Am I going crazy?

[high|hgih]

For some reason, the past couple of weeks have been too much.. I have been doing LSD every 3-4 days, so thats probably what is causing it, but its just extremely weird. All of my thoughts are violent and depressing. I have been waking up at3 in the afternoon everyday, and I have been late to work every day that I needed to wake up earlier. My dreams are vividly disgusting. For the past two weeks, the ones I remember are horrific and gross.. Last night I had a dream where I had to kill all my pets, for some reason I had all the pets in my apartment that I had ever had. For each one, I took a knife and severed their wind pipe. It was just fucking gross. I can't really remember the other ones I had, I try to forget them.. I've lost my appetite, I've lost weight.. Why is the acid making me go so crazy? Or why is me making the acid make me so crazy o.0?

This is just like.. The most intense insanity I have felt to date. Today is the last time I am doing LSD, going with a girl to see cloud atlas on it. Its gonna be swell
Fortunately, after today Ill have one hit left. But I'll save that one hit until my mind clears up. Because this is redonk. Absolutely, positively, redonk.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

Stop taking the lcd and see if anything changes for the better. I've had fucked up dreams too man, killing people i love, raping girls... they're dreams, some of which we have no control over, don't stress it.

 

[high|hgih]

Just for some reason.. I don't know, I've always been depressed for no reason over nothing. But lately its just been terrible

I just need to take a break from the drugs.. Thats what it comes down too.. Exercise more, eat better.. Meditate more.. Read/write more.. I feel way more accomplished and none of that hardly costs money

 

[Zaehet Strife]

One of the hardest things an individual can do is to change him/her self. Motivation is hard to find. It's hard to stick with it. Continue to do things that give you a sense of accomplishment, hard work, break a sweat, help a stranger. Depression is in everyone, we just learn different ways to cope with it, boredom is depressions favorite pal. Don't be bored, play a game, read a book, call someone.

People care about you, i care about you, if i didn't care i wouldn't be here typing this bro. Hang in there, just do your best to stay happy... that's all we really can do as human animals. Some people fill their minds with pretty fairy tales, some with knowledge, some with sex, video games, the list goes on and on. Pick a few, try something new. My little brother is always picking up new stuff to try, he bought a 150 dollar yoyo and got badass in like 6 months, he practiced every day. Now he's into staff spinning, he got this SICK light up staff looks so badass in the dark.

Keep your chin up man, whenever im feeling down... as sick as this may seem to other people, i think about the millions of other people in the world who are starving to death every day, and it makes me feel better! lol!

 

[high|hgih]

Thanks man I really do appreciate it.

Today was a day.. Maybe had a moment of clarity or something. I don't know.. Someone stole my acid, theres an ongoing investigation as to which roomate, which roomates girlfriend, or which friend may have stole it. But the reason why I want to find out is to thank them. I didn't end up doing LSD today, we saw cloud atlas. I took some kratom, she took some kratom, I took 8 triple c's for potentiation. And I managed to get into a fenderbender with this old couple. It was completely my fault. Just when I thought things couldnt get any worse. Fortunately I just dented their car, and my headlight wiring came loose. I apologized thoroughly and had a nice conversation with the people, whilst being fucked up. I think they knew, so they told me we'd just exchange information and not get the insurance involved. They saved me and that was my chance. So I threw the rest of the triple c's in the trash, and locked the kratom away. I really need to take a break. Its taking a huge toll.

God I hate times like this.. But I guess I'll just keep calm and carry on, everytime I go through a phase of depression it just gets worse and worse. And the good times never make up for it. Who knows what'll happen next time... God dammit dude.. :'( I need to go to bed.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

I quit doing all drugs for 6 months once, just to see what it would feel like, and how i would change. Not even a cig, not even a drink, not a pill. I think it would be good for you to just try it out, it's not going to kill you, and it's not going to be forever. Just set a goal, and see if you have enough will power to achieve it. If you don't the first time, no worries, people aren't perfect, not you, not me, so just suck it up and try again. I think it would be very beneficial to you to just take a break from all the drugs and see how you feel, get to know the real High within you.

 

[high|hgih]

I like your advice, I'll try. But I'm still gonna make a glass of kratom tea every now and then.

I plan on doing it really though. Its been burning too big of a hole in my wallet and after yesterday I cant afford the habit for awhile.

Thanks strife, again!

 

[Zaehet Strife]

Yeah bro, stay happy, and whatever you do don't be bored... this is the most exciting time in the history of man so far, don't waste a second of it. You the man, you are stronger than you think.

