All your shitty jokes

bam0813

bam0813

Well-Known Member
The high school wrestling standout and his coach we’re getting ready to wrestle at the state championships . They’ve been cautiously studying a new undefeated Dagistani wrestler whos in the opposing teams roster. This dude was 21-0 all by submission by pretzel choke. Not a single opponent has ever escaped once he locked it in. After watching hours of film they decided it was all he had but it was a must to avoid it at all costs and hopefully they wouldn’t even draw his card but they would rely on his wrestling IQ to avoid being trapped if it was. Well championship day came and the arena was packed with electricity. As fate would have it, they drew the Dagestanis card. The kid is visibly shaken at the draw and the coach keeps reminding him of the game plan and his own skills and just avoid the pretzel hold and he’s going to be a school legend. The kid puffs up and regains his confidence and heads to the mat, the crowd is deafening . The whistle blows and almost instantly the Dagestani grabs him like a grizzly grabs a baby elk, and slaps the pretzel on him. Theres an audible gasp from the crowd, the coach grimaced and turned his back not even able to watch his boy in the painful hold. The crowd went silent and then suddenly started cheering at the tops of their lungs. Coach is puzzled and turns around to see his wrestlers arm being raised . He couldn’t believe it , he got out ! The coach runs out and hoists his champ onto his shoulder and carries him of the mat. He says son i can’t believe it I couldn’t watch and turned away when i saw the terror and pain in your face when he locked you up.Tell me what happened. The kid says , well i thought i was about to die, it was brutal. Just before i was about to pass out I opened my eyes and saw a big set of balls hanging in my face . I was desperate so I bit the balls as hard as I could. The coach was stunned and semi disappointed his wrestler cheated. You bit the guys balls son?!? The coach asked. The kid says no sir but you wouldn’t believe how strong I got when I bit my own.
 
shnkrmn

shnkrmn

Well-Known Member
bam0813 said:
The high school wrestling standout and his coach we’re getting ready to wrestle at the state championships . They’ve been cautiously studying a new undefeated Dagistani wrestler whos in the opposing teams roster. This dude was 21-0 all by submission by pretzel choke. Not a single opponent has ever escaped once he locked it in. After watching hours of film they decided it was all he had but it was a must to avoid it at all costs and hopefully they wouldn’t even draw his card but they would rely on his wrestling IQ to avoid being trapped if it was. Well championship day came and the arena was packed with electricity. As fate would have it, they drew the Dagestanis card. The kid is visibly shaken at the draw and the coach keeps reminding him of the game plan and his own skills and just avoid the pretzel hold and he’s going to be a school legend. The kid puffs up and regains his confidence and heads to the mat, the crowd is deafening . The whistle blows and almost instantly the Dagestani grabs him like a grizzly grabs a baby elk, and slaps the pretzel on him. Theres an audible gasp from the crowd, the coach grimaced and turned his back not even able to watch his boy in the painful hold. The crowd went silent and then suddenly started cheering at the tops of their lungs. Coach is puzzled and turns around to see his wrestlers arm being raised . He couldn’t believe it , he got out ! The coach runs out and hoists his champ onto his shoulder and carries him of the mat. He says son i can’t believe it I couldn’t watch and turned away when i saw the terror and pain in your face when he locked you up.Tell me what happened. The kid says , well i thought i was about to die, it was brutal. Just before i was about to pass out I opened my eyes and saw a big set of balls hanging in my face . I was desperate so I bit the balls as hard as I could. The coach was stunned and semi disappointed his wrestler cheated. You bit the guys balls son?!? The coach asked. The kid says no sir but you wouldn’t believe how strong I got when I bit my own.
Click to expand...
Exquisitely bad joke. Kudos and huzzah!
 
TaoRich

TaoRich

Well-Known Member
Two guys grow-up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why Hooters?"

"They have those servers with big boobs, tight shorts, and gorgeous legs."

"You're on."

At age 42, they meet and play golf again. "Where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

“Again? Why?"

"They have a cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."

"OK."

At age 52 they meet and play again.

"So where you wanna go for lunch?"

"Hooters.”

"Why?”

"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."

"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."

"Good choice"


At age 72 they meet again.

Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."

"Great choice."


At age 82 they meet and play again.

"Where should we go for lunch?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Because we've never been there before."

"Okay, let’s give it a try."
 
A

ALPHA.GanjaGuy

Well-Known Member
what do you call a deer with no eyes -- no eye deer
what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs -- still no eye deer
what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs getting it on with it's baby mamma/daddy deer -- still no fucking eye deer
 
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