When i see the mirror i'm sure it puts a different story to light than most of you. My bio father... oh boy... I am disgusted with being half him most days, and like to blame him for my mental problems. I've been facing a ton of internal demons lately. the hate toward the mother, for both the cunt she is, and how she strongheld me into this, and how i wanted her and the kid dead before my daughter was a kid... just a step above a nut sack drain. Now i am in this, I have to look into her eyes, and it has destroyed a lot of me. I can't help but feel sorry for her, and want to help her, true love is not what it is, its not even love though to the best of my mental capacity i could not call it love. It's a dependent person i must help, i know she did not ask for this life, as much as i never asked for it either. Hopefully I can be the dad i never had, but with her mom , the hatred i have, and her saying she does not "trust me" enough to be alone with her, for me to physically posses my own child without her or my mother around... simply infuriates me, i dont trust her, never have. yet she is the one getting gov aid, and having the kid to her self. I could be a dick and go rip her from her arms, but im beyond that. before i was two years old i watched my mother get her head bashed in by my father, bleeding from the ears and nose, among other abuse shes told me all about. basically just shy of watching murder infront of me, and i seriously think it fucked my brain up, even if i cant remember, i have never felt this world was safe. I joined the army at 18, got my concealed weapon permit at 21 and always had a gun, as if i knew exactly how fucked up people were before i ever even knew about how my mother was treated.
I apologize to those of you who think im a dead beat, the plan was never to skip out. 99% of you will never understand any of what any of this really means to a persons mind.
Sorry if i offended you guys, to be flamed here, really hurt me, to be honest... I felt as though i belonged here and could speak my mind, apparently not. stupid me... enjoy your night guys.
I'm probably just a little emotional right now too and didn't really think too hard before posting my initial comment
