Dudes fiancee lies about amount of sexual partners - How would you react?

Padawanbater2

Well-Known Member
I just found this thread on another forum, I'm curious how you guys would react to something like this. Basically, the short story is they've been engaged for a year, he goes with her to a college reunion or something and finds out she's been intimate with 50+ guys instead of the 6 she told him and an interesting course of events unfolds..

Here's a couple posts from the thread;

OP:


My fiancee and I have known each other for over three years. We got engaged last year. My story is sad really and I did not see it coming.

Basically, my fiancee is not the person I thought she was. Last week she and I attended her college reunion. Originally, I was not going to be able to go with her given certain timing conflicts, but I changed my schedule so I could accompany her. I thought she'd be happy about that but instead she seemed edgy. It was a red flag that I didn't catch at the time

Sad story short, on the second night there we were at one of the parties and were having a rollicking time drinking with her old college friends. It "came to light" that during her time there she was a "regular" at a fraternity that her sorority was "friendly" with. Basically, she's been with many many guys.

When I brought this up the next day, sober and shocked, she said that it didn't really count because she "just went down on them." How many guys? She didn't want to answer but finally admitted that it was in the 35 range.

When we had the "sex talk" early on in our relationship, there was no mention (or the tiniest hint of mention) of any of this. I just can't process this or figure it out.

What I'm looking for here is an objective view on all this. How does a woman rationalize this to herself, let alone rationalize lying about it to her fiance? How am I supposed to feel and how am I supposed to react?
24 pages in:

Good afternoon everyone.

I came here for some logic and reason and did not really find much. Maybe it's a gender thing.

Anyway, this morning "Jane" and I had a long talk that really went nowhere. I told her that we are pretty much over as a couple. She refuses to see it that way and wants to talk and talk and talk more. I just do not see any value in that.

I flat out asked her why she lied about having only 6 sex partners. She actually answered candidly and said she didn't want me to see her as a ****. She asked what she could do and I said she could actually start with the truth. I don't want to get into sordid details but the "frat brother count" is actually closer to 50. She said she can't remember a specific total and I guess I believe her on that. I asked her how in hell she could rack up numbers like that and she said that sometimes they had small parties and they had what they called "hummer lines" where a bunch of girls would sequentially do a bunch of guys. She thought it was fun and sexy at the time. Enough.

I asked if she also "had intercourse" like that and she said no. Intercourse was in private. How many? About two thirds of them, again she didn't really know exact numbers.

So that's pretty well it. She put out and had intercourse with some 40 stinky frat brothers and blew even more. Call me whatever you ladies want, but that is just not acceptable to me in a long term life partner.

Jane certainly has every and any right to have done and to do whatever she wants. Equally, I have every right to feel disgusted and walk.

As I've said before I am an average guy, sexually speaking, and I believed Jane to be an average girl, sexually speaking, when she said her number is 6. Without blowjobs it's like 40+ and including blowjobs, it's 50+.

Many of you called me a misogynist and called me terrible names for treating her so poorly. You know what? The indelicate posters who actually called her factually correct "names" were on the money dead right. Anyway, why would I want to marry such a person? And if she was just doing normal things that normal girls do, then why hide it? The answer you ladies would provide would be "she hid it because she knows what an ******* you are and that you would judge her." I am not an ******* but I do judge her. In my frame of thought an average normal girl does NOT go down on over 50 guys at a particular frat house. That is beyond slutty. I'm no shrink but I have to believe that there are mental issues involved here.

Trying to shame ME by saying she's better off without me does you an injustice. The reality of the world (NOT what you ladies would like reality to be) is that most men do not want to marry a woman with a sexual track record like this, regardless of whatever other wonderful traits she may have.

I actually swallowed my pride and confided in my best friend on all this after she left but you probably don't want to hear that.

She's already called up so we can talk more but I think I'm kind of talked out.
That's pretty harsh imo.. What do you think?

Here's the thread:

http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1829419-how-do-i-process-her-past.html
 

ricky1lung

Well-Known Member
As long as she's not still at it he should be happy.
Plenty of tricks Im sure, and practice makes perfect right..... ;)

It could be far, far worse.
 

420God

Well-Known Member
She lied, broke trust. I would have dumped her too. Had she been honest up front then it would be different.
 

Hepheastus420

Well-Known Member
Well shit that's gotta hurt. But who really says they've slept with 50 guys to a partner they want to commit to? For her to lie about that shows she's either deeply ashamed or she's still living that lifestyle. So I'm not sure which it is because I don't know her. But if he knows she's a sweet girl with good intentions, I wouldn't break her heart by leaving her. I would ask her to tell me the truth from then on though.

Also, it doesn't really matter who has HAD sex with her, that's in the past.. as long as she hasn't messed with any guys while she was with him, I see no reason to punish her for the past.

Take it as a compiment that she traded in multiple gang bangs for you lol.
 

Granny weed

Well-Known Member
Its what she's like now that matters, we all have a past and don't always make the right choices especially when we are young, and sunni is right if the tables were turned it wouldn't be such a big deal. I didn't ask my husband how many sexual partners he'd had I wasn't interested but he did ask me and I told him it was none of his business, I told him him all he needed to know was that he would be the last. I think this dude is a prat and couldn't have loved her in the first place, you don't just stop loving someone because of something that happened when you weren't in their life, she's better off without him.
 

