What's Up Jersey Growers?

racerboy71

bud bootlegger
If it's in October maybe i can go as a slightly early B-day gift to myself.

That would be the shit..

Keep us inform wouldya. I wouldn't mind being at a fest with like minded people, Plus weed seems to be the Only substance that DOES NOT ruin or interfere with my Day to day life.

That's the Gods honest truth right there.
lol on that last comment worm, and i agree.. i've had my issues with hard drugs in the past, and let me tell you that they are a road to no where pretty much.. but weed, i can smoke it every day, and usually do, and it does nothing to interfere with my day to day goings on.. and in fact, a lot of time, i think weed helps to motivate me, especially a nice sativa like a haze.. i would smoke a nice bowl at lunch time at work, then i would come back in and start to clean the entire press and the work area and shit.. start mopping the floor and all, lol.. but if i wasn't smoking, fuck that, i wasn't cleaning poo..
 

worm5376

Well-Known Member
Word word. I'm battling Demons On a day to day basis . It becomes mentally physically draining for me.

I've lost my fiancé of 4 years over certain substances, amongst other things and it's a hard way to live your life.

When i smoke weed everything is good, life is good, work is fun and i am motivated to complete every task i have that need to be dealt with.

It's the way to go man. +rep Homie.

lol on that last comment worm, and i agree.. i've had my issues with hard drugs in the past, and let me tell you that they are a road to no where pretty much.. but weed, i can smoke it every day, and usually do, and it does nothing to interfere with my day to day goings on.. and in fact, a lot of time, i think weed helps to motivate me, especially a nice sativa like a haze.. i would smoke a nice bowl at lunch time at work, then i would come back in and start to clean the entire press and the work area and shit.. start mopping the floor and all, lol.. but if i wasn't smoking, fuck that, i wasn't cleaning poo..
 

racerboy71

bud bootlegger
Word word. I'm battling Demons On a day to day basis . It becomes mentally physically draining for me.

I've lost my fiancé of 4 years over certain substances, amongst other things and it's a hard way to live your life.

When i smoke weed everything is good, life is good, work is fun and i am motivated to complete every task i have that need to be dealt with.

It's the way to go man. +rep Homie.
i've also had my demons in my past worm.. started out using coke, than graduated to ready rock, than i went to get my phd in drug use and started using heroin.. i also lost my girl friend of 7 years due basically to my drug use, and of course all of the lies i had to tell her to cover my use, but it was basically over my drug use.. our last night as a couple, i was with a buddy of mine, and took 8 blue zannies, and blacked out and crashed my car into a tree not too far from her house.. all i remember of the night was being handcuffed to the hospital bed, and of course he dumping me on the ride home from the police dpt in the morning the day after.. how i ever regret loosing her every day.. and the worst part is that she is now dating someone whom i think is more of a loser than i was.. it just makes me so sick to think about to be completely honest..
but i've been clean now for ten years, but of course i still smoke the ganja, but i don't really consider that to be a drug to be honest.. and i don't really drink much anymore cuz it always makes me want to run out and do coke, and well, i can't be having any of that at this point in my life..
 

racerboy71

bud bootlegger
edit.. i just reread my last post.. and i meant to say her dumping me and not he, just to clarify things, lol.. not that there is anything wrong with being gay, its just that i'm not, lol..
 

worm5376

Well-Known Member
Weed is a substance and not a drug, not to me. It's funny how you used the word "graduated" in the same way I do.

I'm happy you beat the odds man, not to many people beat the odds so it's good to hear a winner. This is the one scenario where failing is the best way to go so to speak.
 

racerboy71

bud bootlegger
Weed is a substance and not a drug, not to me. It's funny how you used the word "graduated" in the same way I do.

I'm happy you beat the odds man, not to many people beat the odds so it's good to hear a winner. This is the one scenario where failing is the best way to go so to speak.
yah, i consider myself very fortunate to be honest with you.. i know it sucks that i lost my girl over it, but atleast i still have my life.. i knew this dude that i worked with, and he made me look like i was straight edge, lol.. he did tons of benzo's on top of shooting dope and coke for year.. he eventually got clean, and was clean for i wanna say a year or two.. met a nice new girl while he was getting clean, starting dating her, and they had just bought a new condo together and had moved in.. well, his son was staying the night with him and his girl one night, and his girl went to bed, and my boy was on the computer.. all of a sudden, his son goes into his girl and said that daddy was slumped over the computer and not moving.. dude fucking just dropped out just like that from a heart attack after being clean for a year or two.. all of the wreckage of his past had finally caught up with him, and he paid with his life, even though he was clean at the time.. that shit fucked me up pretty good as i was friendly with him and all, and he was clean and shit when it happened.. people think that once you're clean, life is a bed of roses, but let me be the first to tell you that life still happens, clean or not.. to say that his girl was a mess over the whole thing is a huge understatement.. dude was only i think 34 at the time, but like i said, he couldn't out run his past...
 

