A Guy Walks Into A Bar...

ohmy

ohmy

Well-Known Member
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
OK gloves are off

What's red and sits in a corner? Baby sucking on a razor blade.
What's blue and sits in a corner? Baby playing in a plastic bag.
What's green and sitis in a corner? Either of the above babies two weeks later.

Why do you put a baby into a wood chipper feet first? So you can watch the expression on its face.
What's red and green and goes 100 miles an hour? Frog in a blender.
cn
 
ohmy

ohmy

Well-Known Member
An irish man is rowing a boat in a field of hay.
Another irish man drives past and stops.
he looks at the irish man and in the boat and says
its thick cunts like you that give us irish a bad name.
I would come over there and kick fuck out of you if i could swim
 
ohmy

ohmy

Well-Known Member
A chav girl goes to the doctor complaining of astrange green rash on her inner thighs.
The doctor takes one look and says Tell your boyfriend his gold earrings are fake
 
^NoR*CaL@420

^NoR*CaL@420

Well-Known Member
cannabineer said:
OK gloves are off


cn
Click to expand...
Bring it!!!




whats black and blue and hates sex? the 5yr old in my closet
whats the best thing about 25yr olds? ther are 20 of them
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH CN'S BABY AFTER THE CHIPPER? get a straw and slurp up
how do you unload a truck full of dead babies? Pitch fork Duh!

whats orange and blue? a baby at the bottom of the pool with popped floaties
whats orange, blue, and green? same baby a week later
 
ohmy

ohmy

Well-Known Member
A 6 year old kid comes home from school and sits down on the couch next 2 his dad,
the dad asks how his first day of school went. The kid replied,
good, but all the kids kept talking about a vagina, and I�m not sure what that is.
The dad told the kid the vagina is a beautiful thing before sex it looks like a beautiful rose in bloom,
the kid asked well what does it looks like after sex the dad proceeded to tell him,
well son, have ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Stapled to the monkey.
Why did the duck fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks.
cn
 
ohmy

ohmy

Well-Known Member
Three drunks sitting at a bar discussing who was the most drunk drunk the previous day
1st drunk says i was so drunk last night i went home and blew chunks
2nd drunk says Thats nothing! I was so drunk last night i drove home crashed into a tree
kicked my front door down and woke up in the garden
3rd drunk says Thats nothing! I was so drunk last night I stole a police car drove it into my house
threw the TV out of the window and wet the bed
The 1st drunk says I dont think you understood me Chunks is my dog
 
DSB65

DSB65

Well-Known Member
Did you know 75% of the gay population were born that way? The other 25% were sucked into it.
 
^NoR*CaL@420

^NoR*CaL@420

Well-Known Member
cannabineer said:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Stapled to the monkey.
Why did the duck fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks.
cn
Click to expand...

dammit asshole lets party!
 
ohmy

ohmy

Well-Known Member
Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what's your revenge, your on the rag.
 
Brick Top

Brick Top

New Member
An old hillbilly and his son are sitting on their front porch and their old hound dog is lying between them. The son looks down and sees the dog licking his dick and says, Gee daddy, I sure wish I could do that. The father replies, I wouldn't do that if I were you, son. That dog might bite you.
 
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