Will Ferrell
Well-Known Member
If you just recently have separated after 10+ years. Live in a state with 0 family and friends. Have been cooped up for so long you feel institutionalized.
I've been waking up every day this past month, with absolutely no reason to even get out of bed. Yet I force myself, and try to find something to do... Every day is the same... I'm still trying to quit smoking in hopes that things will get different.
I'm pretty sure I have severe depression. I'm starting to think I may need to commit myself some where. Like a mental hospital or something...can't really afford that though.
I haven't had a job in about two years. My last job was part time at papajohns, bout a year. Before that I had a good job working for a cable company and I was in tech support, you know, the department that everyone loves getting transferred to..was there for a year..my ex and I use to work there together, we both hated it, and just bounced out of there one day. Between the two of us, we had about 10k saved up. So we decided let's move to Albuquerque! I'll get my card and liscense, and grow weed out the ass. She has her bachelor's degree, so we assumed it would be ez for her to find a job, which it was.
Well let me back up even more. I use to have lots of friends. Some might even say I was kinda popular. But when I fell in love, I really didn't even want to hang around anyone else anymore. I guess just wanted to do everything with her..That went well for probably the first four or five years, then life just got dull as fuck! Beyond bored with the same day by day routine, I started secretly smoking weed again( we met in rehab and were trying to take the sober route) it didn't take long before we were both smoking, and smoking a lot..this had lead us/me to being comfortable with not doing anything ever. Just sit around and be stoned outta my mind all day everyday. At first I didn't think it would ever get old. But now here I Am. Whenever I'm at home, I wish I was out doing something fun, but when I'm out, all I can think about is getting back home.... Literally nothing excites me anymore it seems. I honestly think if I had enough money to go out and buy a Lamborghini, I would just let it sit in the garage. Nothing sounds fun....
So everyday I wake up motivated to not smoke weed, hopeing for a change, but every evening, I end up giving in. For some reason, when it starts getting dark, that's when I want to smoke the most, cause I think, well the days already over, I can take a hit and be ok, or I can continue to try and stay sober, and basically go crazy.
Also, I've heard this time and time again. When I was very young and first started to smoke, it was awsome, I loved to go out and do stupid shit with my friends. Now it the opposite.. horrible anxiety. I literally can't step out the house or talk to anyone besides my ex if I'm high. I guess I always thought if I smoke enough of it, it will eventually get back to the way it was, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It just been getting worse every year.
Ugh, and here I am, spent at least an hour writing this, and for what.. Will I get something out of it? Probably not..what could I possibly get out of it? I don't see how any advice can help my situation.. I guess it's just good to get some of this stuff out...
I've been waking up every day this past month, with absolutely no reason to even get out of bed. Yet I force myself, and try to find something to do... Every day is the same... I'm still trying to quit smoking in hopes that things will get different.
I'm pretty sure I have severe depression. I'm starting to think I may need to commit myself some where. Like a mental hospital or something...can't really afford that though.
I haven't had a job in about two years. My last job was part time at papajohns, bout a year. Before that I had a good job working for a cable company and I was in tech support, you know, the department that everyone loves getting transferred to..was there for a year..my ex and I use to work there together, we both hated it, and just bounced out of there one day. Between the two of us, we had about 10k saved up. So we decided let's move to Albuquerque! I'll get my card and liscense, and grow weed out the ass. She has her bachelor's degree, so we assumed it would be ez for her to find a job, which it was.
Well let me back up even more. I use to have lots of friends. Some might even say I was kinda popular. But when I fell in love, I really didn't even want to hang around anyone else anymore. I guess just wanted to do everything with her..That went well for probably the first four or five years, then life just got dull as fuck! Beyond bored with the same day by day routine, I started secretly smoking weed again( we met in rehab and were trying to take the sober route) it didn't take long before we were both smoking, and smoking a lot..this had lead us/me to being comfortable with not doing anything ever. Just sit around and be stoned outta my mind all day everyday. At first I didn't think it would ever get old. But now here I Am. Whenever I'm at home, I wish I was out doing something fun, but when I'm out, all I can think about is getting back home.... Literally nothing excites me anymore it seems. I honestly think if I had enough money to go out and buy a Lamborghini, I would just let it sit in the garage. Nothing sounds fun....
So everyday I wake up motivated to not smoke weed, hopeing for a change, but every evening, I end up giving in. For some reason, when it starts getting dark, that's when I want to smoke the most, cause I think, well the days already over, I can take a hit and be ok, or I can continue to try and stay sober, and basically go crazy.
Also, I've heard this time and time again. When I was very young and first started to smoke, it was awsome, I loved to go out and do stupid shit with my friends. Now it the opposite.. horrible anxiety. I literally can't step out the house or talk to anyone besides my ex if I'm high. I guess I always thought if I smoke enough of it, it will eventually get back to the way it was, but that doesn't seem to be the case. It just been getting worse every year.
Ugh, and here I am, spent at least an hour writing this, and for what.. Will I get something out of it? Probably not..what could I possibly get out of it? I don't see how any advice can help my situation.. I guess it's just good to get some of this stuff out...