Yes, we love death so much we created this god, and called him Yahweh/Jehovah. And then we made him completely insane, so that he does things like create a perfect world where if you eat this one fruit, then you bring down disease and suffering and pain upon it. We did it as a parable to explain that if you ever question the rule of our atheist religion, you will be punished in our atheist hellfire.
We then sent the people out into the world alone, where their children mated with each other, brothers and sisters all. After a while they did some things that pissed off our Atheist God and he slaughtered the whole bunch except for one family again. He killed kittens, and bunnies, and unicorns, dinosaurs, and giant dragonflies, and all kinds of creatures for this perceived slight. And it was good.
Of course this family had to resort to inbreeding again (we love to include inbreeding in our religion. it keeps us close) to populate the earth.
Eventually there were enough descendants of this family that they were able to divide into tribes and then take slaves or wipe each other out. Our proud atheist god also made a bunch of proclamations that could get you killed at the drop of a hat, because he loved death so much.
Work on a weekend? Death!
Eat seafood? This one has a shell! Death!
Sex outside of marriage? Death! Oh, wait, wait, this one was a cleric. We can't kill him for that. Plus the girl was 12. It's totally okay for a priest to have sex with an 12 year old girl. It's like instant marriage! Now if he wasn't a cleric it would be different. He'd have to pay us a fee, and then we'd look the other way.
Oh look some more people moved into our holy atheist desert land and really want to hang around our holy pile of atheist rocks. Our atheist god say "Kill them all and leave none alive. Not even the kids or the pets."
Okay! Let's do this thing!
Shit, we've killed off most of our believers, and most of the outsiders hate us. Let's make our atheist god nicer. We'll make up some guy wandering around a hundred years ago doing great things, and meet here in Nicea where we'll edit together a bunch of random articles. We don't need eyewitness testimony or historical records. We'll just make shit up. We're athiests, we don't need evidence or rationality.
We'll also make sure the majority of our followers believe that our new and improved athiest god is a white guy from from the middle east. I know, it's hardly believeable, but we roll like that.
Onward and upward, new atheist religion!
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