Crazy Sex Stories. No Fake Stories Please.

hahah i had the kind with 2 frogs on top each other lol that wouldnt be cool going to jail...

o yea the time i went to jail (this is off topic ) i opened a cops new pack of ciggs in the back of the squad car that he left behind the seat(dum pig) and i snuck 10 ciggs in and i shared them with some people ... but they didnt have a lighter in there cells so i watched them rip the cigg apart and put it in there mouth!!! and sucked on the tobbacco like dip!! and they were watchin across the hall me smoking it hahhhahaahhaha then i had this hott blonde nurse that liked me and didnt make me take a drug test!! and i said i needed xanax and she hooked me up with valiums ...sooo it wasnt that bad for 5 days haha

lmao thats the shitt, dont u hate an love it when cops are dumbasses

ok so. Eeyores Birthday party is a crazy festival in austin with tons of costumes, may poles, pot, drinking, drum circles body/ face paint live band basically all the austin hippies getting together in a park to do what they do best. I *accedently* cough cough... drank an ENTIRE bottle of rum (not smoking sucks balls btw) I danced in the drum circle for hours made out with and danced with probably 5 girls... then laying on the ground met a really hot/drunk/ high guy we end up making out and getting realy steamy and with no where else to go we opt for the PORT_O_POTTY! (I'd like to reiterate how drunk I was now, and that yes, I AM blaming it on the alcohol) after being in the portopotty *much to the dismay of the line that really had to pee* for a long ass time we go and meet his friend who drives us to 1.get more to drink and 2. to get us tacos. after practically having a threesome in the truck and the resturaunt we drop off the guy I met at eeyores. then me and the driver find some woods and go fuck in the woods for about two hours... I left the night with a ripped vag *sorry for the detail* no wallet and no sense of dignity left... eventually got my wallet back but itll be a while for my dignity to find me again

those sound like wild times ....
Wish i could have been there lol.... Good stuff...

Thats one perk about alcohal over mj...
Shit like that tends too hapoen more when you smashed..

323cheezy said:

those sound like wild times ....
Wish i could have been there lol.... Good stuff...

Thats one perk about alcohal over mj...
Shit like that tends too hapoen more when you smashed..

Click to expand...

LoL me too. I love free puss! That's why in some ways alcohol>weed

you dirty takeradvantagers! lmao yahhh I definitely need to chill on the alcohol intake

oh man im just itcching to tell a dirty story...
Lenny your kinda more of exhibitionist.... group person ...god bless ya....

So back when i first moved to california....
I started going to pcc ... a city college... with lots of ass....
So i was in this english class ....mind u i was young....19
and very outspoken in class...
Anyway i made friends rather fast ...mainly with these two chicks...
One was latina.... short...about 5''2'' alittle older than me , named vanessa , with huge tits (D"S) atleast....
And the other was Cori... an exchange student from hong kong....
She wasnt as hot ... and she had an accent.... but she was cute and had a very good personality ...
Andd her butt was nice too....kinda a tomboy tho... not your typical glamour puss....
So long story short alll three of us became friends ...i could tell they were both starting to like me.... cause im cool and shit....
We started going to the library anfd studying...after class..... but eventually vanessa met another guy .... i really loked vannessa she wass hotter than the other girl..... The asian girl started to like me too.... especially cause i think she was jealous i liked vaneessa....
So i even told the asian chick how started to have feelings for me that i didnt want to be her bf ... and we could be friends.... This made her even want me more i guess....
So we started too hang out....
(me and cori) allot cause we were both new to la....