 

[Pirax]

Hey lets get some testing going on ill try it out and tell you if I go crazy
in seriousness though, everyones brains react differently to drugs and your brain probably needs a break from acid for a while. Most people do it a few times a year, although I cant blame you id take lsd every chance I got its nonexistent around here

 

[Mister Sister]

My heart goes out to you! We are living in extremely intense times. At the same time, there is a net of darkness surrounding the earth that seems impenetrable - war, selling sex, and drug use top the minds of almost every person I know it seems, myself included! Every single person I know is struggling right now with an inner-conflict. There seems to be a sense of urgency in the collective psyche that is pushing people to face their demons (whether or not that person is conscious of it). We are living in some interesting times. If I can do anything to help please feel free to ask me. We are all in this boat together and right now it's rockin' like crazy. You're right about laying off the substances, I could do more of that too - indeed it can be very hard on a person, and all people around you/us. If you can muster enough energy to even do one of these - "Exercise more, eat better.. Meditate more.. Read/write more.." - and I know it's hard especially when you're super-depressed, you will be accomplishing so much in the long term! Much praise and respect for you my brother. And as silly as it may sound, try asking for help, even if you're just asking yourself. Peace.

 

[Hepheastus420]

I've been in the same boat man.. wieght loss.. Zombie state.. Fucked up dreams.. Fucked up sense of reality. Just all horrible. I stopped shrooms for a while and just recently started munching on them since my mind has cleared up a bit. So far so good. Keep your chin up dude. You got this.

 

[high|hgih]

Been sober for 5 days now holy shit, I had to look and see when I posted this..

Haven't even touched the kratom either.. Been to busy. Work work work. Damn holidays.
I noticed a slight incline on other things too. Like today I picked up a book for about 10 minutes without even thinking about it! Gotta crawl before I can walk I guess. I used to read all the time. Its large amounts of weed that stops me I think. 'I'm gonna get high and read this book', 'nahh, I'm gonna watch TV'.

Thanks for the support guys, I appreciate it deeply

 

[cannabineer]

Been sober for 5 days now holy shit, I had to look and see when I posted this..

Haven't even touched the kratom either.. Been to busy. Work work work. Damn holidays.
I noticed a slight incline on other things too. Like today I picked up a book for about 10 minutes without even thinking about it! Gotta crawl before I can walk I guess. I used to read all the time. Its large amounts of weed that stops me I think. 'I'm gonna get high and read this book', 'nahh, I'm gonna watch TV'.

Thanks for the support guys, I appreciate it deeply

Sending good thoughts your way. Keep up the good work. cn

 

[greenswag]

Starting to go through the same thing high, and I don't think mine is drug induced either. I had a pretty powerful trip that was life altering recently as in a month or so ago, and I haven't smoked in a couple months to pass a drug test. Lately I've been getting flashes of rage followed by depression. Confusion as to who I am, what I'm meant to do, zombie stage as was said, fucked up dreams and sense of reality, lack of self worth. I literally just compared myself to patrick in spongebob a minute ago thinking how I'm not good at anything, the only thing I can do right is the act of doing nothing, like patrick except unlike patrick I can't live life like that and I won't be rewarded for it. I know it's not true that I'm not good at anything, I excel at most things I try, but I can't get the depressing thoughts out of my head.

Also feeling love starved if that makes sense. All of my friends, especially now with the holidays, are all over their girlfriends and boyfriends and shit and tonight really just hit the sensitive spot. Two couples (great...) invited me to chill tonight, hit up miccy D's and then the mall. They went about looking at rings, jewelry, buying lingerie and new clothes and hugging blah blah. Where as I have been single for a long time now and it's getting really hard to hang with people because they are all in relationships and can't stop talking about how great it is. My one buddy tonight apologized because he saw I stopped talking and shit eventually throughout the night. Feels a little good to talk about it I guess, at least scrape the surface. Good thread..

 

[high|hgih]

Sending good thoughts your way. Keep up the good work. cn

Thank you man, I plan to keep it up for awhile.. Hopefully Ill never get stuck in that state again.. It was horrific.

Starting to go through the same thing high, and I don't think mine is drug induced either. I had a pretty powerful trip that was life altering recently as in a month or so ago, and I haven't smoked in a couple months to pass a drug test. Lately I've been getting flashes of rage followed by depression. Confusion as to who I am, what I'm meant to do, zombie stage as was said, fucked up dreams and sense of reality, lack of self worth. I literally just compared myself to patrick in spongebob a minute ago thinking how I'm not good at anything, the only thing I can do right is the act of doing nothing, like patrick except unlike patrick I can't live life like that and I won't be rewarded for it. I know it's not true that I'm not good at anything, I excel at most things I try, but I can't get the depressing thoughts out of my head.

