Anyone ever been arrested for growing?

[purklize]

Yeah mj is by far the best thing you can use... really for anything. The lack of addiction is amazing.

My first panic attack was unbelievably intense... I was studying all night for a big calc III exam when I hadn't been to class in a month, very underslept from the night before, on a ton of stimulants...

I felt like god, lightning shooting through my veins, buzzing through the calc np... then I noticed that my heart was beating funny, I could feel it pounding in my chest. I felt my pulse and it was missing beats, and I just laughed it off. But then it rapidly got worse, missing beats all over the place, my heart rate hitting almost 200. I ran back to my dorm room from the study room, disposed of all the funny stuff and sat on my bed fully expecting to die. Every muscle in my entire body went into full spasm, I turned blue, pins and needles and numbness head to foot... my face looked so fucking freaky in the mirror with all those muscles you don't know about spasming, the color gone from my face, I looked dead... :O:O:O then my heart started stopping briefly, I was punching my chest to restart it, figuring that if I were to go into full cardiac arrest I'd fall face first on the floor loudly enough to wake my roommate who would then call 911 lmao (man I was an idiot back then)... :O

Either way I nearly blacked out at the peak of it, it was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life, worse than being robbed, beat up, having cops threaten to blow my head off if I didn't talk, having people stalk me, try to kill me, you name it... ugh. :O The next day my RA came and banged on my door asking if I'd been to the doctor, because he heard I'd had "heart problems" (I guess my roommate wasn't asleep after all... man was I the roommate from hell, that night was only the beginning, he moved out very fast without telling me while I was in class one day LOL). I went to the doc and he told me I'd had a panic attack, I didn't believe him, thought he was not taking me seriously, got insulted and left... then the next day I made another attempt to prepare for that exam (prof gave me an extra day after I told him I'd had a heart attack lmao) and repeated the same shit, except this time when my heart started fucking up I was talking with a friend and she said I was having a panic attack and just happened to have ativan... THANK GOD... took it and was better in minutes, felt an even greater sense of relief than watching a horror film end (man I hate horror movies!). I still have serious PTSD from that first episode, as you can imagine (even though it's been a decade)... I can't ever lie down and relax because I feel this crazy random thumping that feels like an unstable heartbeat but isn't... yuck.

Yeah long story, sorry about that... just wanted to share just how awful panic disorder can get and why Xanax is so important for people to be able to get, for me literally nothing can touch panic except benzos... even other sedatives like opiates and barbs don't help 1% as much. I had no idea the symptoms could be anywhere near that severe, if more people can recognize a panic attack and know they aren't having a heart attack, therefore sparing themselves from HELL, I will have done my job here...

 

[phishtank]

My first panic attack was by far my worse. And after hearing about it you'll understand why I just smoked weed for the first time in 5 years this week. Was smoking a bag with my friends on the way to a shine down concert and got overly high...and during the middle of the show i started freaking out and panicking so bad that I actually did pass out in the middle of a HUGE crowd of people. Luckily there were some nice people standing by that literally dragged me out of the house of blues. After finally coming to someone was nice enough to light me a cigarette and after about an hour of laying outside smoking I finally had enough strength to stand up and move around again. They wouldn't let me back in though because they thought I had passed out from being drunk...assholes. Ever since that one time I've had anxiety on and off for about 7-8 years. Sometimes I'll go months with no attacks....and then sometimes i'll have a few a week. It all seems to fall hand in hand with stress levels.

For all of you others that have problems....my very first suggestion is to STOP DRINKING ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE in it. I haven't drank any thing with it in it for about 8 months and haven't had a panic attack in about 8 months. Stimulants will only make the panic disorder worse.

Edit: I still get a little anxious from time to time but i've learned how to control it and keep it from turning into a full blown panic attack. Deep breathing and reminding you that no matter what you will be fine always helps. In the 24 years I've been alive I can honestly say I've never taken a prescription drug aside from anti-biotics for chronic sinus infections. I will continue to live my life refusing to put any kind of synthetic man made prescription drug into my blood stream. The only reason I decided to become a MMJ patient is because I needed something to take the edge off and help me sleep...I've become a tightly wound person over the past few years and I'm trying to get my quality of life back to what it should be.