420God

Well-Known Member
i think if the gender tables were turned it owuldnt be a big deal.
Curious.. If a guy told you that he only had a couple partners then took you to a party and you found out from the other girls that he slept with almost every girl there, you wouldn't be mad?
 

420God

Well-Known Member
Its what she's like now that matters, we all have a past and don't always make the right choices especially when we are young, and sunni is right if the tables were turned it wouldn't be such a big deal. I didn't ask my husband how many sexual partners he'd had I wasn't interested but he did ask me and I told him it was none of his business, I told him him all he needed to know was that he would be the last. I think this dude is a prat and couldn't have loved her in the first place, you don't just stop loving someone because of something that happened when you weren't in their life, she's better off without him.
I don't think it's the number of partners so much as lying about it. She should've owned up to her past no matter.
 

sunni

Administrator
Staff member
Curious.. If a guy told you that he only had a couple partners then took you to a party and you found out from the other girls that he slept with almost every girl there, you wouldn't be mad?
im just saying that generally if a guy sleeps witha bunch of chicks hes cool and hes "the man" but if a girl does it shes a fucking whore, and shes pegged as a slut by society.

personally no the past is the past, but that doesnt stop my original point that if the tables were turned it most likely wouldnt have made it to a forum with a bunch of people calling the poor girl a whore LOL
 

420God

Well-Known Member
im just saying that generally if a guy sleeps witha bunch of chicks hes cool and hes "the man" but if a girl does it shes a fucking whore, and shes pegged as a slut by society.

personally no the past is the past, but that doesnt stop my original point that if the tables were turned it most likely wouldnt have made it to a forum with a bunch of people calling the poor girl a whore LOL
I think a man lying to a woman would be no different.
 

lahadaextranjera

Well-Known Member
Its what she's like now that matters, we all have a past and don't always make the right choices especially when we are young, and sunni is right if the tables were turned it wouldn't be such a big deal. I didn't ask my husband how many sexual partners he'd had I wasn't interested but he did ask me and I told him it was none of his business, I told him him all he needed to know was that he would be the last. I think this dude is a prat and couldn't have loved her in the first place, you don't just stop loving someone because of something that happened when you weren't in their life, she's better off without him.
What's in the past should more or less stay in the past. However if she'd been an ex whore and worked 'professionally' then I think one should have a right to know.
 

ultraviolet pirate

Well-Known Member
the girl had a chance to be honest, she passed on that. she isn't honest. she wanted to go to the frat reunion/get together, alone. she is shady. she could have kept her mouth shut and left that stuff in her past. she didn't. she is stupid. that's enough for me to ask about her sister.
 

Sand4x105

Well-Known Member
I have never understood the "How Many you been with question..."
Men, should never ask: "How many have you slept with?"
Women should never tell....
---
Like the comedy club I went to once...the warm up host, looks at the hottie next to us, at the next table, and asks the dude:

"Wow... she's hot.... " [dude next to me shakes his head-yes]
"Is she good in bed" [dude doesn't stop shaking head yes...]
"You ever wonder how she got that way?"

Guys are so insecure about being better than the 'last' guy...or the last 50....

IMO, a very immature question
 

GanjaGreenGables

Active Member
The past is the past. But it sheds light into your charachter imo. To me it comes down to choice. And if you are "engaged" to be married it is a legal contractual and binding agreement. Honesty about your past is validated by the individuals current consistent behavior.
Also, if businesses can fire you over past indescretions that impact the image and confidence of the business and shareholders, why cant people? Like I said its a binding contract. If you commit adultry in america its still against the law...not enforced but still.

To sum it up...once you go down that road to marital bliss, one should be straight forward about it so they can answer for themselves about the past of a spouse or significant other....be honest give them the choice to decide for themselves.

If not the word dishonest followed by even worse betrayal will follow.

And betrayal always...always comes with a price that you have no choice in.
 

GanjaGreenGables

Active Member
I have never understood the "How Many you been with question..."
Men, should never ask: "How many have you slept with?"
Women should never tell....
---
Like the comedy club I went to once...the warm up host, looks at the hottie next to us, at the next table, and asks the dude:

"Wow... she's hot.... " [dude next to me shakes his head-yes]
"Is she good in bed" [dude doesn't stop shaking head yes...]
"You ever wonder how she got that way?"

Guys are so insecure about being better than the 'last' guy...or the last 50....

IMO, a very immature question
Attitude plays a part as well..
Some men see it as competitive...like "she hax way more sex and fun more than i did" immature ? ? Of course! Does it happen? Yes.

It goes both ways...
Women are just as insecure or maybe more so when this comes up.

Women protect themselves, they wont date someone above thier own looks.but will date someone above thier pay grade.

I think its a problem if you have slept with 50 people and you still keep in contact with them doesnt matter if it was years ago.

For me i could careless about how many a woman has been with depending on her attitude and what we are doing.

If you were a dirty slut but arent anymore ...your actions and time prove that.

What if she said "I have been with several men". Maybe over 50.
He responds: 50? Thats allot, but im glad you said that because i was in porn movies about 50 of them. I stopped counting who i was with and just look at the credits now. Lol

Same insecure reaction with the question of saftey thst follows it.
 

Moldy

Well-Known Member
Id be getting my wiener checked for any STD's or other shit. Eh, so she's fucked a lot of guys? If she has that much experience maybe she's worth keeping around but not to marry? Get my drift? Or she thinks so little of herself now that she'll marry anyone? The past is just that but if she lied about that you can bet she'll lie about other things. Don't dump her but keep her around for observation. Get even if it helps.
 
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