Odd situation, seeking advice and input

B

boneheadbob

Well-Known Member
I should mention something else. Your life will be changed forever no matter what happens. Stepping up the the plate and`raising that child will be the most rewarding experiance in your life.
If she leaves you after a few years for the sperm donor, it may break your heart to the point it will never heal.

But the good news is that you will have proven what you are made of even if it destroys you.
I made it out, but just barely. I was actually close, real close to drinking myself to death before my head popped out of my ass and I can now stand here and say the worse thing that ever happened to me was actually the best thing to ever happen to me, I just did not realize it at the time.

I know the heartbreak and I can not tell you what to do however I can offer you advice. You are welcome to PM me. I know how serious this is. It is not a, what college should I go into, what proffesion should I seek, etc. It is much more important that
 
dam612

dam612

Well-Known Member
How old are you? Do you want that responsibility for someone who moved on so quickly after you? How old is she? Girls are dumb and don't know what it actually costs $$ and lifestyle wise to raise a child. I wouldn't want to raise a child who wasn't my genes. And if she's 6weeks, and only was with the dude for a month and your 99% sure it isnt yours she's a cheating hoe
 
mak

mak

Active Member
how long were you guys broken up until she got with someone else?
in a relationship,not sexually..

you stated they broke up a month after being together,but not how long since you two broke up
 
Beansly

Beansly

RIU Bulldog
Wow man, tough situation to be in. I guess it depends on a lot of things. Why did you guys break up in the first place? Was it scandalous or mutual? Try not to forget any of the stuff that happened a month ago.
How do you feel about her? It sounds like you might love her.
Is she someone you could see spending the rest of your life with?
Idk man, it seems awfully convenient. Did she wait till after she slept with you to tell you she was preggers? If so, that could be a red flag. I say if you love her, and you HONESTLY believe she feels the same, then I say give it a try. Being that it's not your kid, you could leave anytime without legal repercussions if worse comes to worse. I've been with a girl who had a lot of kids where it didn't feel like she really liked or wanted me. I was just the guy with the car and a job, and yeah I got attached to her kids, and yeah it was painful and sad watching their reaction as yet ANOTHER man walked out of their mother's life, but what was I supposed to do?
 
420God

420God

Well-Known Member
If you're willing to love that child as your own for the rest of eternity then go for it, otherwise no.

The girl sounds scared and alone and might use you for comfort till she feels more secure, keep that in mind.

Personally I'd get the hell away from that situation.
 
X

xKuroiTaimax

Well-Known Member
Maybe you were meant for eachother after all. If you love her, I wish you all the best in building a family together. It doesn't matter If it's not yours. You can be a bigger man than the ex and give that child a great father.
 
F

Fight411

Active Member
Ask yourself if it was the other way around would she take you and your kid and play mommy happily ever after?
 
smokinheavy79

smokinheavy79

New Member
Padawanbater2 said:
So my gf and I break up, she gets another bf, a month later they break up and her and I start talking again. She finds out she's 6 weeks pregnant a day after I tell her we should get serious. I'm 99% sure it's her exbf's, not mine.

Wtf do I do?

She's already decided she's having it.
Click to expand...
go to maury
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
xKuroiTaimax said:
Maybe you were meant for eachother after all. If you love her, I wish you all the best in building a family together. It doesn't matter If it's not yours. You can be a bigger man than the ex and give that child a great father.
Click to expand...
True love must be built upon loyalty. The woman's actions were and are not loyal to OP, but to herself. That is very bad juju imo. I get a strong sense that her decision to get back together with Pad has little to do with love and all to do with security. cn
 
Padawanbater2

Padawanbater2

Well-Known Member
I have a really tough time knowing if it's love. I thought I was in love before and in retrospect it's clear it wasn't love. I don't know what that is so its really hard identifying it. I refuse to lie about something like that for someone's comfort. We have a pretty long history together, 2-3 years.. It would be hard not talking to her or seeing her.

We're both 24 years old.

Yeah that's one of the things that has always bothered me about her, we've separated a few times during that 3 year period for different reasons and each time I've still been 100% faithful with the hope of eventually getting back together, it was just something that didn't really occur to me to hook up with other girls (definitely could have) because she was there in the back of my mind.. But just about every time she was with a new dude. She's been sexually active with 3 other guys since we started dating 3 years ago. She revealed to me one of them was to "get back at me" for breaking up with her one of the times. The other ones was because she hates to be alone.. Knowing that hurts. She's since said she's over the 'games' like that..

Part of me thinks 'wtf is stopping her from doing the exact same thing if things get rocky for a few weeks again, she just going to find some replacement for me..?

It feels like it would be a constant reminder in my head seeing a kid I might raise.. 'I fucked someone else'..

Another thing that's really irking me is her story about it. I honestly don't buy it.. You good people give me your opinions.. She told me she only slept with him once, about a week after me and they used a condom.. So by some act of magic somehow she still ended up pregnant. Maybe it's just me but that's screaming 'bullshit!' to me...

Idk..

