You need a tape recorder ... and transcribe later ...
BUT most of ALL ...
You also need a very long time away from drugs ...
period ... to reset yourself .... as YOU are not experiencing what YOU should ...at dosage
A
heave duty detox .... recalibration of
body and mind ...
You need to digest every chemical experience YOU have been a part of .....
sober .... as to give yourself time to make sense of it all ...
Then and only then YOU might progress to the next level ... and
YOU will be KING ... cause at Your age .... YOU have wicked potential ... and capabilities ...
Have YOU ever considered the fact that because you have skipped so many grades .... (your intellect is apparent) you are essentially an outcast who does not belong with aged peers and hence .....You self medicate ... with drugs .... looking to fit IN ?
Who in YOUr life accepts YOU for who YOU are ? Do you have any friends your age ?
Perhaps YOU are in pain ... and do not even know it ... as you self medicate .... under the pretext of research ... ?
(this is all food for thought)
You do not need any of what I have mentioned ... just think about it ... and answer to yourself.
As here I am just pushing buttons.
And remember ... YOU are the beast !
And have the capacity to pick UP after Sasha ...
You are that good !
But not on current path.