Need some honest advice

smokermore

smokermore

Well-Known Member
neosapien said:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Not sure how AIDS from a tranny meth hooker fits into that old adage though. You might get weaker from the AIDS actually. Good luck. Still waiting for those pics.
Click to expand...
I actually considered sending you pics. Idk why. Add was taken off cl and I didn't take any pics. I thought about taking some, but threw the night, I also kinda thought o probably don't wanna see what's really going.
I really question my sanity and in a way think I am separate from everyone but in a superior way. Not because of anything in particular or special. But when I was 16, had a tragic event. Really should have died. Since then I've felt I'm here for something big. Like God couldn't let me die for whatever reason. Huh wow, writing it out like this kinda makes it clearer to see how ridiculous that is.
I practically had no parents growing up. Mom use to always drill in our minds that gay is evil. She would always mess around on my dad and I had to keep secret. Dad use to always drink and beat the shit out of all of us. Finally moved in with my grandma at about 6th grade. She basically let me do whatever I wanted. It was like going from hell to heaven. But now I guess I get to see the outcome of what happens when a teenager gets to do whatever with no serious type of disipline or punishment. I turned into the kid that other kids weren't allowed to hang out with.
Jesus Christ I'm gonna stop. Keep flip flopping thinking I need to get this shit out. But a bad idea because it seems im vulnerable now to the hateful remarks that are soon to come. I feel like I want help, but I don't want help. I don't think there's anything or anyone that can really help me besides me.



i think I might be realizing this whole thing might just be like a documentary for me when I'm completely clear headed and It can help me remember what all happened and what's going thru my mind. It's starting to look clear that I'm just tweeked out on a bad trip and basically just writing what's going thru my racing brain.

Recently I've made bad decisions. That's all they were. The outcome for these bad decisions has the possibility to be life changing, and ending. I have no choice but to accept what happens. All I can do is make better choices.

I've always liked that saying whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I'm the Dumbass that always has to learn the hard way. But I like to think that it does indeed make me tougher and wiser. I typically don't make the same mistake more than once. I kinda feel like I'm on the right side of the line for Darwins survival of the fittest theory, I'm just smart enough to stay alive. And I wanted to laugh right after righting that. That shouldn't be a laughing matter.

I think I might be experiencing split personalities. Ok I'm going to go lay down.
 
tyler.durden

tyler.durden

Well-Known Member
smokermore said:
I actually considered sending you pics. Idk why. Add was taken off cl and I didn't take any pics. I thought about taking some, but threw the night, I also kinda thought o probably don't wanna see what's really going.
I really question my sanity and in a way think I am separate from everyone but in a superior way. Not because of anything in particular or special. But when I was 16, had a tragic event. Really should have died. Since then I've felt I'm here for something big. Like God couldn't let me die for whatever reason. Huh wow, writing it out like this kinda makes it clearer to see how ridiculous that is.
I practically had no parents growing up. Mom use to always drill in our minds that gay is evil. She would always mess around on my dad and I had to keep secret. Dad use to always drink and beat the shit out of all of us. Finally moved in with my grandma at about 6th grade. She basically let me do whatever I wanted. It was like going from hell to heaven. But now I guess I get to see the outcome of what happens when a teenager gets to do whatever with no serious type of disipline or punishment. I turned into the kid that other kids weren't allowed to hang out with.
Jesus Christ I'm gonna stop. Keep flip flopping thinking I need to get this shit out. But a bad idea because it seems im vulnerable now to the hateful remarks that are soon to come. I feel like I want help, but I don't want help. I don't think there's anything or anyone that can really help me besides me.



i think I might be realizing this whole thing might just be like a documentary for me when I'm completely clear headed and It can help me remember what all happened and what's going thru my mind. It's starting to look clear that I'm just tweeked out on a bad trip and basically just writing what's going thru my racing brain.

Recently I've made bad decisions. That's all they were. The outcome for these bad decisions has the possibility to be life changing, and ending. I have no choice but to accept what happens. All I can do is make better choices.

I've always liked that saying whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I'm the Dumbass that always has to learn the hard way. But I like to think that it does indeed make me tougher and wiser. I typically don't make the same mistake more than once. I kinda feel like I'm on the right side of the line for Darwins survival of the fittest theory, I'm just smart enough to stay alive. And I wanted to laugh right after righting that. That shouldn't be a laughing matter.

I think I might be experiencing split personalities. Ok I'm going to go lay down.
Click to expand...

