All your shitty jokes

solakani said:

What is the result of rubbing two oranges together?

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Pulp Friction

My partner said to me what starts with F and ends in K.

I said no it doesn’t.

When god came for the dinosaurs, was it a velocirapture?

What has five toes but isn't your foot?


My foot.

I heard its real difficult to stand and spell “run” while touching your toes.

Why did the officer arrest the duck. For selling quack.

“ where do bad rainbows go ?

To prism ,it’s a light sentence but gives them time to reflect “

Albert Einstein was genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

Horror spelled backwards is a Scooby Doo impression.

Cowboy contraceptive: put a rock in your boot and it makes you limp

In my day, blowin' a tranny, meant car problems.

This biker was is sitting at a bar staring at his drink when a large, troublemaking biker sits next to him grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The troublemakers says “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” menacingly, the other biker suddenly burst into tears.“Oh, come on, man,” the troublemaker biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I hate seeing a man cry.”“This is the worst day of my life,” the biker said. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. I go to the parking lot to ride home and noticed my bike had been stolen and I don’t have any bike insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bits me.”“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to my life. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule of poison in my drink as I am sitting here watching the poison dissolve; you show up and drink my entire drink! Then he looks at the troublemaker and said enough about me, how’s your day going?”

I told my doctor I'm having a problem in my left ear.

Are you sure? He said.

Yea i'm definite.