Oh my god sorry for all these posts but I just remembered a very funny one. Okay so me and my friend were at QT, just getting drinks, leaving my other friend behind because he was simply 'too baked to go into public for any reason ever' So were we. lol so we go in there and we get our drinks, randomly chuckling throught. Kinda have our cool, whatevs. then this ABNORMALLY LARGE FAT MAN comes in, and goes straight for the kit kats, then he picks up the whole box of them, and goes to the cash lady(who is also laughing) but as he moves to the side you see his kid grabbing a huge collage of candy. Oh my god that was the funniest shit ever. My friend lost it and ran out of the store laughing soooo hard. then I was stranded at the counter. I bought my drink. Laughing my ass off. The fat dude gave me a dirty look. I've hated fat people since.
just kidding I love you fatsoes
My god this shit is fucking funny. It's going to take me a little while to remember all the funny shit I've laughed at over the years but one thing that I always come back to is when I'm with this one friend that I've been friends with since high school...
So there's a lot of background info on this story. Just bear with it. So me, my buddy (1) , and my other buddy (2) were driving around looking for a good place to smoke. Mind you, pretty much every place is a good spot to smoke at in my area but we like our privacy and no scavenger smokers
lol. Our favorite spot is on top of the roof of 2's dad's office building that we managed to get a table and some lawn chairs on top of. Needless to say we got drunk and high there all the time.
Anyways we were trying to get to this spot and this was when all of our tolerances were all pretty low. We had just drank about 6 beers each and smoked about a quarter of DANK Dream Queen that we bought from the club. So we park kind of far away since 2 wants to check out the office building to see if there are any people still working there since of course we want to drink and smoke more. Me and 1 wait behind these dumpsters for 2 a few blocks away from the office building.. While we're doing this we really have to take a piss since we've been drinking Arizonas and beers and had been driving for a little bit. Then while I was pushing my piss out, like clenching my groin muscles and shit, I realize I really needed to fart. I look at 1, and say, "Dude, don't you really have to fart right now?" (We had just gotten burritos). While I'm saying 'now' I let out a serious butt flapper which immediately cracks 1 up.. this fool starts backing up cracking up while he's still peeing and almost pisses on his own shoes. I keep laughing and shit because of what he almost does and the effort of laughing only makes me fart even more which of course makes 1 laugh even more (and he actually does piss a little bit on his shoes). Then after we calm down a little bit and 1 manages to put his dick away (it was dark I didn't see shit) and stops crying.. I zip up my pants and look down.. this fool is standing in a puddle of my piss since he backed away from the dumpsters downslope. We both noticed this at the same time and laugh.. fucking rolling on the ground and crying (away from the dumpsters this time) until 2 shows up. He asks us what we're laughing about and we're unable to tell him until we've climbed on top of the roof of the office building (which was like 4 stories tall and we had to take an external ladder. I can't believe how many times we did this shit drunk and nobody got hurt).
Good fucking times.
I'll put more up eventually when I remember them.
Edit: Ah, okay here's a good one. So my friends and I used to get Pho all the time (best stoner food) which for those who don't know, is basically a bigass bowl of daaaaank Vietnamese rice noodles with some amazing broth. I don't know what goes into it but it's dank. Whenever we did this shit we'd get Thai Iced tea with tapioca pearls (boba). One day, though, we got the idea of using the straws to shoot sticky, gooey tapioca pearls at people after we had just blazed like a full gram of hash oil between the three of us. I was never really any good at it but one of my friends is a fucking boba SNIPER I swear to god. The shit that made me laugh the hardest was the first time he hit this bitch who just passed us on the expressway. My expert race car driver friend was driving so we were being safe and shit but we pulled up to the right of this bitch and my friend rolled down his window.. This shit plays like in slow mo in my brain, I was sitting in the front passenger seat and the sniper was sitting in the backseat. He leans out the window, lines up a shot with his straw, and fucking NAILS this bitch in the head so hard through the open window we heard her say like "AUghhhh?!" and felt the spot where the gooey ass pearl was sticking to her hair. Then my friend says, "GOTCHA BITCH." He falls back into his seat, we're all crying with laughter and all in disbelief. We were driving at least 50 mph to catch up to her. Ever since, we do this every time we get pho but it's just not as funny as the first time he got somebody through an open window on the highway.
The second funniest time we did this shit was when we were driving on the same highway and this fool in a black M3 passes us. We pull up next to this guy who has his windows down and,--I kid you not--this guy looks exactly like Paulie D from Jersey Shore. Obviously the sniper has to ruin Paulie's day and just like before, rolls down his window and--this shit cracks me up whenever I think about it, waits until Paulie turns and sees this straw aimed as his face. The sniper shoots him right in the fucking FOREHEAD and to this day I remember the exact look on his face and the sound he made "Eewwauuuuhghh!!" Course my friend always has to yell some kind of one liner so he says "GTL THAT, CUNT" LOL!!! We take the next exit and have to pull over because our driver is crying from laughter.
We don't do this anymore because we do realize it is a serious danger to people driving on the highway but we still shoot people with tapioca in parking lots.. only douchebags though.