And on it goes. I love you so much. Go rest up, you've earned it. Please post more later...
 
neosapien

neosapien

Well-Known Member
smokermore said:
I actually considered sending you pics. Idk why. Add was taken off cl and I didn't take any pics. I thought about taking some, but threw the night, I also kinda thought o probably don't wanna see what's really going.
I really question my sanity and in a way think I am separate from everyone but in a superior way. Not because of anything in particular or special. But when I was 16, had a tragic event. Really should have died. Since then I've felt I'm here for something big. Like God couldn't let me die for whatever reason. Huh wow, writing it out like this kinda makes it clearer to see how ridiculous that is.
I practically had no parents growing up. Mom use to always drill in our minds that gay is evil. She would always mess around on my dad and I had to keep secret. Dad use to always drink and beat the shit out of all of us. Finally moved in with my grandma at about 6th grade. She basically let me do whatever I wanted. It was like going from hell to heaven. But now I guess I get to see the outcome of what happens when a teenager gets to do whatever with no serious type of disipline or punishment. I turned into the kid that other kids weren't allowed to hang out with.
Jesus Christ I'm gonna stop. Keep flip flopping thinking I need to get this shit out. But a bad idea because it seems im vulnerable now to the hateful remarks that are soon to come. I feel like I want help, but I don't want help. I don't think there's anything or anyone that can really help me besides me.



i think I might be realizing this whole thing might just be like a documentary for me when I'm completely clear headed and It can help me remember what all happened and what's going thru my mind. It's starting to look clear that I'm just tweeked out on a bad trip and basically just writing what's going thru my racing brain.

Recently I've made bad decisions. That's all they were. The outcome for these bad decisions has the possibility to be life changing, and ending. I have no choice but to accept what happens. All I can do is make better choices.

I've always liked that saying whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I'm the Dumbass that always has to learn the hard way. But I like to think that it does indeed make me tougher and wiser. I typically don't make the same mistake more than once. I kinda feel like I'm on the right side of the line for Darwins survival of the fittest theory, I'm just smart enough to stay alive. And I wanted to laugh right after righting that. That shouldn't be a laughing matter.

I think I might be experiencing split personalities. Ok I'm going to go lay down.
Click to expand...
 
tyler.durden

tyler.durden

Well-Known Member
Well, last night I read this thread to my friends, it went over better than I anticipated. They freaking LOVED it, and wanted to know which site it was from. I told them grasscity because I don't want them coming here. They'd know who I was by reading just a few posts, and then I'd have to kill them all. It's xmas, I don't need to be getting rid of bodies all weekend...
 
smokermore

smokermore

Well-Known Member
I'm still kinda tweeked out... Definitely still not 100%.
It is all pretty fucked up. I'm ready to feel normal again and see how i feel about this whole endeavor.
I'm still not fully losing my shit. Just really feeling like shit from the come down. Even had a good night sleep.
Although it is looking pretty clear it was a hooker, I'm still trying to think positive in hopes maybe he/she only fucks people without a condom who seems clean. I'm even still contemplating going to the marriet and watching her play piano tomorrow night. And then maybe having drinks and see if I can get a better read on her.
I sent her a long ass txt last night not long after I was on here. I shouldn't have had a phone last night. I was txting people I haven't talked to in years... But somewhere in the text I sent her, I just straight said I hope ur not a meth hooker with AIDS in and out of jail and motels..and this is her reply

Lol don't worry babe... Im clean. Plus there wasnt even a minutes worth of actual penetration. And if youve done your homework its more likely for the person doing the penetration to transmit something and at the same time the chances of receiving something are greatly reduced if there was anything to be transmitted in the first place strictly because of the anatomy. So quit stressing k babe.... We need to do it again soon"

She was being generous, it honestly couldn't have been more than 10 seconds of penetration. I didn't realize how out of shape I was, but after about five seconds I was pouring sweat and felt like I was about to have a heart attack, and that was as far as the intercourse went. So maybe being limp dick and out of shape could save my life... So that also kinda helps me not go into full panic.
Somehow I don't feel that ashamed.. I mean kinda, but not as bad as I thought. Maybe tomorrow will be different.
If I don't fall into a pit of shame, then I should give another update tomorrow.
 
Hookabelly

Hookabelly

Well-Known Member
tyler.durden said:
Well, last night I read this thread to my friends, it went over better than I anticipated. They freaking LOVED it, and wanted to know which site it was from. I told them grasscity because I don't want them coming here. They'd know who I was by reading just a few posts, and then I'd have to kill them all. It's xmas, I don't need to be getting rid of bodies all weekend...
Click to expand...
Yes, this thread reminds me of the good ol' days in TNT. No disrespect @smokermore but dude, you've got to know this is RIU gold.