Then one night she came over the house...
I gave her a beer ... and she started to get allitle loose....
Then i told her i smoked weed...
She had never done it... but she basically was in lust with me and i got her to hit the blunt i was hittting...
So now she fucking just laughing, smiling, and just allitte tipsy high watever....
Now shes telling me how has nevar been wit a guy or had sex...
And wanted to try with me.....
i couldnt believe it....yes.....
So i started off by pulling my dick out ....
She was fascinated with it started stroking it...
You could tell she had no idea what she was doing....
So i grabbed her and threw her on my bed ....
took her pants off and started sucking her pussy ....
for about a good 5mins....
Then i put my cock in her face... she caught on quick and put it in her mouth....
Finally her pussy was so wet that i really didnt have a problem popping that cherry...
I didnt see any blood but i did tear that shit up... alittle discomfort....from her part atleast...
At this point im ready to blast .... she right under me ....missionary....
So i whip it out.... and wahhhmmmmmm!!!!!
All the nut flies at her face ,chin, chest..........
Maybe klike 5 or 6 blasts ....lol
At this point im just in exstacy .....
but when i finally snap out of this nut ....
\I realized i really drenched this girl....oppss....
And shes fucking shooked.... She just stood there with a look of disgust....(you could tell she was disturbed)
Didnt barely said anything whiped herself off and left...
The next day she called me and said i cant believe u pissed on me.....
I guess she had no idea what cum was....
I still kinda feel bad for taking her virginity ...but lifes to short...lolz true story!!!

^

LOL wow that girl mustve been really sheltered.

once at florida as a teenager we were playing around in the hot tub with some random hos from another part of florida at the timeshare or whatever. we were playin truth or dare, cause at 16 we were trying to get a nut, and we were really drunk and high. so she dares me to show her my dick. and im like ok and when i look down that thing had SHRUNK. like unforgivably small. so i told em that happens and luckily my friend agreed with me.so she decided to get me hard somehow . in broad daylight, somehow that girl preceded to give me a footjob while there was 5 other kids and her bestfriend in the hot tub. she said "tell me when its hard enough" but i knew i wasn't about to do that. i looked up and saw all their faces(random kids in the hot tub) after i nutted and just smiled

HAHAHA...thats just wierdo .... footnut....lolz

HAAHAHAHAHAH Muppets your killingme man...

dude.. im 17 now.. i live in florida also, florida is the fucking shit.. the girls are sexy as hell, you jyst gotta find the right girls also..

but when i was 16 i was doing oxycodone like hardcore as hell, in tampa where i kinda live.. like i live on the outskirts west of tampa...
in tampa though.. they dish out oxycodone like nothi ng.. i have multiple freidns with scripts.. each script on the street goes for about 2k-3k.. so thats a steady income per month... its very sketchy to slang tho.. i used to sell it.. but i got super addicted...

but 0on to the story.. this russian girl named margaret.. was my first girlfreind when i was like 15 or 16 i dont remember... and she loved blues..
but before that.. idk i was like insecure so i didn't try to do stuff with girls.. i just played video games like a douchy nerd.. and thats it.
but margaret was raw as hell.. are group of freinds was a bunch of fuckups and some junkies lol... it was funny.. but margaret never knew i was a super amatuer.. until like she made out with me or whatever..

me n margaret would like carhop her hood and come to her crib with like 500 dollars in electronics and sometimes cash money n gold.. me n her would be sick as hell withdrawling from blues..
these 0oxys we do in florida are these little light blue pills with a m with a square around it.. and a 30 on the back.. for 30 milligrams.. its instant release and we snort it..

but we were feeling sick so we jacked her neighborhood... after scoring a crapload of stuff we went back to her crib.. we were tired.. we went to bed.. i didn't do not9in with her idk why.. its because i liked her older sister... ill get on to that in a bit lol... but the next morning i slang the gps at a pawn shop.. i sold it to a lady outside the pawn shop.. which is awesome.. then i went n payed this old guy a blue for a ride to pickup my blues... so i picked up a ten pack of BLUes OMG i had the funnest day, i came back to margarets.. and i she gave me ten bucks for a blue she was sooo happy.. but she was still sleeping idk why.. i was up and energized doin blues.. shit makes me into a party animal. so i sold some blues to my freind and made some profit.. and tolod him what i did last night.. then me n margaret went to te movies with her girlfreind later that night, i was on like 6 blues at the end of the night lol... i couldn't feel shit LOL.

