I Once.

I once new a guy who fancied spicing up his and his girlfriends sex life. Since he had shoved his pork sword in every other orophis except her ass, he thought fuck it, and amazed at his girlfriends enthusiasm they waited for his parents to leave there house. For an unbeknown reason to us mere mortals they decided that the downstairs living room would be a good setting. And no, before you ask, this isn't one of those stories where his parents catch him giving it to his girlfriend like an inmate... its much worse. At this point in the story it is important for me to mention that his parents were fairly wealthy. They had recently decorated the livingroom in a lovely shade of cream; cream carpets, cream leather sofa etc etc. So, since anul was a step into the unknown for both of these star crossed lovers, he took her over to the sofa and took it slow to start with. It is an understatement to say she wasn't enjoying it so she asked her boyfriend to stop. Like any good boyfriend he did as she pleased and pulled his rod out. Before you could say "felatio would have been more sensible" She shat everywhere, and i meen everywhere, all over the sofa, caked the cream carpet in crap. The boy was mortified what would he do, there could be no believable way to cover up this mess... or would there. Did i mention his family were a proud owner of a wonderful dog. A shitzu infact. (<<<Sorry i couldn't resist, this may not be true, but for the sake of comedy...) The parents returned home to an odd aroma, i suppose one would say "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL" and that they did. The boyfriend quickly explained how the dog had suddenly been hit with a case of the squirts. Now the parents couldn't have this creature shitting all over their beautiful house, could they? They proceeded to the vets and requested the dog was put down, the vet explained that the squirts were easily cured, but the family were furious and insisted the dog was exterminated.

Some say that this story is just an urban myth, but i like to think otherwise

techgrower said:

I once.......Had a neighbor bang on the door..Franticly yelling we gotta get him down, cops said we gotta get him down. So I ran out of the house to follow him into his basement and pulled a dude, still warm, freshly deficated (had pants on) off his noose, and heard his last breath as I layed him on the floor. Creeps me out to this day.

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What? It sounds like you said you just killed a guy. WHAT?!

No, whatamidoing, He hung himself, neighbor found him, he came running next door where i was, I followed him and grabbed dude lifted him up and neighbor took the rope/wire off his neck. I layed him down to hear his last exhale. Started cpr he allready deficated so no chance at that point. Was messed up for a while after.

i once... farted.... then denied it

techgrower said:

No, whatamidoing, He hung himself, neighbor found him, he came running next door where i was, I followed him and grabbed dude lifted him up and neighbor took the rope/wire off his neck. I layed him down to hear his last exhale. Started cpr he allready deficated so no chance at that point. Was messed up for a while after.

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I once saw my father hauled away in a body bag when i was 12...

This thread is getting morbid . . .

i once had my friend fly by someone at like 70 while i threw a brick off some dudes windsheild.

i once called newgrowth morbidly obese.

i think it turned him on.

ALX420 said:

i once called newgrowth morbidly obese.

i think it turned him on.

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I can't tell . . . I'm too fat to see

i once made a dunce eat bunt cakes for lunch.

back in the dayy... my friend once threw dog shit at this kids jacket and he started cryin tryin to smear the shit off with his sleave, i broke down in tears laughing so hard

another back in the day shit story.... i once shit in my friends school diarama and lit it on fire in his back yard.. he pissed on it to put it out, that 1 kinda makes me think how much we were assholes back then.. oh well life goes on i guess

I once threw a freezer bag full of urine at someone's front door.

I once.............pissed in someones gastank!!!! He was a fukin dik

i once watched a kid piss in a cop car's gas tank...and almost died laughing

I once peed on a car while a security guard yelled at me in a parking garage.

i once backed out of this thread while eating chimichangas.

chronik4lyfe said:

i once had a bad trip on shrooms watchin mission impossible 3 when it came out forever ago, i got so into it i thought the movie was actuall happening and started trippin ballz, nd being in a room full of ppl i dont know.. feelin like they all know im high, and watching me.. is a trip in itself

most fucked up part tho was lleaving the theater in the dark, all the stairs are lit up makes it look like a ramp, soon found out it wasnt after tryin to slide down said ramp on my face

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Love it....

cummon fdd pee is funny... diddnt ya know ??

I once read thru this really long ass thread over a two day period and decided that in August 2008 some people should not have pets. I also once thought that many contributors to this thread should audition for the next Jack Ass movie. I've been laughing and gasping in horror...sometimes together...for two days. OK the kids are gone...I have time.