 

[berkman858]

Aside from the normal things like telling myself it's going to be alright, deep breathing, etc., I find my panic attacks really subsided when I changed my outlook on life. I pretty much said FUCK IT, bring it on, I can take it. After I started thinking like that, I have felt more confident and haven't had a real panic attack since, brief episodes now and then but they go away very quickly with my FUCK IT attitude. Both MJ and FUCK IT made me a new man, and I am applying that attitude towards growing. I know I can grow some dank, just give me some time to perfect my skills.

FUCK IT, bring it on, I can do anything.

 

[collective gardener]

This morphed into a great topic. I, too, suffer PTSD from the ordeal. Being settup by someone I thought was my friend didn't do much for my ability to trust people. I was settup again just 7 years ago by another person I though was my friend. Fortunately, I was one step ahead of him and avoided any problems beyond attorney's fees. That I can have relationships at all is amazing. Today nobody has access to my life except my wife.

All of this is the result of a failed policy. The War on Drugs has raged on for almost a century now. From those first words in 1914 "No Chinaman shall posess opium"....to the revised law: "No man shal posess opium".....to the testimony before congress urging them to outlaw marijuana: "Marijuan causes white women to seek relations with negros".

If we cannot grow up and see the errors of our past, we are doomed to be so locked in current policy that we are unable to adapt to a changing world. If this is the case, the apex of American Greatness has come and gone.

 

[purklize]

Yeah it is awful on your ability to trust others, I didn't get snitched on but my attorney was shocked when he found out from the cops that I didn't give them names or talk at all (they were threatening to blow my head off if I didn't talk, and called him throughout my case begging him to get me to agree to an interview). He said over 95% of his clients snitch, said standing your ground is almost unheard of. I was stunned. Just terrible. Knowing that, the only person I trust completely is my wife as well.

It's really sad, I'm the kind of person that's nice to others to a fault, I love being open and sharing but our society has hammered that into a box 6ft under. I have no doubt the drug war has made everyday people much less trusting of each other, because of snitches and robbers alike, and changed the political future of our country beyond just the drug war as a result.

It destroys your self confidence, all the people in your wife's family telling her to leave you because you're so horrible that you're into drugs, floods of insults behind your back, reading comments in news articles where everyone says someone like you should hang, cops and guards insulting you and the judge cutting you down viciously... then years of PO appointments where all the people there are getting into trouble with no future, suffering from similarly low self confidence... a lot of, if not most, violence and aggressive/cocky behavior is the result of someone feeling weak and hurt, the only time I've ever had violent tendencies was while locked up... oh, and lots of insults from the POs, if you complain about anything while in jail/prison/parole you get a bunch of insults "you deserved to live a horrible life"... I'm still trying to get myself believe again that I'm capable and a good person... all that bs really screws with your head and makes you timid and causes you to pass up great opportunities because you assume you're too bad of a person, they'll think you're horrible and throw you out the door, etc...

 

[Perfextionist420]

I'm right in the same boat with you guys, three years ago I was arrested for distribution of one lb in the state of pennsylvania. I was set up by a business partner of 4 years who I trusted with well over 200k worth of fronts including the task of driving out to colorado for me with 25-30k at a time to get 10 packs, turns out he hit a snag getting caught with 2 lbs and a few grand cash. Facing the mandatory minimum of 1 year plus a second offense he was looking at 2-3 years unless he cooperated. He brought me "someone from my area" who could handle a decent number pretty steady and gave them a detailed layout of my infrastructure.

I'll never forget the swat team - narcotics unit running up my stairs into my apartment throwing me to the ground and screaming while waving automatic weapons in my face, all over pot. I'm a often too trusting nice guy who helps people, I have no violent tendencies or history. After posting bail and coming home the place was a wreck, carpets torn up, mattress ripped over, holes punched in the wall.

The mental toll of stress anxiety panic attacks and ptsd I experienced after felt like they turned me into a completely different person, I went through hell over a 450 day period that lead up to my trial not knowing if I was going to jail or not. It cost me sleep, sanity, great strain on my family and about 40 grand in lawyer fees / other random crap. I landed on my feet with 3 years probation community service and a hefty fine.

all over pot.... like really.... pot? seriously? fucking retarded

 

[berkman858]

I'm right in the same boat with you guys, three years ago I was arrested for distribution of one lb in the state of pennsylvania. I was set up by a business partner of 4 years who I trusted with well over 200k worth of fronts including the task of driving out to colorado for me with 25-30k at a time to get 10 packs, turns out he hit a snag getting caught with 2 lbs and a few grand cash. Facing the mandatory minimum of 1 year plus a second offense he was looking at 2-3 years unless he cooperated. He brought me "someone from my area" who could handle a decent number pretty steady and gave them a detailed layout of my infrastructure.