But thats the lame part of the story.. basically i loved her older sister nadia... margaret was hot.. but nadia.. was a goddess.. and she was into blues even more.. so i thought she was soo cool... she was 19 n i was 16, basically one night im chillin with my junkie freind way later after that carhoppin crap.. like weeks ahead... and nadia wants a blue.. and my boy dan bohne.. said gimme some dome for a blue in a text message lol.. and idk what she said.. but like we were goin over there to do that.. and nadia has this sexy latina freind that i was gonna hook up with.. basically what happened was.. dan gave nadia a blue.. and decided to fuck him over LOL.. she din't give him shit.. and dan was trying to get with nadia's freind.. (which was awesome because she waas prude n lame)
So what happened was i gave nadia a half a blue.. which is 5 bucks LOL.. and she gave me some dome.. it was my first head i ever had.. and this girl was a fucking pro.. and she was gorgeous and i loved her.. so it was the best..

my boy dan was SOOO pist LOL.. i was laughing so hard when he took me home lol.. he was pist, he got scammed. so the next day im like feening to hang out with nadia because i like her alot and she hooks up wit me.. (she jus tells me to keep it on the low-low) so i don;'t hang out with nadia the next day cause its not like you think...just cause we did shit doesn't mean we are girlfreind/boyfreind.. it mean't nothing..

So the next day im feening for some dome or sometin.. and later that night i sell a blue to this older girl who's 21 for 20 fucking bucks.. so i made 10 bucks.. then this girl had no place to stay for that night,. so i told her she could stay at my cribby.. but then i decided i can't have a 21 yr old chick stayin at my crib.. my parents would b pist..

Idk how it happened.. we were just talking and chillin.. we each did a blue.. i did one cause i made a ton o money that dauy.. idk howit happened.. but i was feening for dome. n i asked her if she would.. which is retarded.. and then i relized how stupid i sounded and i said im sorry lol..
but idk she wanted to fuck.. n i was still a virgin back then.. n i ddn't want to.. so i told her i jus want some dome.. i said i'd finger her or something LOL.. so she started givng me some more dome.. she wasn't nearly as hot as nadia tho.. and also she was a fuckng amatur at giving head... i have been spoiled by nadia man.. this girl was a godess, i loved her.. so i went home at like 2 A.m

by the way.. on blues you can't rly have a orgasm expecially if your on a ton.. my ex-girlfreind i would smash her for hours cause i'd be on blues... she'd have like three orgys and id be sitting there.. lol. also that means that you don't gotta wear a condom cause you dont rly skeet at all... its better to be safe then sorry but i like not waring one.

Lately i been single with no poontang.. i got this bluehead girl who can get em for ten who lives close to me i met the other day.. who is sexy and freaky.. i wanna chill wit her.. she thinks im hot, but i aint got a car and im broke right now.. it sucks..

But damn that wasn't the coolest story but it was just one of my favorite moments with a girl.. That wasn't the last time nadia gave me dome for a half a blue niether lol.. i got it again and again n again different times, then her boyfreind found out.. n got pist as fuck n tryed to rob me he neve rcould tho.. but i stopped talking to nadia n margaret.. im sad about it.. but itys whatever.. can't turn a hoe into a housewife anyway...

non-sex related storys i have to tell.. crime related are aweosme but idk it takes to long to read for you guys.. sorry for the wall of text lol.
i've had alot other girlfreinds or whatever.. but this one was my favorite.. nadia popvlosky my nigga..

thats allot to digest ... soo much info...lol
But heress what i got out of it ...
You were doing mad drugs(OXY...you were young) and got some junkie chick to get u some dome...
And u fell in love with the more exp. one... The older sis..

Yhis remonds me of a story ...but i will save it..
I feel u tho Ive fell in love with this one girl....
She the best thing that ever happened too me
sexually)...
I had to let her go ... she left me of course.. she was way outta my league....

i was with the girl once. and i fucked her.

Ooooooh, I got a good one for you cheez. This happened to me this last christmas.

I met one of the homie's cousins who was on leave from the military. Anyways, we ended up buying a couple fifths/gallons of E&J, christian brothers, and something else. We got fucked up. So this girl is kissing and grabbin on me all night and we finally get back to the house.

At this point, I'm borderline too drunk to even fuck. And she was drunker than me. So I slide in it, doin' the nasty and my shit starts gettin soft and flimsy. So of course, being the gentleman I am, I say, "you should suck my dick for a minute". That was my downfall...


