Search results

A man was driving to the hospital, with his wife who was pregnant with twins, when his car went out of control and crashed. Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a high school dropout who was never taken seriously, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was doing and...

I wanted to make a joke about vaginas, but I'm pretty sure the women would ovary act.

Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husbands best mate Peter when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation. "Who was it? The back stabbing buddy asked. "On, that was Mick." She replied calmly. "Oh shit, I'd better be...

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and...

A priest was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you...

I've heard that soil nutes cannot be used in hydro but hydro nutes can be used in soil. Makes sense to me. I was recently given a gallon each of B'CUZZ HYDRO nutes part A (4-0-4) and part B (0-2-4) but have no idea how to apply them to soil growing. Anyone have any experience with doing this...

A guy goes into a bookstore and asks the young female clerk, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title." She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man said, "That's the one. I'll take a copy."

"We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here" said the barman. A neutrino walks into a bar.

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his...

My girlfriend is a porn star. She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out

True wisdoms of our time: It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"? The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. A Fool and his...

Stammmmmmer A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without...

THE POPE VISITS EAST ANGLIA The Pope vists East Anglia, and Bernard Matthews goes to see him. Bernard says "You may not know me, but I am the biggest turkey farmer in Europe, and I need your help." The Pope says "Speak my child; if I can guide you, I will". Bernard says "All I want is one...

A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The...

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" "I'm telling you," the man pleads, "I'm certain she's...

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't...

A couple of blondes in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the girls, Jamie, walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" Jamie said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. She returned a minute later and...

You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud. So every time you fart, you time it with the music. When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realize. You're listening to...

One of my favorites, I remembered it last night and thought you all would like it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd91A3Qcfkw

Yep, Thailand. Here's the story: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/528805-suphan-buri-fireworks-disaster-affects-500/ Big news here.