mystifiedbongs

Well-Known Member
i just lost a very close friend a month ago from H od, like you guys, i had my issues with hard drugs, about 4 years of cocaine and crack abuse. it was a 150$ a day habit and it was costing me my life. i was robbed at gun point, barrel to the face and from that day on i never touched the white stuff again. nothing like fearing for your life to put things in perspective. i will never regret that situation because it saved my life. i didnt even smoke weed for 5 months after. but i came to my senses and love the plant we call marijuana. i still experiment with hallucinatory substances but thats more a spiritual thing. stay clean, stay alive, and you get to stay smokin weed
 

worm5376

Well-Known Member
To the OP, I am sorry that it looks like we are thread jacking but I assure you this is just reall talk.

Racer, you ever have dreams that you used again and wake up mad, thinking maybe you did use in real life?

That story is sad and tragic. Things like that make me wonder if I will be spared more time once alls said and done.
I can't win this battle if I feel I will lose reguardless if I am clean or not. That's a freightning scenario to me
(As it should be)

The fucked up thing is when I was with my wifey, I was affraid to get help thinking she would leave me, feeling like she would view me as weak and incapable of winning this battle. That backfired on me in the most fucked up way but it's giving me time to get my shit together.

I think about her everynight, as the wound is still fresh.

I keep a picture of her,her daughter, my daughter and I on my night stand to remind me what I have lost over this shit.
I love her, I am honored to have met her and been with her. Her leaving was her way of saying I was better then this.

What was once something great turned into something tragic and I feel ashamed that I was unable to rise to the occasion. Be the man that I should have been.

Right now I am aiming for progress, NOT perfection, thus where people tend to feel defeated.
Knowing that now helps me to realize that this is not and overnight battle.

Taking it day by day and remembering what I can lose and what I have lost is what drives me.

I am ashamed that it came to this but I have to face the music now.

yah, i consider myself very fortunate to be honest with you.. i know it sucks that i lost my girl over it, but atleast i still have my life.. i knew this dude that i worked with, and he made me look like i was straight edge, lol.. he did tons of benzo's on top of shooting dope and coke for year.. he eventually got clean, and was clean for i wanna say a year or two.. met a nice new girl while he was getting clean, starting dating her, and they had just bought a new condo together and had moved in.. well, his son was staying the night with him and his girl one night, and his girl went to bed, and my boy was on the computer.. all of a sudden, his son goes into his girl and said that daddy was slumped over the computer and not moving.. dude fucking just dropped out just like that from a heart attack after being clean for a year or two.. all of the wreckage of his past had finally caught up with him, and he paid with his life, even though he was clean at the time.. that shit fucked me up pretty good as i was friendly with him and all, and he was clean and shit when it happened.. people think that once you're clean, life is a bed of roses, but let me be the first to tell you that life still happens, clean or not.. to say that his girl was a mess over the whole thing is a huge understatement.. dude was only i think 34 at the time, but like i said, he couldn't out run his past...
 

worm5376

Well-Known Member
I feel for you man. I am sorry for your lost. Its sad that it ruins lives.

Now more then ever I have to do whatever I have to do to win the war within me.



i just lost a very close friend a month ago from H od, like you guys, i had my issues with hard drugs, about 4 years of cocaine and crack abuse. it was a 150$ a day habit and it was costing me my life. i was robbed at gun point, barrel to the face and from that day on i never touched the white stuff again. nothing like fearing for your life to put things in perspective. i will never regret that situation because it saved my life. i didnt even smoke weed for 5 months after. but i came to my senses and love the plant we call marijuana. i still experiment with hallucinatory substances but thats more a spiritual thing. stay clean, stay alive, and you get to stay smokin weed
 

racerboy71

bud bootlegger
I feel for you man. I am sorry for your lost. Its sad that it ruins lives.

