One Liners

anyone got any good one liners? i'l give u a few to start off.....



Seems most men are in favour of the muslim full face veil.

It solves the age old problem of where to wipe your dick after a blow job

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries

What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

how much does a polar bear weigh?....enough to break the ice! "from some recent movie"

I just popped upstairs and surprisingly found my wife using Veet on her bikini line.

I thought if only you could use some of that on your moustache, I may even fancy shagging you.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents..

Gaywatch.

I bought a wind up radio last week.

Every time I switch it on, it calls me a cunt!

I've bought myself a chinchilla.

That should keep my face nice and cool in this warm weather.

Rape is like marmite....
One of you is bound to love it

A 80 year old man walks into the bedroom and finds his wife doing a handstand naked shocked he asks

"what are you doing?"

She says "I know you can't get it up, maybe you could drop it in!

'FOR SALE'' Complete set of Encyclopedia in good condition.

Reason for Selling:

-No longer needed. -Got married. -Wife knows FUCKING EVERYTHING!

I will never forget my blind wifes last words before she died, 'Are you sure its ok to cross?'.

While dancing with a lady, she leans in and says, "you smell good, what do you have ON"
I whisper back, "I've got a hard ON, but I didn't know you could smell it"

Couldn't find anything to eat in the fridge last night.
I hate working in the morgue when there's only male bodies.

This thread is pretty silly.

And it's colder than a polar bear's pussy outside. When's summer gonna actually get here!