So you think your life is bad??? ...haha

This site speaks for its self...

PS: SOM, You picked the same one that i liked...haha his toothbrush!

www.fmylife.com

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number.

It's been awhile since a site has entertained me this much Poor bastards.

Ive been on here for awhile now lol... Its awesome!

"Today, was the first time I saw a man's sex organs in real life. I was in anatomy dissection class and had to pull the cadaver's testicles out of his scrotum."

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?"


BURRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship.

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people.



Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?"


Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle.



Today, I discovered a drawer in my house of chocolates, cookies, and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me.



Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit.



HAHAHAAHAAA

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy.

Today, my friends and I go to a bar and proceed to get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a little person. FML

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

Today, I walked to class in the rain after a long night of reading all 1200 pages of War & Peace in one sitting trying to cram for an in class essay, when I arrived nobody was there. I check the master postings of finals and look to see that my final was actually yesterday at 7 am. FML

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make.

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend to have sex. He told me he would rather play ps3. FML

Today, a random guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

*SAD*Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML*SAD*

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. She told me I just wasn't her type, but gave me the phone number of one of her friends. Since all the friends I had met had been pretty hot, I called it later. Her friend was a guy.

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years.


Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML


Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl.


Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing.


Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored."

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to my bed.

Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home.

Today, my elderly neighbor made puppy-eyes at me so I'd lug her seven carrier bags full of groceries up three flights of stairs. Afterwards, very grateful, she takes out her purse, hands me a coin, and tells me that maybe this way I could afford to "get a better haircut next time".

HAha i hope everyone is enjoying this site as much as i am haha

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch a porn film on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear. It wasn't until she came out of her bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly.

Today, I finished having sex with my girlfriend when she asked if I had started smoking weed again. I said yes and asked if she could smell it on me, since I had recently smoked. She replied, "The only time you can last this long is when you're high."