Now more then ever I have to do whatever I have to do to win the war within me.
once again to the op, sorry about hi jacking your thread m8, but sometimes things need to be said, and it shouldn't really matter where they are said, so long as the message gets out there, so i hope you don't mind too much..
anyhoo's, worm its all up to you if you want to get clean.. it took me loosing a lot of things that i cared greatly about, and still to this day do, before i could even think about getting clean.. i had tried in the past for her, for my parents, for everyone but me, and of course it didn't work..
it wasn't until the day that i found out that my ex had her first kid that i finally decided to get clean.. something in my head snapped into place, and i realized here i was still using, trying to kill the pain of everything, and at the same time, life was passing me by.. life was still going on for everyone else, my girl had moved on, people were still getting up and going on with their life every day, but here i was stuck in this rut, not going any where but backwards, and in the blink of any eye, 5 or more years had passed my by, and i realized that i basically had two choices in life, to keep using, and end up in more jails, institutions like rehabs and hospitals, if i was lucky that is, or dead pretty much.. they were more choices if i were to continue to use, and if i tried to say other wise, i knew i was only trying to fool myself..
so, my only other option was to get clean, to stop using, and to get on with my life the way that i knew it was supposed to be lived.. getting up every day, facing the world for what it is, the good and the bad, and to simply go through the day without having to put a chemical in my body to get through it.. i never thought that i could do it, but fuck man, i was simply getting older each and every day that i kept using.. i couldn't imagine sitting back and watching another say 5 or 10 or even 20 years of my life flash by and me still be doing the same stupid ass shit and keep getting the same stupid ass results... i didn't want to wake up and be a 50 year old man knowing that i had just wasted the best years of my life on some real bullshit like a drug addiction... trust me, it was hard enough to wake up at 30 and try and start a new life, and it still is.. some days i feel like i'll never met a good girl and start a family, as it seems like all of the girls my age are either married, or have kids, or both.. but i know that there is someone out there for me.. but i can only imagine how i would feel if i were say 50 instead of 30 when i got clean.. it would be a real nightmare.. if i were even lucky enough to live to be that long... idk, getting clean was simply the hardest thing that i've ever had to do in my life, but at the end of the day it was completely worth it.. i have gained my self respect back, not to mention the trust of the people who are the closest to me like my mother, the one whom i never thought would ever trust me again.. and today i have a wonderful relationship with my nephew.. i am pretty much his father figure, and its such a great feeling knowing that he looks up to me.. it is something that i know i would never of had the chance to experience had i not gotten clean.. nor would i have wanted to have been bothered with it to be honest.. when i was using, it was all about me, and only me.. i didn't care whom i hurt, and who i had to steal from to get what i needed, so long as i got what i needed in the end, it was worth it to me back then..
things today have changed... life is no longer all about just me.. i try to be the best son i can to my mom, and i try and be the best uncle / father figure to my nephew, and although the rewards aren't tangible and i can't hold them in my hands, i know that they are there none the less, and they fill my soul way more than drugs ever could..
now don't get me wrong, life still happens, and i still have bad days, some really bad days at that.. i got laid off from my job recently, and i've been super depressed over it... but you know what, i'm free, i'm not sitting in some fucking jail cell like i was when i was using, and i have a roof over my head and people in my life who care about me and want to see me do good, all of which i also never had when i was using.. shit happens, but i don't have to use because of any of it, that only makes more shit for me to have to deal with.. for me to stop using, i had realized that the pain that i was trying to cover of say loosing my girl, was now less then the pain i was creating for myself by using drugs, so it just seemed completely stupid to me.. it really came down to no longer wanting to be in pain every day anymore, and i knew that must of my pain was self inflicted, so to stop the pain, i had to stop doing the things that caused pain for me, which basically all came from my using and all of the bs that came from using.. once i realized this, it was pretty much game over for me..
and the way i look at my friend who died.. yah, he is dead and gone, worm food if you will, but atleast he had those last two or three years clean and got to experience and live life the way it was meant to be lived.. he died loved by a great girl and had his son back in his life, both of which i know never would have happened had he never gotten clean.. so although he is dead and buried, atleast he had those few good years and got to see what life should have been like for him from the get go.. he had those few great years of love and happiness that otherwise would have been two or three more years of pain and bullshit and all of the other shit that comes along with a life of active addiction.. and for that, i am grateful..

ok ok.. rant over, and once again sorry to the op, but i always feel like if my pain and history can help even one person, then it was well worth my having to live it to be able to help that person..
 

BflexNJshore

Well-Known Member
Hey guys, I totally forgot about this thread! Seems it took a different turn there! ANYWAYS whats the good word? Im into day 45 of a SLH aero/nft hybrid. Used a blackstart 240w LED for 7 weeks of veg and a 600w hps and they are now very STICKY! LED is really the way to go! Using Hesi nutes was the best decision....EVER!
 

gopherbuddah

Well-Known Member
Hey guys, I totally forgot about this thread! Seems it took a different turn there! ANYWAYS whats the good word? Im into day 45 of a SLH aero/nft hybrid. Used a blackstart 240w LED for 7 weeks of veg and a 600w hps and they are now very STICKY! LED is really the way to go! Using Hesi nutes was the best decision....EVER!
i got an lsd that's almost done. show me your's i'll show you mine
 
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