One Liners
- Thread starter Garybhoy11
- Start date
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
My wife once told me that women require a lot of time and consideration. I wish I had listened to her now. The police found her body in the woods almost straight away.
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
Went to a club in Essex at the weekend.
A woman stormed up to me and said, "Are you looking at my tits?"
I said, "No, not at all"
She said, "Well, why the fuck not?"
A woman stormed up to me and said, "Are you looking at my tits?"
I said, "No, not at all"
She said, "Well, why the fuck not?"
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
Whatever time of the month my girlfriend crashes my car, I always put it down to PMS.
Poor Motoring Skills.
Poor Motoring Skills.
Lt. Dan
Well-Known Member
Told the wife about a dream I had the other night...........I dreamed that they had a store where you could buy any size pussy you wanted...........
The wife said, "Did they have any like mine"?
I said, "Yes, they did. They were icing down beer in one, and throwing the empties in the other".
The wife said, "Did they have any like mine"?
I said, "Yes, they did. They were icing down beer in one, and throwing the empties in the other".
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
A wise old man once said to me..."Ok! Ok!... I'll tell you where my savings are! Just please stop hitting me!"
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
"You have no idea how amazing you look and how much it means to me being with you right now. I wouldn't change you for anything, at this point in time" Is what I said to my wife at her funeral.
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
Going on Dragon's Den next week. I invented an advent calender for Jehovah's Witnesses.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
My girlfriend tells me that I never satisfy her in bed and that I'm a loser.
So I entered a wanking tournament and came first. That'll show her..
So I entered a wanking tournament and came first. That'll show her..
Garybhoy11
Well-Known Member
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives, where people that knock on the door are let inside without a thorough inspection of their identity
UncleBuck
Well-Known Member
two men are out playing golf and they see a funeral procession. the one man takes off his hat as the procession passes. the other man says, that was a very nice thing for you to do.
the man put back on his hat and said, it's the least i could do, we were married for 40 years.
the man put back on his hat and said, it's the least i could do, we were married for 40 years.
UncleBuck
Well-Known Member
a man and his wife are out playing golf, and they both hit their drives into the woods. she tries to pull off a shot but hits a tree, the ball ricochets back and hits her, killing her.
a month later the man is out playing golf with his buddy and they both hit their drives in the same spots. the friend is about to try the same shot that the wife hit, but the man warns him: don't try that shot! last time i ended up making triple bogey.
a month later the man is out playing golf with his buddy and they both hit their drives in the same spots. the friend is about to try the same shot that the wife hit, but the man warns him: don't try that shot! last time i ended up making triple bogey.