He is a god!
If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume.
Both sides of his pillow are cool.
When in Rome, they do as he does.
He once had an awkward moment... just to see what it felt like.
He can speak French... in Russian
His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man’s jaw.
He’s won trophies for his game face alone.
He bowls… Overhand.
He is the life of parties he has never attended
If he were to punch you in the face, you’d have to fight off the urge to thank him.
Sharks have a week dedicated to him.
Police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s body.
If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
The pheromones he secretes effect people miles away… in a slight, but measurable way.
He owns 4 sports cars, and rents 5.
He was the featured man at a bachelorette auction he brought in over 13 million euro, under the table.
His personality is so magnetic; he is unable to carry credit cards.
Even his enemy’s list him as there emergency contact.
He never say’s anything taste like chicken…not even chicken.
His charm is so contagious, vaccines we’re created for it.
Years ago, he created a city out of blocks. Today over 600,000 people live and work there.
He is the only person to ever ace a Rorschach Test.
Every time he goes for a swim dolphins appear... and he can speak to them!
Alien abductors have asked him to probe them.
His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder.
His reputation is expanding, faster than the universe.
He lives vicariously through himself.
He’s been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into a room.
He’s a lover…not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
He has won the lifetime achievement award...twice.
He once traveled to and explored the Virgin Islands, when he left they were just "The Islands"
He once brought a knife to a gunfight, just to even the odds.
He can speak braille
If he slept with your girlfriend...you would brag to your buddies.
He was once pulled over for speeding, but he let the officer off with just a warning
As a child, when asked by a teacher, "What would you like to be when you grow up"? He Answered, "Myself"
He is always on time... Yet somehow arrives fashionably late
Once, the eye of a passing hurricane winked at him
A movie about his life cannot be completed, no one wants it to end.
He is the only person Chuck Norris has apologized to
He once lapped his opponent in a drag race
He has crossed the point of no return - on several occasions.
If at first he does not succeed, then it is impossible.
When life gives him lemons...he makes Champagne.
The Loch Ness Monster thinks he is a myth.
He once thought he made a mistake, but was mistaken.
His mother has a tattoo that says SON
His to-do list says, "Done."
When he looks into the mirror, his reflection gives him a thumbs up.
He once asked a woman to say 'NO' to him, so he could understand rejection.
He counts his chickens before they hatch...and they always hatch
The circus ran away to join him.
Santa Claus sits on HIS lap.
HE KNOW'S VICTORIA'S SECRET.
He has his moments...all the time.
He once went to a sporting event and the players cheered him.
If he were to read the phone book to you, you would be on the edge of your seat.
His word is worth a thousand picture.
Women leave the seat up for him.
He makes the phrase "a whole new meaning" take on a whole new meaning.
He once lead a horse to water, and made him drink.
He considers the practicing of any skill to be a form of cheating.
He is always on the right side of the tracks, even if he crossed to the other side, he'd still be on the right side.
He would take on any challenge, if there were one.
He has never learned from a mistake...because he has never made one.
Sharks have a week dedicated to him!
He once took a knife to a gun fight just to even the odds.
Once he was pulled over for speeding, but he let the officer off with just a warning.
When he was in school, teachers signed up to take his classes
He puts his pants on both legs at a time.
He was voted most popular in a high school he never attended.
The whales want to save him.
He once explored the Virgin Islands. When he left they were just called "the Islands"
People hang on his every word, even his prepositions
He is the Best Man at every wedding he attends.
He never discusses politics. Except when asked for advice by world leaders.
His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.
