How Do/Did You Speak to Your Parents?

tyler.durden said:

My father was a miserable man, and he abused all of us including my mom. He was really great at abuse both physical and mental, and seemed to take great pleasure in it. He did get up every day to work shit jobs to provide a meager living, we were very poor. He was apparently very intelligent and was an accomplished artist, but he never shared any of that with us. He had many friends, and treated most people outside of his family very well. He died long ago. He fucked us up but good, us kids always joke that it is a wonder that we're not all in jail. My mother was an amazing woman, and taught science at a local college. She had many artistic talents, as well, and made money with them on the side. She was super sweet, everyone touted her as an angel and martyr, but most of that was to hide her weakness and insecurities. Even though we were poor, she'd take us everywhere and found many opportunities for us in music, sports, and academics. The city had money back then, and offered many great programs for poor, inner-city kids. We took advantage of most of them. She was VERY intelligent and creative with endless time and effort for her children. She was my best friend, our rapport was as peers and friends after I hit 11 or so. My siblings didn't honor her like I did in her later years, I made sure that we had a standing date every Wednesday to go downtown to a great concert series, then I'd treat her to nice places to eat. We'd talk for hours about science, philosophy, theology, fine arts and human nature. We'd often be the last people in the restaurant. No one had a mind and heart like hers, and I miss her very much. No regrets, though, and nothing left unsaid, as I made sure to treat her like each day was our last. She developed Alzheimer's and declined quickly, and after taking care of her for several arduous years, she is finally in a nice, local home. I went to play violin for her there recently for her birthday, and she did not recognize me for the first time. I held it together for the visit, but I cried my ass off when I got home. She doesn't really know her own life anymore, it's very strange to watch such a vibrant person fade away before your eyes and to grieve for them while they're still alive. But, we honor who they were. Thanks for everything, mom...

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Bubblegum31 said:

You are a brave man and I enjoyed reading about how your mother is a good person..

I hope all the best for her and that she becomes better.

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zeddd said:

W
why not just crack out the violin crybaby lol

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mr sunshine said:

If you've never walked in on one of your parents trying to kill themselves, You don't know drugs..

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Padawanbater2 said:

I second that

Alzheimer's has to be one of the worst things in existence.. Thanks for sharing that story t.d.

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tyler.durden said:

You inspired it, Pad. Thanks for the thread. My second wife's dad died suddenly of a heart attack a few years ago, their family took it very hard as he was a good man. After seeing what I had to go through with my mom, she expressed gratitude that her dad went the way he did. I don't fear death, but I do fear losing my mind. Dementia is a bitch..

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mr sunshine said:

I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. My grandparents suffer from dementia...i worry about my gf having to struggle to take care of me, if I were to get sick. When I was younger I would feel so depressed about the way life works.. now that I'm older I can honestly say I'm more afraid then depressed. Not of death itself its My emotions that terrify me.. maybe I'm afraid of living?

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tangerinegreen555 said:

What really sucks is knowing your father and grandfather both had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's...and there's nothing you can do other than hope you don't get too it...too soon...

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Olive Drab Green said:

I appreciate your sympathy, but I just need your understanding. I'm not a disrespectful punk. I just refuse to be enslaved because two people decided to make me from their DNA and are convinced I owe them for it. I was a fucking accident, I owe you nothing, and parents should act like parents, not like vicious overseers who have a sadism fetish.

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roseypeach said:

I understand. You don't owe anyone anything, in fact, I don't really know what happened or what they did but they definitely owe you for being so horrible! I hope you find peace despite them, sounds like you got a bum wrap, you didn't deserve that. No child should be treated like that.

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Singlemalt said:

"
How Do/Did You Speak to Your Parents?

Once I got them into the cellar, not very much

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Olive Drab Green said:

Appreciated. You're sweet. Trying to start my day out better instead of brooding, though, so I apologize for my lack of control yesterday.

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tyler.durden said:

My father was a miserable man, and he abused all of us including my mom. He was really great at abuse both physical and mental, and seemed to take great pleasure in it. He did get up every day to work shit jobs to provide a meager living, we were very poor. He was apparently very intelligent and was an accomplished artist, but he never shared any of that with us. He had many friends, and treated most people outside of his family very well. He died long ago. He fucked us up but good, us kids always joke that it is a wonder that we're not all in jail. My mother was an amazing woman, and taught science at a local college. She had many artistic talents, as well, and made money with them on the side. She was super sweet, everyone touted her as an angel and martyr, but most of that was to hide her weakness and insecurities. Even though we were poor, she'd take us everywhere and found many opportunities for us in music, sports, and academics. The city had money back then, and offered many great programs for poor, inner-city kids. We took advantage of most of them. She was VERY intelligent and creative with endless time and effort for her children. She was my best friend, our rapport was as peers and friends after I hit 11 or so. My siblings didn't honor her like I did in her later years, I made sure that we had a standing date every Wednesday to go downtown to a great concert series, then I'd treat her to nice places to eat. We'd talk for hours about science, philosophy, theology, fine arts and human nature. We'd often be the last people in the restaurant. No one had a mind and heart like hers, and I miss her very much. No regrets, though, and nothing left unsaid, as I made sure to treat her like each day was our last. She developed Alzheimer's and declined quickly, and after taking care of her for several arduous years, she is finally in a nice, local home. I went to play violin for her there recently for her birthday, and she did not recognize me for the first time. I held it together for the visit, but I cried my ass off when I got home. She doesn't really know her own life anymore, it's very strange to watch such a vibrant person fade away before your eyes and to grieve for them while they're still alive. But, we honor who they were. Thanks for everything, mom...

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Hookabelly said:

You made it out though. That honors her and thankfully she could see that before her decline. From your post it sounds like you have quite a realistic and now healthy perspective. Most people remain captive by bad parents for life.

I hope my kids and I can have what you and your mom had later in life.

PS I had to watch my father decline from the ravages of Chronic Progressive MS. It took 2 full decades of slow, painful deterioration. Took a toll on our family for sure. Bless you TD for being such a good son and loving your mom. What an incredible woman!

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indikat said:

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Olive Drab Green said:

Appreciated. You're sweet. Trying to start my day out better instead of brooding, though, so I apologize for my lack of control yesterday.

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indikat said:

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