I'll never forget the swat team - narcotics unit running up my stairs into my apartment throwing me to the ground and screaming while waving automatic weapons in my face, all over pot. I'm a often too trusting nice guy who helps people, I have no violent tendencies or history. After posting bail and coming home the place was a wreck, carpets torn up, mattress ripped over, holes punched in the wall.

The mental toll of stress anxiety panic attacks and ptsd I experienced after felt like they turned me into a completely different person, I went through hell over a 450 day period that lead up to my trial not knowing if I was going to jail or not. It cost me sleep, sanity, great strain on my family and about 40 grand in lawyer fees / other random crap. I landed on my feet with 3 years probation community service and a hefty fine.

all over pot.... like really.... pot? seriously? fucking retarded

Yeah, you went to jail for doing something that hurts no one. Sounds like justice to me.......

 

[purklize]

One of the worst things is you can't even talk about it with a shrink, or any mental health specialist, because you're talking about illegal activity and you'll hear a lot of "well you brought it on yourself" bullshit... plus you'll get labeled a "drug abuser" and no longer be able to get Xanax, Vicodin, etc. nearly as easily if at all, no matter how badly they are needed...

 

[berkman858]

One of the worst things is you can't even talk about it with a shrink, or any mental health specialist, because you're talking about illegal activity and you'll hear a lot of "well you brought it on yourself" bullshit... plus you'll get labeled a "drug abuser" and no longer be able to get Xanax, Vicodin, etc. nearly as easily if at all, no matter how badly they are needed...

You have been to some shitty therapists, they shouldn't be saying that. I know there are some bad ones out there and I personally don't like talking to them at all but they can be helpful. They also charge too damn much, highway robbery. I prefer talking it out with my friends and family.

 

[rocknratm]

first, good thread

I was on probation 3 years, Im pretty sure that the dude set me up. Long story short I give him a bag drive away and am in the back of a cop car 5 min later. could be coincidence, but I saw him at a gas station one day. he ran inside didnt come out for 15 min and I gave up, but oh was I mad.

I know how you guys feel, the anxiety, the paranoid tendancies, the not trusting anyone. and it is justified, thats the worst part. Its not illogical or unjustified.
hang in there guys, fight for what is right, stand up for your rights!

 

[purklize]

and it is justified, thats the worst part. Its not illogical or unjustified.

And that is precisely why it may be one of the most persistent forms of PTSD.

 

[berkman858]

first, good thread

I was on probation 3 years, Im pretty sure that the dude set me up. Long story short I give him a bag drive away and am in the back of a cop car 5 min later. could be coincidence, but I saw him at a gas station one day. he ran inside didnt come out for 15 min and I gave up, but oh was I mad.

I know how you guys feel, the anxiety, the paranoid tendancies, the not trusting anyone. and it is justified, thats the worst part. Its not illogical or unjustified.
hang in there guys, fight for what is right, stand up for your rights!

Thanks, it started as a poll for who got arrested for growing but has morphed into a thread about anxiety and all the other shit that comes with being arrested. I am not saying it shouldn't be about that, I like where the thread is going.

Everyone that has been through this nonsense, keep your head up cuz it will be legal soon if it's not already legal in your area. I am sure of that.

 

[berkman858]

and it is justified, thats the worst part. Its not illogical or unjustified.

And that is precisely why it may be one of the most persistent forms of PTSD.

Yeah for PTSD that is def true, you have a good reason to be freaking the fuck out. I mean, if all was right in the world this would be one of the last things people would be worrying about. It's really hard trying to talk yourself out of anxiety when you have a good reason to be anxious, maybe impossible.

 

[purklize]

Yeah I've had people tell me to chill the fuck out, but I've been right, and them wrong, so many times, and the consequences so drastic, that I can't listen to anyone who says that anymore. Every time something terrible has happened it's been because I ignored my instincts. I've learned that risk vs reward has to be considered always, and when those alarm bells go off in my head, I need to listen to them. Helps with survival but sure doesn't with PTSD. We're kinda like soldiers that have to live in the battlefield as guns are fired for the rest of their lives, we never get away from the danger.

