I'm on day 3 and down to 3mg of suboxone. I heard about those opiate blocker implants. All it is is a really really high dose of bupenorphine (the opiate in suboxone) slowly released everyday like a mega ER tablet. Now if I really cant control myself Ill consider it but that seems reall really really super duper fucked imo.
The worst part of getting clean honestley is all the supressed emotion. As for thedocs08 posts about woman they did make me LOL honestley. I was the same way...
Bros before hoe's woman will never get me down. I was pretty aqwered with woman till I was about 17ish when I finally had my first sexual experience (I know...very late...dont need to hear it) and it made me alot less aqwered. The problem was I already meet this mystery woman of mine before then. She was younger than me but was already pretty matured and had a few seuxal experiences plus drop dead georgous. When I first meet her I was just so shy! I failed in lack of better terms and got in that dreaded "friend zone". At first I realyl didnt care. But after a while I realised "I really really like her".
After about a yrish of being friends, one night at my house we opened up. Turns out I wasnt alone in my feelings and she started confessing things that both made me happy and upset. Afterwards we made out and shit but she stopped me from going further just because of the moment was super emotional. The next day.....idk I got super shy again and slowly we started going back to that friend thing. Afte that I fell into this deep deep depression and started abusing heroin and oxys. Slowly she started getting mroe self destructive too with cocaine, sex with asshole guys (and woman -.-), and a straight alcholic. We were poison for each other.
Now to sum up the rest of what happend without a novel, by the time I manned up I was akready a dope fiend and broke which was a major turn off. She was all coked out and fucked up doing all kinds of whoreish things and I would get mad at her and not talk to her. At first it really bothered her and she confessed she lvoed me too and it killked her I thought of her as a whore, but after a while of her continueing this behavior....I like...gave up on her. I couldnt be just friends, but she couldnt be more (most of the time)....last time I saw her she is just like this empty shell. She's there physically, but not there at the same time. It killed me....idk all I can hope for is that while I get my life together she takes some of what I wrote her a few days ago to heart and try to clean herself up as well. Fml.
Its fucked too...cause Im almost 20, not that shy little boy anymore (ive had sex with laot of woman and even a few threesomes and hookers) and like....when I think of her...I get fluttered with emotions. Love ofc but also rage for fucking with my heart ofr so many years. All in the mean time finding out my father raped my sister and basically giving up on him....I guess you can see how heroin became a crutch from reality for me.
In conclusion, the moral of the story is....always wait 40 minutes after you eat to go swimming.