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A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked, "What's the usual tip?" "Well," replied the boy, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing...

Geee, awful quite in here. A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the...

This young man is trying to get his girl friend to go all the way. He begs and whines and wheedles until she gives in. She says, "All right, but you have to promise you'll only put it in half way." Of course, the first thing the kid does is drive that baby right on home all the way...

Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the Irishman and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his...

Golf Genie A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in."...

Come to think of it, it's better than any beach I have. I live 400 miles from the nearest beach unless the edge of a rice paddy can be considered a beach, and I Love beaches. Oh well, at least I'm going down to Pattaya in a couple of weeks for some r&r. It's the most insane city on earth, it...

Two Illegal Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says....... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Si, Luis, eet sure...

SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not...

SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not...

A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got...

A respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got...

An NFL team was preparing to play its first game it a brand new, taxpayer-financed stadium. One of the star players was being interviewed by a television sports reporter, who was discussing the differences between the old and new ball fields. "There will clearly be many differences between the...

More airplane stuff: Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ----------------------------------------------------------- Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise...

An NFL team was preparing to play its first game it a brand new, taxpayer-financed stadium. One of the star players was being interviewed by a television sports reporter, who was discussing the differences between the old and new ball fields. "There will clearly be many differences between the...

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ----------------------------------------------------------- Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45...

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don't hit the ducks! The men all...

I've posted this one before but for those who may not have heard it, it's a gem. A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50...

I posted an addition to that one: P: Airplane handles funny. M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. Alternative: Handles replaced.

That last one is completely inexplicable, why would anyone sit on a beach of rocks?