 
Hookabelly

Hookabelly

Well-Known Member
smokermore said:
just trying to keep it real.
It's always been hard for me to determine, are they laughing with me, or at me?
Click to expand...
Welllll I'll be honest with you dude, I don't know how many can laugh with...Not sure many on here had quite the experience you did. But we can probably all relate to the "morning after wtf."

Takes guts to keep it real on here though so ...hope you find the answers you are looking for.
 
bu$hleaguer

bu$hleaguer

Well-Known Member
smokermore said:
I'm still kinda tweeked out... Definitely still not 100%.
It is all pretty fucked up. I'm ready to feel normal again and see how i feel about this whole endeavor.
I'm still not fully losing my shit. Just really feeling like shit from the come down. Even had a good night sleep.
Although it is looking pretty clear it was a hooker, I'm still trying to think positive in hopes maybe he/she only fucks people without a condom who seems clean. I'm even still contemplating going to the marriet and watching her play piano tomorrow night. And then maybe having drinks and see if I can get a better read on her.
I sent her a long ass txt last night not long after I was on here. I shouldn't have had a phone last night. I was txting people I haven't talked to in years... But somewhere in the text I sent her, I just straight said I hope ur not a meth hooker with AIDS in and out of jail and motels..and this is her reply

Lol don't worry babe... Im clean. Plus there wasnt even a minutes worth of actual penetration. And if youve done your homework its more likely for the person doing the penetration to transmit something and at the same time the chances of receiving something are greatly reduced if there was anything to be transmitted in the first place strictly because of the anatomy. So quit stressing k babe.... We need to do it again soon"

She was being generous, it honestly couldn't have been more than 10 seconds of penetration. I didn't realize how out of shape I was, but after about five seconds I was pouring sweat and felt like I was about to have a heart attack, and that was as far as the intercourse went. So maybe being limp dick and out of shape could save my life... So that also kinda helps me not go into full panic.
Somehow I don't feel that ashamed.. I mean kinda, but not as bad as I thought. Maybe tomorrow will be different.
If I don't fall into a pit of shame, then I should give another update tomorrow.
Click to expand...
Good stuff, OP. I'm guessing you can trust this transvestite CL prostitute that she's clean if she was indeed telling the truth about playing the piano at the Marriott. Pretty ballsy (pun intended because she has some balls, and some dick) if she was going
to make up an easily verifiable story like a piano gig.

I'd say you sound like you're just getting over being high on the meth. Go watch her play piano. Then have her blow you.
 
smokermore

smokermore

Well-Known Member
So uh, hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I think I'm pretty much all back to normal again. Except the fact that now I somehow have plans for her to come back over tomorrow night… but let me first tell you all about my last freak out I had about two nights ago. I was still not fully there, and I was in a horrible depression, just thinking about all the bad shit in my life, and I noticed, well fuck it I don't even want to get into that because y'all are going to freak me out and I'm kind of not so freaked out right now so I'm gonna skip that part, but I can update that in about month. So anyway right then, I end up having the worst panic panic attack of my life. I was almost 100% convinced I was having a heart attack. I was by my bedroom when it started, I lay down immediately. After a minute or two I tried to reach for the water bottle and my left arm started tingling and felt like it was about to go numb. Then my whole body started tingling, all the while my heart is pounding out of my chest, but then sometimes it felt like it wasn't pounding at all, thought I was about to black out, was seconds away from calling 911. Kept thinking I need to get in my car and drive down the street and then call 911. But I couldn't seem to move much or get up without feeling dizzy. So finally I started praying to God. I was so scared, really thought I was done. I've been mostly atheist for about the past 8 years i think, and in that time would would basically look down on religion and anything to do with it. But I prayed like I needed someone to hear me, and my heart started to calm down a bit. Gave me enough strength to put some clothes on, grab my keys and jacket and make it downstairs. I go to the kitchen and get an aspirin. As I'm chewing, I'm thinking I'll call my dad in Texas and let him know what I'm about to do. So I call, he doesn't answer. It's was 2 am here, 3 am there. I'm walking down the hallway, about to go thru the door to the garage, I call again, he answers. I basically tell him exactly what's going, the drugs, the whore, and I also recently took an oxy codone in hope it would help me sleep. He basically talked me thru it. Was on the phone for over two hours. By the end of the phone call, I was convinced I was done out here, and was going back to Texas, and check myself in to a good ole mental ward for hopefully atleast a year..

