A Guy Walks Into A Bar...

When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first Brownie

Q: What meat do priests eat on Friday?
A: Nun.
cn

What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter; "Waiter, come taste the soup." Waiter says; "Is there something wrong with the soup?" He says; "Taste the soup." He says; "Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?" He says; "Will you taste the soup?", "What's wrong is the soup to cold?", "Will you just taste the soup?", "All right, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?", "Ah-ha!". "Ah-ha!".

What do you know from funny, ya bastard...

Sorry if by chance anyone said these and i didnt notice. they are kind of lame but all i can think of/remember.
1. What do monica lewinskey and a coke machine have in common? They both have slots to put bills in.
2. What do women and airplanes have in common? They both have cockpits

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the USA

What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM. "Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

The Designated Decoy

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

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I WONDER IF all THIS FUCKING RACISM IS AGAINST RIU POLICIES. hmmm. RACISM........ NOT SO FUCKING FUNNY.UNLESS YOUR WHITE.

gfreeman said:

I WONDER IF all THIS FUCKING RACISM IS AGAINST RIU POLICIES. hmmm. RACISM........ NOT SO FUCKING FUNNY.UNLESS YOUR WHITE.

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lol Link me to some of this racism. Somehow slipped under my radar.

Are you white

Did you like my jokes

What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

So, three guys die in a terrible accident. They're all standing in line at the ol pearly gates, with St peter at the front, asking entry questions. The three guys finally come to the front, after what seems like an eternity. St peter says, to get into the gate of heaven, you must each answer one question. The guys huddle up, and say to St peter, 'OK,cool. So St peter asked the first guy: who built the ark? Guy one says hmmmmmmmm.....I believe its Noah. St peter says, OK, you may enter. Then, St peter says to the second guy: how many disciples did Jesus have? Guy two saysugh, I know this...is it 12? St peter says OK you may now enter. Then St peter says to the third guy: what was the first thing eve said to Adam? Guy three replies wow, that's a hard one. St peter then says, OK, you may now enter...

A black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says "hey, that's really cool, where did you get him"?
The parrot says "Africa, there's millions of them there".

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch prick, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.” The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy asks.. “What’s wrong with you?”
In a weak voice the little guy says, “What EXACTLY did you say to me?”
The big dude says, “I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch prick, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says, “Turner Brown!…, I thought you said, “Turn Around!!”

q.... what's the useless piece of skin around a vagina called??
a.... a woman..

Two cannibals are chewing the fat, so to speak.
"Y'know those new people who came to our island?"
"Yeah. Pretty tasty."
"Tasty? Oh man. I've tried broiling them, sauteeing them, steaming them, roasting them, stewing them for three entire days ... they always turn out awful."
"OK wait. Let's make sure we're talking about the same dudes here. Gray robes?"
"Yeah..."
"Cut their hair funny and live in a rock hut?"
"Those are the ones!"
"Well there's your problem ... those are friars."