Hey coyote chick. How do you copy your threads like that? I can't seen to do it gurl.
((Hit the "quote" button and type in between the quoted text in your reply. I add the "(())" to make my text easier to distinguish from the original post. It's easier to do it this way, and I can address each thing said without forgetting anything. ^^))
Anyway yes I was repeatedly gang raped and it was a very horrific ordeal. I've spent 6 years of my life all cooped up in my house terrified to even go outside until the last couple of years. This year is getting a LOT better for me as I am actually getting back some self confidence since that was non existent.
((I know the feeling of getting my real "self" back, I've spent the last 9 years trapped inside my own head (once again, see the post I'm gonna make about that in a minute here), and within the last six months I'm finally starting to be a, well, PERSON. Self confidence has always been a problem of mine, but I'm feeling better about myself with each passing day.))
I went through all the scenerios of what I would like to do to these Mofu but I'm so past that now. Holding in the anger wasn't doing me any good.
That was a very difficult process to go through. To forgive these bastards and myself for what happened and let it go. Not that I will ever let it go because most days it comes back to haunt me but recently there have been some days when i don't even think about it and thats amazing in itself because for years that is all I could ever think about.
((Wow. That's showing a lot of strength right there. And courage, dammit. All I can say is: Girl? Fuck. YEAH.))
Up unitl recently I used to have nightmares all the time and a few weeks ago i actually had a sweet tender dream. I can't even remember the last time I had a tender dream before that. So yes it is a HUGE issue still for me.
((Reading that almost brought tears to my eyes, y'know. Sounds like you're healing, and I'm willing to bet you've got people around you that are helping you along. Not that I'm saying you're not strong enough to do it on your own, I just get the impression that you're well loved.
))
Oh gurl I so have to agree with you about the topic of sex and how we are so conditioned about the very topic itself. The media adds sex to just about every commercial ; its everywhere but yet if the subject is brought up openly and honestly we are considered the pervs. And what really pisses me off is when guys bring up the subject its just men will be men but when women bring up the subject...they are just considered sluts. wtf?
((Double standards, of course. Applies to more than just sex, too. Girls being strong and honest seems to frighten some people, so it's easier to demonize the idea. The whole world isn't like that, a lot of people are grown up about it, it's just the people in power are decades behind the times so chicks still have to struggle against the grain. Guys say we complain too much, but they don't know exactly what we have to put up with.))
The funny thing is lately I have been joking and talking about sex a lot here lately and it is doing me a lot of good. Its like a release or an outlet to me. If I can't laugh and joke about the subject then I just torment myself with these painful rape memories. I happen to prefer the joking around. Some people here do get all bend out of shape but i think it has more to do with their issues than anything.
((As I often say, if you can't laugh you can't live.))
The states don't like US. haha. thats news to me. We are probably one of the worlds most loved countries. Whenever you travel and say you are from canada.....people instantly LOVE you. They do not feel the same way about amercians. Not that I care one way or another but I think amercians are the most despised people in the world.
((Friends of mine have traveled overseas and I've told them to say they're from Canada if they want to be treated nicely. They snorted and laughed at me, and when they came back they said they told people they were Americans for awhile, but after they said they were Canadian they got treated much better. Americans have no idea how much the rest of the world hates them. They think the whole world worships the USA, but it's the opposite. People really do resent Canada here, I'm not really sure why.))
Its all kinda silly really.