I really appreciate the help from everybody! She's effectively limited who I can talk to about this so you guys are all I've got.. I wonder what my dad would have to say about this...
 
amazingsandlad

amazingsandlad

Member
She's looking out for herself, you're thinking about looking out for the kid, who's looking out for you? I'm sure you have your own shortcomings, but you don't go out and fuck someone else any time she pisses you off. I'm thinking it's not so much the act of sleeping with someone else but the motivations behind it you ought to be thinking about. She's devious, and how is that going to play when there's an innocent kid in the picture for her to use to her advantage in addition to using you? She's not worth your time, energy, thought or emotions, at least as a lover. The kid, on the other hand - you can still play a positive role in someone's life without being married to their mom. I hate giving advice, I'm the last person who should be advising people, but if it were me the intimacy with her would stop and we would at most be friends, and if I were still around when the kid came along I would offer to help however I could, as long as I didn't feel taken advantage of or manipulated. In the end, though, you're the one who's flying the plane, you gotta fly that plane on your own. You've got to decide for yourself what you're willing and able to put up with, and whether the benefits are going to outweigh the costs, because you will be putting up with bullshit as long as you're involved with her.
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
I agree with your call of "bullshit!".
I also am put off by her promiscuity WHILE in a relationship.
Imo such a pattern doesn't magically break. Some folks have the strength of will to make that happen "because they promised", but many do not.
I have great sympathy for seeing someone through the rose-colored filter of love, which I think you are feeling toward her.
But love isn't only in the feeling but the doing.
And her doings are not in the "loyal, loving, I can trust this woman" category. Imo. cn
 
moash

moash

New Member
Padawanbater2 said:
I have a really tough time knowing if it's love. I thought I was in love before and in retrospect it's clear it wasn't love. I don't know what that is so its really hard identifying it. I refuse to lie about something like that for someone's comfort. We have a pretty long history together, 2-3 years.. It would be hard not talking to her or seeing her.

We're both 24 years old.

Yeah that's one of the things that has always bothered me about her, we've separated a few times during that 3 year period for different reasons and each time I've still been 100% faithful with the hope of eventually getting back together, it was just something that didn't really occur to me to hook up with other girls (definitely could have) because she was there in the back of my mind.. But just about every time she was with a new dude. She's been sexually active with 3 other guys since we started dating 3 years ago. She revealed to me one of them was to "get back at me" for breaking up with her one of the times. The other ones was because she hates to be alone.. Knowing that hurts. She's since said she's over the 'games' like that..

Part of me thinks 'wtf is stopping her from doing the exact same thing if things get rocky for a few weeks again, she just going to find some replacement for me..?

It feels like it would be a constant reminder in my head seeing a kid I might raise.. 'I fucked someone else'..

Another thing that's really irking me is her story about it. I honestly don't buy it.. You good people give me your opinions.. She told me she only slept with him once, about a week after me and they used a condom.. So by some act of magic somehow she still ended up pregnant. Maybe it's just me but that's screaming 'bullshit!' to me...

Idk..

I really appreciate the help from everybody! She's effectively limited who I can talk to about this so you guys are all I've got.. I wonder what my dad would have to say about this...
Click to expand...
cut ties bro
she is not the one for you
of course,if a dna test reveals,"You Are The Father" then step up to the plate
 
Padawanbater2

Padawanbater2

Well-Known Member
Now I find out she's reading my posts and apparently I lied to you guys about some stuff in an attempt to make her look worse and me look better.

Can't speak your mind if you can't be honest. This might lead to creating an entirely new profile or leaving the forums completely.. Been here since 2006
 
moash

moash

New Member
Padawanbater2 said:
Now I find out she's reading my posts and apparently I lied to you guys about some stuff in an attempt to make her look worse and me look better.

Can't speak your mind if you can't be honest. This might lead to creating an entirely new profile or leaving the forums completely.. Been here since 2006
Click to expand...
PM me your new screen name,if you get one...
 
BBYY

BBYY

Well-Known Member
start hiding coat hangers in the couch cushions, eventually she might sit on one. and tie fishing wire on the top of each flight of stairs
 
april

april

Pickle Queen
Aww don't allow her present insecurities and guilt make u feel the need to hide ur honest and truthful words. She decided to sleep with other men and now expects u to just accept this child as ur own, sorry but i would be cautious of her intentions solely based on her own actions and words. Does she LOVE or NEED u in her life? Everyone is sooo right in saying u will bond with this child regardless of blood if u love and want to be with her, but this means u must accept and forgive her actions which can be very hard with a constant reminder running around , dude ur such a wonderful person i wish she would accept the risk (if she and the baby are healthy) and take the test, i would hate for u to miss out on watching her change and it grow if it is yours, damn i never really realised what kinda shitty places women put men in sometimes :( Talk about light bulb moment ;)
 
olylifter420

olylifter420

Well-Known Member
pad, dump the bitch... if she was with a dude 1 month after you and her broke up, what makes you think she was not seeing him before you all broke up?

You gotta put 2 and 2 together bro... id be out of there quick and tell to fuck off and find some other stupid guy to play puppet on...

a saying my dad told me once when i was going through some similar problems, i hope you understand spanish..

"detras de un pendejo viene otro''
 
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