deserate for some solid advice...

Iloveskywalkerog

Iloveskywalkerog

Well-Known Member
Hookabelly said:
why don't you re-read some of Clayton Bigsby's threads over the past 2 years to get an idea of whether his thread you mentioned above is true or not. Or do you just blindly post in a stream of consciousness sort of way?
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I remember him making a thread i think it was called "need help leaving my wife" it was a while ago though so i don't know.
 
qwizoking

qwizoking

Well-Known Member
I know im retarded
But how do you pm?
Is it the same thing as start a conversation now?
I guess i could ask somewhere else but i was already here
 
Flaming Pie

Flaming Pie

Well-Known Member
farsyt said:
This will pobably be my only post on RIU and I'll probably get into trouble for it too. It might sound really silly but I am in a very dark bad space right now, very sad, very angry, very confused... I really need some unbiased advice.. or something. From strangers. I am desperate.

For the last 12 years I have been married to a really awesome guy... So much beauty. So much strength. So much talent. So much potential. I love all of him with all my heart including all his little flaws (we all have those right??) We have the most incredible little girl who brings so much joy, amazing pets, a highly interesting life and we live in quite an incredible part of the world... Thanks to and with eternal respect, appreciation and gratitude to his parents. The best in-laws anyone could have. They honestly are the most unbelievably good souls who have provided for us for more than a decade. House car food schooling medical care... You name it. There are no words to describe just what kind of people these are. Incredible.

Like all marriages there are ups and downs and we have our issues and have most definitly been handed our fair share of trials with trust issues and obstacles which we have faced and struggled through together (some with great personal difficulty for me)

My husband told me he was bi-polar before we married and I accepted all the conditions that came with that. I was told what to expect with the downswings to a genius mind so I did not enter blindly... In sickness and in health... till death do us part.
I know who he really is. I have seen the real him.. I accepted and loved him for what he was. Always will.

Over the years various external factors caused these downswings to become more frequent. My interest was seen as prying. My support and encouragment was not seen for what it was, responses to my attempts at showing these became cruel and mean.. and my feelings and emotions were 'put on hold' and told they were not important enough to be heard many times because he might be having a bad day or week. I had to start thinking twice before saying or doing most things because I always ended up saying the wrong things simply because I was so nervous. Nothing I seemed to do was good enough. Even hugs. People started turning a blind eye to what I was actually going through and brushed me off whenever I asked for help telling me to let him do his thing... even though sometimes it was morally wrong and I didn't agree. Relationships with family and friends became strained and I have ended up seeing a shrink twice.

We had the most traumatic event happen in our lives as a family last year which I am still not managing to process... Because I have not been able to talk to anyone without feeling judged. It is humiliating and embarrassing. And in a way I've gone through too much. One more straw and I'm done.

I have just found out in the last 48hours that he has told all his friends we are getting divorced and he's blocked me on social media and refuses to say anything other than its final... I'm broken.

He has always refused and refuses to see a professional. Even though the symptoms of his bi-polar is destroying the lives of the people around him and who have supported him all these years. Not that anyone can make him. It's his choice. I know that.

What makes me so devastated is that I really did try to make his life easier in every way. I really have been there for him... In every way I could possibly stretch myself to show my loyalty and dedication to him and our marriage. Even though he rejected me so many times when he was angry... Not even with me sometimes...
But even at his worst I have been there. Patiently enduring and waiting.

I have had to go through what many people wouldnt be able to handle.. For a very long time and very much alone most of the time... Like how I had to drive myself when I needed surgery to prevent cancer. More than once.
Last night I got told that he was never actually professionally diagnosed!! Has all this been one huge big con? A lie? What?

I am afraid to admit that I am terrified. What do I do? I love this man and dont want to divorce. I did everything right.. so to speak.. I was the good wife, friend, housewife, porn star, mother, cook, cleaner, I looked after our daughter, gave him his space and freedom to be himself, compromised, sacrificed, got a career going for both of us at one stage in something we were both passionate about, did all the things expected from a husband.. Plumbing, hardware, maintanence... With no help for a long time. I gave, gave and gave some more. More than anyone will ever know. My health is in a not so good way after bottling up for so long. Various diagnoses, some still not known. It's awful feeling things growing and not knowing what the fuck is happening. And I'm dealing with these alone.