About 15-20 seconds in I see her start to gag and as I'm yelling "NOOOOOO" she puked on my dick and balls. She even got my new blanket.

So we took a shower and I finshed the job. And haven't talked to her since lol. I can't get the thought of having puke on my balls out of my head.

there's more funny details, but I hate reading long ass posts so I simplified it to get to the point. TRUE STORY

Yeah said:

Ooooooh, I got a good one for you cheez. This happened to me this last christmas.

I met one of the homie's cousins who was on leave from the military. Anyways, we ended up buying a couple fifths/gallons of E&J, christian brothers, and something else. We got fucked up. So this girl is kissing and grabbin on me all night and we finally get back to the house.

At this point, I'm borderline too drunk to even fuck. And she was drunker than me. So I slide in it, doin' the nasty and my shit starts gettin soft and flimsy. So of course, being the gentleman I am, I say, "you should suck my dick for a minute". That was my downfall...


About 15-20 seconds in I see her start to gag and as I'm yelling "NOOOOOO" she puked on my dick and balls. She even got my new blanket.

So we took a shower and I finshed the job. And haven't talked to her since lol. I can't get the thought of having puke on my balls out of my head.

there's more funny details, but I hate reading long ass posts so I simplified it to get to the point. TRUE STORY

Click to expand...

Omfg.. thats so gross, and yea cheezy thats basically what happened lol.. i fell in love wit a hoe that can suck a mean dick.. notin special.. but it waas special to me because i was amatuer at errthing and i was a virgin...

thes experiences are great tho.. cause these little highschool bitches are all amature and i tear it up n they all gossip.. its great lool;

Word word....yeah,,,
I skim righ tover them shits.... i think thats ideal post size for this thread....nice work

And what a gentleman you are.....LOL....

Unfortunatley i have nevar had the luxary of having some drunk chick puke all over mt balls..
but surely it would be nice just to reminise on it...

Sucks for me cause i fucked up too many times getting whiskey dick on potentails.....

Northpinellasdan said:

Omfg.. thats so gross, and yea cheezy thats basically what happened lol.. i fell in love wit a hoe that can suck a mean dick.. notin special.. but it waas special to me ;

Click to expand...

Man thats good stuff ..... Im sure she was a great person...lol
I guess if i think about it that is essentailly what my life is all about ....well except of course for blunts and shit...lol

waay way back in 8th grade, i think i was 13 or 14 at the time. i had a girlfriend, maddie, i lost my virginity to her she lost it to me, blah blah blah. we used to always fuck at her house but her mom caught us one time so i wasnt allowed to come over anymore.

soooooooooooo, we started to fuck in school. first it was just "a one time thing" but then it became an everyday ritural to fuck in the girls locker room during 5th period. that happened for a good 2 months straight. that girl could ride a dick. even now being almost 20 and having fucked 6 other girls, no ones rode my dick like her. hmmmmm

well, i remeber it was near the end of the school year, and we were gettin it on the locker room bench like everyday, and Coach. iForgotHerName walks in (which has never happened cuz she had break that hour) and ohhhhh man, she fliped her shit. called security. principal called both our parents. we both got 10 day suspensions. i only got to see maddie twice after getting caught. the chicks mom put her in a problem for teens with sex problems which was really fucked up.

almost 4 years ago when i was about 16, i saw her at the mall with her friends. ended up fuckin' in the mall

true events true story, goooooood times

I hooked up with a chick at the bar one night. YOu know the type, when you are drunk. She is dressed just right to make you hard with the hair spray and makeup. But the next morning you ask yourself, WTF was I thinking. Oh well to late now, so I better hit it one more time. But anyway, she took me back to her house and things real exciting. She wanted me to stick it in her pooper. Who am I to argue. So there I was shagging her dirt box when she started yelling. I was a bit drunk so i mistook the yelling as her really digging it. So I started hammering away and exploded in her anus. When I pulled out, she has shit on my cock. Kind of ended the romantic evening. I used her shirt to wipe my junk clean and then soon passed out. Next morning when I woke, I left as quickly and quietly as possible and showered as soon as I got home. Never saw her again. Wonder if she still likes anal.

if she wanted anal ... i dont see why she didnt clean her ass...dumb hoe....lol