Also feeling love starved if that makes sense. All of my friends, especially now with the holidays, are all over their girlfriends and boyfriends and shit and tonight really just hit the sensitive spot. Two couples (great...) invited me to chill tonight, hit up miccy D's and then the mall. They went about looking at rings, jewelry, buying lingerie and new clothes and hugging blah blah. Where as I have been single for a long time now and it's getting really hard to hang with people because they are all in relationships and can't stop talking about how great it is. My one buddy tonight apologized because he saw I stopped talking and shit eventually throughout the night. Feels a little good to talk about it I guess, at least scrape the surface. Good thread..

See, we're in the same boat. I broke off a relationship just before all of this happened because I was tripping out. I honestly regret it, she was a nice girl. But I have ruined it. Going on insane tangents about how I think I'm going crazy and refusing to cut down on usage of drugs kind of steered her in another direction I think..

How long has it been since you were in a relationship? I feel lonely as well now.. I have my friends, but I need a girl to love and.. Do all those stupid lovey dovey things with.. Makes me feel unsettled. But what kind of good girl would want a guy like me?

God dude..

Talk away, I have time.. Aha

 

[greenswag]

It's been since...well shortly after valentines day last year. Doesn't seem long in hindsight but I'm not used to being single. Got my self esteem crushed CRUSHED earlier this week. I gave a girl my number on a sheet of paper and said she was cute, she was with a group of friends and they all just shut up and stared. The transaction was only a couple seconds and as soon as I turned my back, took one step, took the second, and they all burst out in obnoxious laughter..in public...

Just got invited to go iceskating with the couples again, I'm bored and lonely so I wanna go, but at the same time I know if I do, I'll be getting upset with the 'all overness' they display and I'll want to leave. Maybe I can try talking to a girl there, I just feel out of it lately. I seem like I can't talk to girls worth shit after my last relationship and every single time it's a swing and a miss and I won't even get a text let alone a call. I get swing at every ball, but my arm's getting tired..

Been trying to pick myself up lately, I'm going to MEPS Wednesday and Thursday for the Marines. I hope to GOD I can pass the piss test, it gets sent to a lab. I haven't smoke since...before October and it was only a couple hits, didn't even get high, and I was about a month maybe a little less of no smoking before those few hits. I feel like I have a good chance of passing, but paranoia ya know? If I don't get in, I honestly don't know what I'll do, my whole life is kind of banking on that at the moment. I'm in a military family and if I don't get in, especially because I fail a drug test, I'll pretty much be outcasted and I don't even know what else I would want to do with my life especially after having that on my record. I really can't afford to fail it and it's giving me a fuck ton of stress, I've been snapping at people for no reason and intolerable lately from all the shit going on. I really just wanna smoke a joint to relax...I feel it's criminal my entire life can get fucked all over this stupid plant. I guess I could work oil rigs if I fail..I hear it's good money and I'm not a dumb ass so I won't piss it all away like I hear everyone is doing. I could easily be one of the best soldiers they ever had, I plan on going my full 30, and if they turn me away because of this, gah I need to stop thinking about it.

I feel you dude, my last ex was a nympho so I've had plenty of sex to hold me over. What I really want lately is a girl to do all that lovey dovey crap like you said, I want a meaningful relationship that has some substance to it.

 

[cannabineer]

You should be good for the pee test, Greenswag. Much luck. cn

 

[greenswag]

You should be good for the pee test, Greenswag. Much luck. cn

Thanks cn, that really helps to put me at ease a little. You should have seen me kind of collapse in my chair a little right there.

 

[Zaehet Strife]

The most luck Ive had of meeting new girls is getting a new job. Picking one up at a bar is the only real alternative... and most of the time they are only good for a fuck.

 

[high|hgih]

God green, that's unfortunate.. If the girls were being like that they probably weren't worth a shit anyways.. Some chicks just get stock at the age of 16 or something. You'll be fine for the piss test, like cn said. Just don't give in

Strife, your right, I just actually changed jobs and there are plenty of girls here. I think they think I'm weird though because I was strung out pretty hard for the first month. It's difficult to wait tables having done acid 12 hours before.. I did alright though, and hopefully I can re establish my reputation lol

Ever since I stopped doing everything for awhile though this is really great,I needed it.