So now here I am. Honestly thankful to be alive. And thanking God! I believe again! I'm thinking about finding a good church close by, and maybe get baptized or something signifying I'm a born again believer. I feel I have a god as I understand him, no Christian or any other religion for that matter. My personal almighty all holy all knowing God, who is not a jealous God.. And I know the situation can easily be explained by logic, somehow that doesn't matter to me.

So I've kinda been keeping in touch with what's her name.. I just feel if we stay in touch it keeps me from freaking out about having caught something. So I invite here out for dinner tonight, her choice, or drinks, or whatever she wanted to do really. She said she had lots of errands to run, laundry, Walmart, and whatever else, but sounded interested in meeting later. So finally around 7 pm, I was done with my stuff, deliveries, store... And I was kinda just ready to go home, take a few dabs and just chill out. So i txt her again and say it's getting late and I'm going home blah blah. She finally texts me about 40 minutes later, soon after I had made it home. Then she basically said, oh well let's just plan to get together again tomorrow night...
So now I'm under the impression she wants to come stay the night again... Seems like I'm getting in over my head. I never let anyone here. Nobody knows where I live except family..
I'd like to have company but seems like definitely not worth the risk.
Who knows what the hell I'll do, I sure don't have a clue lol..
I'll keep updating of anything happens.
 
Singlemalt

Singlemalt

Well-Known Member
smokermore said:
So uh, hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I think I'm pretty much all back to normal again. Except the fact that now I somehow have plans for her to come back over tomorrow night… but let me first tell you all about my last freak out I had about two nights ago. I was still not fully there, and I was in a horrible depression, just thinking about all the bad shit in my life, and I noticed, well fuck it I don't even want to get into that because y'all are going to freak me out and I'm kind of not so freaked out right now so I'm gonna skip that part, but I can update that in about month. So anyway right then, I end up having the worst panic panic attack of my life. I was almost 100% convinced I was having a heart attack. I was by my bedroom when it started, I lay down immediately. After a minute or two I tried to reach for the water bottle and my left arm started tingling and felt like it was about to go numb. Then my whole body started tingling, all the while my heart is pounding out of my chest, but then sometimes it felt like it wasn't pounding at all, thought I was about to black out, was seconds away from calling 911. Kept thinking I need to get in my car and drive down the street and then call 911. But I couldn't seem to move much or get up without feeling dizzy. So finally I started praying to God. I was so scared, really thought I was done. I've been mostly atheist for about the past 8 years i think, and in that time would would basically look down on religion and anything to do with it. But I prayed like I needed someone to hear me, and my heart started to calm down a bit. Gave me enough strength to put some clothes on, grab my keys and jacket and make it downstairs. I go to the kitchen and get an aspirin. As I'm chewing, I'm thinking I'll call my dad in Texas and let him know what I'm about to do. So I call, he doesn't answer. It's was 2 am here, 3 am there. I'm walking down the hallway, about to go thru the door to the garage, I call again, he answers. I basically tell him exactly what's going, the drugs, the whore, and I also recently took an oxy codone in hope it would help me sleep. He basically talked me thru it. Was on the phone for over two hours. By the end of the phone call, I was convinced I was done out here, and was going back to Texas, and check myself in to a good ole mental ward for hopefully atleast a year..

So now here I am. Honestly thankful to be alive. And thanking God! I believe again! I'm thinking about finding a good church close by, and maybe get baptized or something signifying I'm a born again believer. I feel I have a god as I understand him, no Christian or any other religion for that matter. My personal almighty all holy all knowing God, who is not a jealous God.. And I know the situation can easily be explained by logic, somehow that doesn't matter to me.

So I've kinda been keeping in touch with what's her name.. I just feel if we stay in touch it keeps me from freaking out about having caught something. So I invite here out for dinner tonight, her choice, or drinks, or whatever she wanted to do really. She said she had lots of errands to run, laundry, Walmart, and whatever else, but sounded interested in meeting later. So finally around 7 pm, I was done with my stuff, deliveries, store... And I was kinda just ready to go home, take a few dabs and just chill out. So i txt her again and say it's getting late and I'm going home blah blah. She finally texts me about 40 minutes later, soon after I had made it home. Then she basically said, oh well let's just plan to get together again tomorrow night...
So now I'm under the impression she wants to come stay the night again... Seems like I'm getting in over my head. I never let anyone here. Nobody knows where I live except family..
I'd like to have company but seems like definitely not worth the risk.
Who knows what the hell I'll do, I sure don't have a clue lol..
I'll keep updating of anything happens.
Click to expand...
Dude, you are over thinking this. Seriously, you are a young man, discovering life and the myriad of joys and pleasures. Go for the gusto> Damn theanchor, full speed ahead!
 
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