 

[berkman858]

We're kinda like soldiers that have to live in the battlefield as guns are fired for the rest of their lives, we never get away from the danger.

Well said, you can't remove yourself from the anxiety or the triggers completely unless you plan to live off the grid forever and even the thought of doing that would probably send me into a panic attack. We must keep pushing through the bullshit and almost put blinders on to keep the peripheral nonsense in the peripheral.

 

[Perfextionist420]

I have always said paranoia is healthy in my old line of work but the extent of it I experience now is insane. I am far removed from any shenanigans now but I am constantly looking everywhere. I always feel like people are watching me or know who i am. I use the environment around me to constantly observe my surroundings, I look over my shoulder, in reflections in windows mirrors etc. I constantly am checking parked cars near my house for hidden cameras and keeping notes on which ones I see during what time of the day and who drives them. I keep my phone in a smart bag which cuts the signal to 0 until taken out. I pay for everything in cash and try not to drive the same route twice in a row anywhere. If I think someone is following me I will not hesitate to test them. And worst of all my ability to trust people has disappeared, someone I once called family sold me out to save his own skin. There was a time I would have put my life on the line for that kid, now I just hope never to run into him.

the thing is I used to not mind some paranoia because I could relax. Now all the shit I think and how I act is involuntary, I analyze every word everyone says, every facial expression and little detail and I go over them over and over again. I used to think constantly about the smallest of subtle hints I could have known something would happen, hindsight is 20-20. just the severity of my paranoia and fear makes me feel crazy sometimes.

 

[berkman858]

I have always said paranoia is healthy in my old line of work but the extent of it I experience now is insane. I am far removed from any shenanigans now but I am constantly looking everywhere. I always feel like people are watching me or know who i am. I use the environment around me to constantly observe my surroundings, I look over my shoulder, in reflections in windows mirrors etc. I constantly am checking parked cars near my house for hidden cameras and keeping notes on which ones I see during what time of the day and who drives them. I keep my phone in a smart bag which cuts the signal to 0 until taken out. I pay for everything in cash and try not to drive the same route twice in a row anywhere. If I think someone is following me I will not hesitate to test them. And worst of all my ability to trust people has disappeared, someone I once called family sold me out to save his own skin. There was a time I would have put my life on the line for that kid, now I just hope never to run into him.

the thing is I used to not mind some paranoia because I could relax. Now all the shit I think and how I act is involuntary, I analyze every word everyone says, every facial expression and little detail and I go over them over and over again. I used to think constantly about the smallest of subtle hints I could have known something would happen, hindsight is 20-20. just the severity of my paranoia and fear makes me feel crazy sometimes.

Now that is some paranoia! Not unjustified, but still. That sounds exhausting.

 

[intensive]

I got caught growing because of a snitch when I was 18. 3 felonies and 2 misdamenors under north carolina state law.


did the dance, payed a high end lawyer to rock the mic so to speak. after a year of bullshit I got let go with only a misd. poss. and misd. paraphnelia charge.

I feel vindicated because I moved to socal and love it here. I grow comfortably my legal amount and have no worries. but whenever I take to much from a bongload at one time, ill be sketched out and looking out the windows and shit for pigs.lol its a crazy world we live in. Im doing the same thing I did when I was 18, but having a piece of paper on the wall makes it all ok

 

[panhead]

I was one of the 1st growers in michigan busted for growing to have the then newly adopted seizure laws apply to their case,i lost my home,cars,motorcycles,hifi equipment,motorhome,bank accounts ect,everything a life of an extremely well paid construction boss shoulda had i lost,including my 1st wife.

My original sentance was 17 to 25 years for Manufacturing a Controled Substance,with the good time system of the day that meant i was gonna do 15 years inside so they shipped me directly behind the walls of jackson prison,for those not in the know Jackson is the largest solid walled prison in the USA,before i was out of quarintine my lawyers filed all the appeals.

My lawyers ended up cutting a few deals for me,the judge went way over the sentancing guidelines on a charge that most did 2 to 5 years on,he was making me do 15 years as an example of the new war on drugs in america,the deal dropped my sentance down to 3 to 7 years of which i did 2.5 years.

In exchange for knocking 12 years off my time inside my lawyers had to agree to drop the appeals on the seizures of my belongings,i woulda been an old man when i got out so i had them agree instead of fighting.

