Did I do the wrong thing? Worried sick

Urca

Urca

Well-Known Member
not being in love doesnt mean you dont care deeply for them.
i mean, sometimes i think "wow, maybe i love this guy"
but you cant love someone who you arent dating or seeing alot.
 
ca$hcropper

ca$hcropper

Active Member
Urca said:
not being in love doesnt mean you dont care deeply for them.
i mean, sometimes i think "wow, maybe i love this guy"
but you cant love someone who you arent dating or seeing alot.
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Urca love is emotion you can deeply love someone you never see. You honestly just don't know love yet this is your first taste buts its not real love due to the fact the feelings are onesided
 
Urca

Urca

Well-Known Member
i know, thats why i make sure i dont say i love him and tell myself that i dont. he already told me he doesnt love me, so why would i love him?
 
ca$hcropper

ca$hcropper

Active Member
Finding love sucks it does but its what we live for. Its the greatest feeling you can ever have but it will also be one of the hardest things to find and not always a fun trip
 
dababydroman

dababydroman

Well-Known Member
love is when a mans penis enters a womans vagina. everyday. for the rest of both of your lives.

*assumeing you only live to 25
 
Finshaggy

Finshaggy

Well-Known Member
Urca said:
not being in love doesnt mean you dont care deeply for them.
i mean, sometimes i think "wow, maybe i love this guy"
but you cant love someone who you arent dating or seeing alot.
Click to expand...
I wasn't saying you loved him or not. I don't care...

Either way, STOP SHOWING HIM LOVE.
Don't care about him.
Don't worry.

Urca said:
i know, thats why i make sure i dont say i love him and tell myself that i dont. he already told me he doesnt love me, so why would i love him?
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Are you reading these also?????? ???

Because I AM...

Urca said:
lol ive never even had a boyfriend, i have no clue what love is
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Don't learn like this.

Read what you're saying
 
ca$hcropper

ca$hcropper

Active Member
Urca said:
i know, thats why i make sure i dont say i love him and tell myself that i dont. he already told me he doesnt love me, so why would i love him?
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Exactly and you should move on, he expressed his feelings and now you should move on so you don't get hurt, because you don't love him now but you do care and sound like you want more than fwb were he doesn't and won't want anymore and your feelings towards him will just continue to grow causing you pain in. The end so why not just go ahead and fold your cards and get steppin so you don't hurt yourself
 
ca$hcropper

ca$hcropper

Active Member
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to lime73 again. Guess I got you too much too but you both deserve more
 
doc111

doc111

Well-Known Member
Urca said:
why so mean? im sitting in tears over here
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This might help:

http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/the-less-i-care-the-more-he-seems-to/

I highlighted the relevant portion.;-)


I’ve been on several dates with this guy who seems to show more interest and put in more effort when I start caring less. The reason I started caring less is because he was not being that considerate about our plans (i.e. canceling). When I care less, he tries harder and puts in more effort which causes me to end up liking him more again.
Maybe my situation is unusual, but in general , after several dates, is it okay for a girl ask a guy to hang out sometimes? Or, should she keep letting the guy initiate plans until they are actually in a relationship?
I thought it would be okay for me to initiate plans, but with this guy, but it seems like he cares more when I care less… so another question is: Is that normal or is this guy a screwball?
Read our guy’s response after the jump!

This is a good question. The situation that you’re describing actually illustrates something that I’ve talked about before.
In previous posts, I’ve talked about how when a guy is being flaky, doesn’t text back, or isn’t doing something you want him to do, the worst response is to become needy.
In your case, you weren’t needy – you didn’t make a big deal about it and you backed off when he wasn’t putting in the effort that you expect. As a result, he started putting in more of an effort because you gave him space to do so.
I have to tell you, my e-mail box is FILLED with e-mails about how some guy didn’t text back or didn’t call or didn’t set his Facebook status to say “In a relationship”, etc. The majority of these issues could be resolved by just doing what you did – backing off, giving the guy some space and letting him come to you and put in the effort.
Too often I see girls smothering or nagging a guy when he doesn’t do what they want him to. That always results in the guy becoming more withdrawn. After all, why would he want to commit himself more to a girl who’s nagging him already, right at the beginning of a relationship!
So to answer your question, I don’t think this guy is a screwball at all. Like most guys, he’s probably just figuring his situation out and simultaneously figuring out if a relationship with you is really what he’s looking for. I think he’s a normal guy and I think you are handling the situation well.
Sooner or later he will figure it out and, as long as you’re patient, there’s a good chance he could get into a stable relationship with you. On the other hand, it can take some guys longer than others to figure out what they want, so you need to have a good sense of how patient you want to be.
If you hit a breaking point, there’s nothing wrong with putting your thoughts out there and letting him know where you’re coming from. If you reach that point, just make sure you are clear on what you really want yourself, say what you need to say and be done with the conversation. Don’t drag it out into a conversation that you keep revisiting.
In regards to this guy, you asked if it’s OK for you to initiate plans. In general, there’s nothing wrong with you initiating plans with a guy. However, you mentioned that he shows more of an effort when you “care less”, so I would say that if that’s what works, why not hang back and let him put in the effort.
When it comes to people, it doesn’t matter what you think people should respond to – it only matters what they actually do respond to. If you like this guy, go with what seems to be working best with him – give him space and let him put the effort in. Less work for you, too.
Hope that helps.
- eric charles
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Winter Woman

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
Urca, I remember being your age and having a broken heart. It sucks to be young and in love with love. Just give yourself sometime and all this will seem like a distant memory.
 
W

wayno30

New Member
sooo......... urca.............ten pages later.... u blowed some guy now he doesnt want anything to do with u?.......seems kinda strange have u offered to blow him again?.......
 
Carne Seca

Carne Seca

Well-Known Member
wayno30 said:
sooo......... urca.............ten pages later.... u blowed some guy now he doesnt want anything to do with u?.......seems kinda strange have u offered to blow him again?.......
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You sound experienced. Does your offer of fellatio ever patch up a broken relationship?
 
dannyboy602

dannyboy602

Well-Known Member
Urca you place peoples opinions of you higher than your opinion of your own self. And when they disappoint, you wonder why.
And you're here venting but always looking for affirmation. You got to man up. I think you should go into the military. It will teach you how to be more independent. And it'll get you into the best shape of your life.
 
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