I will openly admit I most certainly am not entirely innocent here. I am so far from perfect. I have my flaws and I have obviously fucked up at times... I have been angry too but I'm a real softie and have always faced up to my demons and tried to apologise where I was wrong.

He has purposefully ignored very real issues for a number of years while making others and their issues more important than what was right in front of him and now he wants to give up?? Just like that????? Without shouldering the result of his actions and the consequences that have come along with those???? Without taking a fraction of what I have carried all these years?? He even said he would try speak with someone and he never has... And now he wants to just give up?? I'm sick and he wants to leave???
Now that he has all his eggs in his basket that I have also sacrified quality of life for and contributed emotionally and financially to helping him achieve what essentially were his goals and dreams.. what he was good at... he wants to divorce and fuck off???????

The only reason I post here is he is a well known member and looks up to many of you here and many of you up to him. Many of you are part of our lives. For the last few years I have encouraged him with setting up his grow, have contibuted financially and been there every step of the way, taking the risk, living an isolated life.
I know there are fucked up people in the world that dont care what they do but this is a good person who many people have given so much for. I'm afraid. And so goddam sad. I don't know what the fuck has happened to the person I would rather die for than not be with.
What do you think. Is this fair??
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It is not fair.

He probably is bipolar and a dick. The only way anyone will respect you is if you respect yourself.

Stand up for your rights as a woman, mother and wife. If he cannot accept that you have feelings, needs, and basic rights as a human being, then you should leave him.

Pack up your things and your daughter and go somewhere that you are loved and respected.

If he is in ANY way in love with you, he will make a move. If he has no love for you, he will let you leave and leave you be.

Either way, you are better off.
 
Flaming Pie

Flaming Pie

Well-Known Member
Of course your love for him will make you feel like you are NOT better off.

Trust my when I say, there is a UNIVERSE of difference between a partner that reciprocates love and a partner who doesn't.

My relationship changed so much with my husband when I decided my life was worth more than cold shoulders, lazy sex and rude remarks.

If he hadn't changed, I was seriously considering leaving or having an affair. I actually started to fool around a bit and then realized, that was not who I wanted to be. So I told him he has to change or I would have no love for him.

8-9 years of not getting a return for your love will make you sick. It is stressful, and life is too short to spend constantly arguing, ignoring, and being unfullfilled.

12 years is long enough. Respect yourself. You deserve love. Your daughter deserves to live in a house of love. Take love. Reject the rest.
 
abe supercro

abe supercro

Well-Known Member
@Iloveskywalkerog i recall clayton's story,
but knew when reading it that it was a fictional parody. to jump from a few details in that story to this story is a stretch. if anyone mentioned Clayton in here, it's because he may take the time to invent a story like this perhaps, but unlikely.
 
Indagrow

Indagrow

Well-Known Member
If luke only put as much effort in connecting dots to a possible troll as he did with filling out resumes we would all be better off.

For you a job to concentrate and succeed in every day.

For us, you have a job all day

Don't feel bad CB is one of the best




Which leads me back to the OPs husband has claimed he is one of the best growers in the world, there are only few so vane as to state that, someone who thinks they are always right..
 
qwizoking

qwizoking

Well-Known Member
Hehe shit it is me!

I was hoping it would be a ub, not that ub cause...obviously

Ooh ooh oooh
No....hyroot
Hmmmm
 
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RainbowBrite86

RainbowBrite86

Well-Known Member
I know 12 years is a long time. And I know that you've put a lot of work into your marriage. And I would even venture to say that leaving a comfortable bubble where your expenses are paid for by in-laws is going to be scary and certainly plays a part in your decision. (I'm not being mean, that's a comfort that you've grown accustomed to, it's not something easily left behind. It's scary to leave comfort zones.) But this is your life. This is your only life. This is your daughter's only life. Get the hell out of there and spend the rest of it happy. You paid your dues and they weren't and won't be refunded. Cut your losses and go. Just my opinion.
 
Flaming Pie

Flaming Pie

Well-Known Member
farsyt said:
Right now at this moment in time I would rather just be dead.
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Your marriage is causing you to feel this way. Ask yourself, is this how marriage is supposed to be?

You feel as if you have failed, but the reality is you have done all anyone could do. It is time to stop wishing for a miracle and take care of yourself and your daughter.
 
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