I was born, best that I can reckon, with some sort of depressive disorder. I have always been a strong individual to a point - I had my own opinions since kindergarten and the teachers were often unable to cope with that. Eventually I got tired of the workload designed to ingrain in my peers and I the virtues of mindless repetitive work and a lot of empty threats and mental abuse ensued, resulting in shitloads of anxiety and even though I didn't know it wasn't normal or right, a lot of panic attacks related to just going to school. That's what I get for being smarter than the pack.
If that wasn't enough to make for interesting character features in a young person, I was raped, coerced, mentally, physically, and verbally abused for more than half a decade by someone who was supposed to be my best friend. Again, even though I didn't know what was going on, or how to handle it, it caused me a lot of problems. I was able to repress it for a while, and then a few years later I had to tell someone and it all came rushing back to the surface. Needless to say, I've been suicidal for longer than I can remember but for some reason I just can't quit yet.
I was lucky enough to be around it at a party once. The social awkwardness, anxiety, and stress of being me faded and suddenly I was a social butterfly with a sense of humor and would you believe, charm? Ever since that party, I've been a pot head and a medical user. I use heavy sativa strains to give me the motivation, contentment, and soothing required to act and feel like a normal person ought to.
Some people accuse me of using it as a crutch. I feel annoyed that I have to explain to adults who should know better that when a person has a broken leg, using a crutch is quite typical.
Marijuana gives me my life back and when I don't have it I get suicidal, hopeless, stressed out, I feel worthless, and ending it is the only thing I can think of. When I use it regularly I become responsible, motivated, outgoing, content, fulfilled, inspired, and productive.
I tried to seek treatment for my condition but you would not believe how difficult it is to motivate yourself not to mention the impossibility of getting an appointment with a psych as a poor person. As an anarchist I have resolved myself to the fact that I must take responsibility for my own condition and self treatment is my only reasonable option.
Considering that almost all commercial pharmaceutical prescription medicines are known to cause the symptoms they are supposed to treat, that most are hurried through a corrupt and inept FDA approval process, are typically composed of toxic substances that negatively impact your body's chemistry, and cost a fucking shit-ton of money and that marijuana has not even one negative side effect that I have ever experienced... it only makes sense that I secure access to the only medicine that is safe, effective, free (if DIY), and fun to cultivate.
This is why I use it and why I may someday die for it at the hands of the enforcers of this capitalist system that runs the country and the world I live in.
The profit system has fostered a variety of oppressive forces that have greatly impacted my life for the worse and it is the only thing standing in the way of peace, justice, and a sustainable future. We must legalize marijuana and we must destroy Capitalism. Justice for patients and families and Capitalism cannot coexist.
Capitalism has become the source of so much grief, and has effected me considerably. From the oppressive and dominating public school system that was trying to beat kids into the exploitable workers the system needs to exist, to the sexist and authoritarian attitudes that were socialized into my rapist's mind by the society he lived in, I have felt the misery of the Capitalist system on a deep and personal level.
Fuck the racist, sexist, homophobic Capitalist system and the anti-democratic unJustice system that protects it and legitimizes its' existence.
This why I do my best every day and every moment to subvert the system and stay healthy and alive by smoking pot. Thanks for reading this much, it meant a lot to me.
in hand now.
