes over my house 2 times a week and ties me up and spanks my ass with a belt then paddles me......I give her 50 bucks and she leaves.........anyways I just dont know why somone would stay in a relationship like that...............the comes sees me says that just cruel and shouldnt happen.
 

420God

Well-Known Member
Ahh.. the male uninformed perspective....

Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving The Abuser <--- link

You all have a lot to learn about abuse. Abusers don't start off by hitting. There is usually months or even years of verbal and emotional abuse before the first blow strikes. O.k I'm done. I'll let you "experts" continue. By the way, i'm a therapist. Have a nice day.
Yeah, because all abuse is the same, right?:wall:

Being a shrink just means people pay you for an opinion, doesn't make it right.
 

Luger187

Well-Known Member
Ahh.. the male uninformed perspective....

Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving The Abuser <--- link

You all have a lot to learn about abuse. Abusers don't start off by hitting. There is usually months or even years of verbal and emotional abuse before the first blow strikes. O.k I'm done. I'll let you "experts" continue. By the way, i'm a therapist. Have a nice day.
LOL ok then its her fault for staying in an emotionally abusive relationship.... if u dont realize your being abused, u got some serious problems. most women who are abused know they are being abused, so why dont they leave? u cant blame stockholm for every case...

"emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a strategy for survival for victims of abuse and intimidation."
wouldnt a better survival strategy be to leave the guy?
 

The Knuck

Active Member
You sure put a lot of stock in this syndrome, i am aware of it and dont need it explained to me.

I have a daughter, if someone hits her she needs to call the cops or me and she wont be hit twice because i raised her to never put up with it.

every women that stays with an abuser doesnt have stocholm syn,
 

guy incognito

Well-Known Member
Yes we've all taken a psychology class at the community college. Those women in verbally abusive relationships should have left before the physical violence started. If they didn't, then they certainly should have left after the physical abuse started. Beyond that they are nuts for staying. Stockholm syndrome be damned.

Don't ever try to figure out rational reasons and explain women's behavior. Those two subjects have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
 

Gafoogle

Well-Known Member
okay guys, put this in perspective here. let's say your some dork and you start dating this chick. at first she's amazing and you fall in love, then she starts getting a little bitchy, a little crazy, maybe one day you piss her off and she slaps you. doesn't necessarily mean you stop loving her, it means she's not that nice. it's the same way with women. we fall in love, and sometimes partners take advantage of that. like it was said before, abuse builds. maybe it starts off as a public put down followed by an apology, a year later it's a little slap during at argument followed by hot make up sex. if the situation escalates, the emotions and the feeling of love tend to go with it, making it all the more difficult to leave the relationship.

you can look at a woman who's being beaten regularly and say she's an idiot, but just remember that you have no way of knowing exactly what she's been though to get to the point she's at. maybe now she's confused, or she's scared, or she's lonely, or she's delusional, but she's the only person who can decide. so why speculate.
 

Luger187

Well-Known Member
Yes we've all taken a psychology class at the community college. Those women in verbally abusive relationships should have left before the physical violence started. If they didn't, then they certainly should have left after the physical abuse started. Beyond that they are nuts for staying. Stockholm syndrome be damned.

Don't ever try to figure out rational reasons and explain women's behavior. Those two subjects have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
my girlfriends told me many times that women pretty much only think with emotions... at least she does. i dont wana say all women r like that though...

they really cant figure this shit out? it seems so damn simple to me lol

i know a girl thats in an emotionally abusive relationship. he cheats on her all the time, and even hires her friend for prostitution. he treats her like dirt, CONSTANTLY putting her down. every time im at their house, hes yelling at her for something that isnt her fault. she knows all of this, but still stays with him. and it has nothing to do with money, because her dad is rich and could easily get her an apartment. i know she doesnt have stockholm because she thinks hes a piece of shit. but she STILL stays with him! can anyone tell me why? lol
 

HowzerMD

Well-Known Member
It's love man. Have you ever heard "Love will make you do crazy things" ? Some people can be so deeply in love and care so much about their partner that not even being beaten senseless would push them away. Some people become dependent on a relationship for whatever reason. Either way, it's very hard to explain unless you have been there yourself. It's not just women, either. I've known guys that were seriously troubled when it came to relationships.
 

Luger187

Well-Known Member
okay guys, put this in perspective here. let's say your some dork and you start dating this chick. at first she's amazing and you fall in love, then she starts getting a little bitchy, a little crazy, maybe one day you piss her off and she slaps you. doesn't necessarily mean you stop loving her, it means she's not that nice. it's the same way with women. we fall in love, and sometimes partners take advantage of that. like it was said before, abuse builds. maybe it starts off as a public put down followed by an apology, a year later it's a little slap during at argument followed by hot make up sex. if the situation escalates, the emotions and the feeling of love tend to go with it, making it all the more difficult to leave the relationship.

you can look at a woman who's being beaten regularly and say she's an idiot, but just remember that you have no way of knowing exactly what she's been though to get to the point she's at. maybe now she's confused, or she's scared, or she's lonely, or she's delusional, but she's the only person who can decide. so why speculate.
i would break up with her immediately after the bold part. nobody ever hits me and keeps my respect, be it a man or woman. i could NEVER trust her again. and i do expect the same from the women i date(including my current gf).

i am speculating because if i ever have a daughter i want to make sure this never happens to her. i dont want her to go through that. and also i dont wana go to prison when i kill her abusive bf


I feel like standing up an saying out loud STEVE!!!!!!!!!!
lol thats what made me think of this

STEEEEEEEEEEEVE
 

420God

Well-Known Member
my girlfriends told me many times that women pretty much only think with emotions... at least she does. i dont wana say all women r like that though...

they really cant figure this shit out? it seems so damn simple to me lol

i know a girl thats in an emotionally abusive relationship. he cheats on her all the time, and even hires her friend for prostitution. he treats her like dirt, CONSTANTLY putting her down. every time im at their house, hes yelling at her for something that isnt her fault. she knows all of this, but still stays with him. and it has nothing to do with money, because her dad is rich and could easily get her an apartment. i know she doesnt have stockholm because she thinks hes a piece of shit. but she STILL stays with him! can anyone tell me why? lol
Big dick????
 
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