Well, I had a period of about 8 months when I was 16 that I had some pretty good friends, then I got kicked out of my parents' house for having one of my episodes, tried to work but couldn't hold a job, my brother moved me up north to try and help, but I still couldn't hold a job and he couldn't take care of me and it wasn't his job to, so I ended up on the streets bouncing from one odd job to another trying to keep food in my belly, my mom took pity on me once the doctors explained my conditions and she tried to help me out, but my step dad wasn't having it, I got my GED and took CNA classes, got a few jobs as a CNA but couldn't hold them, met my wife while I was working for room and board as a maid basically..but friends? Really only back then before things got bad, I've been alone most of the time I can recall.
Sometimes I think I might've found someone to call a friend, but then they end up turning on me or just disappearing after they learn about my issues. A few stuck around afterwards, but now they're gone too, because it's so hard to spend time with me I guess. I can't really do a lot of things people like to do, especially around here where ever fucking night it's like..let's go to the bar! Well, I don't drink and I can't do crowds, so I just get left behind. I don't really blame them, I just wish sometimes that hanging out for an hour or two wasn't so much to ask of people.
And if you couldn't tell, I'm on the downswing, so maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. That's the problem with being bi-polar, you can't just feel things, you have to question WHY you feel them...is it a legit feeling or just some bullshit your brain is pulling on you? Oh well, I know how to grow food and hunt/fish, I know how to build shelter, basically I know how to survive outside this society thanks to the shit I went thru. I'll make it, always have...the people who called themselves my friends? They can't survive without this society, so if/when it all goes to shit they'll know exactly how it is to be abandoned, alone, and struggling to find a place, and since this society has decided that I don't belong then I've decided they don't belong in mine.
Fuck 'em.