I got out with the fuck you attitude & instantly got caught up again,right before i got popped the 1st time i was robbed at gun point & i never forgot the guys face,as chance would have it i ran into that fuker & i saw him before he saw or recognized me,i was a hot had so i beat him within an inch of his life with a tree limb,took all the money from his pockets,tore his shoes off & threw them out in the highway,then ground my boot in his mouth ,all the while hoorified onlookers were gathering,the manager of the auto parts store we were in front of got my plate & when i arrived back home the Detroit police were waiting.

Detroit pd ran my plate & my name came back a code 10 so they sent a tactical squad to pick me up,the squad was The Big 4 & anybody familiar with Detroit in the late 70's & 80's know what the deal was with Big 4,there were several squads labled Big 4 & what it was were 4 of the biggest meanest cops on the force all in a single car,they used commando take down tactics & all who were picked up by a Big 4 unit were assured a trip to the hospital,my beating from them was fierce but were wrote up as injuries sustaned durring take down,that beating was the start of life long back problems.

Since i was on paper i went straight back to the joint but not back to Jackson,since my new crime was violent they put me in MR (Michigan Reformatory) to finish out the rest of my initial sentance & await trial,anybody from Michigan who's been through the penal system will know about MR,its refered to by local leo as gladiator school,i thought Jackson was hard time but MR time was no fukin joke,back then times were different & in that prison the racial gangs ran the show not the guards,the black gangs were ruthless & would prey on weaker inmates & extort protection moneys from the weak or people who were not with anybody,i ended up joining a clique & spent the next 3 years doing stupid white power bullshit for the clique.

I ended up getting charged with Attempted Murder on the 2nd case,my lawyer dug up the old police reports where i reported being robbed & pistol whipped & in court it was discovered the guy i beat down had 2 previous armed & strong armed robbery convictions,i cut a deal to plead to assault & pay all his hospital bills ,in exchange for him going along with the plea bargin i had to agree to pay him $10,000 pain & suffering damages within 18 months of being released.

When i got out my 2nd wife held down the fort so io atleast had all my few posessions so i started over a 3rd time,i spent the next 25 years growing personal & in utter secrecy,i was so paranoid i would only keep a max of 3 grams at our home & i grew in a boiler room of a small industrial manufacturing building my best friend bought as an investment,i ended up buying the building from him but was so worried about getting knocked off we left the building in his name & paid him fake rent,all that shit to grow 4 plants at a time but better safe than a repeat seizure.

Fast foward 25 years,after spending over 6 years locked down & loosing well over $200K to seizures,fines & legal fees,plus skulking around a filthy boiler room to grow personal use my wife got Multiple Scleruosis & an extremely painfull & debelitating form of the disease at that,mj ended up being a huge benifit to her but since it was illegal & she was a school teacher she couldnt use it,instead she took opiates which left her unable to work with young children so she was forced to retire early.

Fast foward another 5 years or so & med mj in michigan becomes legal,my lawyer petioned govenor Jennifer Granholm to allow me to become a State certified caegiver for my wife,amazingly she gave me the reprieve required from the state & we set up the 1st grow that had been in our home in over 30 years.

In between all the othef shit in my life my wifes health has detoriated rapidly as well as my health due to an explosion i was in on a construction site,i was burned over 12% of my body with 3rd degree burns & the impact force trauma from being blown 30 ft shattered my spine,im very fortunate to even be able to walk at all,both my wife & myself use high dose opiates on a daily basis but fortunately mj has become legal so it allows us both to use less oxycontin,morphine sulphate & methadone than we would without mj.

Since med mj became legal in Mich i helped found one of the 1st true co-op's in the state & for the 2.5 years i was a co-owner did all i could to distribute free meds or seriously reduced meds to stage 3 & 4 cancer patients as well as 100% free meds to all RRMS patients,in my time there we gave away an average of 5lbs of meds each month.

The med law in Mich promised all in the program the ability to use "medical" useage as a defense against criminal prosecution,since so many changes to the law have been adopted that defense is no longer assured,with the guarantee of a legal medical defense all but gone ive been forced to sell my shares back to the membership,remove any & all growing equipment from any building we own & withdraw from the Mich med program,were now right back where we were 30 years ago when i lost everything,sneaking around & it fukin pisses me off.

 

[purklize]

Holy fuck panhead, that is one hell of a story. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you made it through all that bs alive, that's the only thing that matters in the end. You have not had it easy.