The UK Growers Thread!

I was just chatting to a bloke in the pub.

He said, "What have you been up to today?"

I said, "I've spent the whole day shagging the missus."

He said, "You lucky bastard, I've been at work all day."

I said, "I know, she told me."
 
The wife and me were shagging away for about an hour solid last night when she said, "What's up can't you think of anyone either?"
 
a farmer in yorkshire see's a bloke drinking from his stream and shouts 'ay up cock,you dont wanna drink that its full of cow piss and shite,bloke replies 'speak slower im from pakistan' farmer replies 'oh i see,.... use....2 .....hands....and ...you...wont...spill.....any.
 
a cork lad takes his girlfriend home to meet his parents,he introduces her to his dad and says 'this is a amanda',father jumps up and replies 'its a fuckin whaa'
 
tip top toker said:
Aye, one male, one female :)
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They've had the mince pies out for months and months around here. Christmas pisses me off, such a joke of a day.
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amazing +rep
 
They are slightly pretty. I've a BSB x casey at the back of the cab that looks like it might throw out some nice purple as well :)

Fuck the sunshine making me feel guilty and that lot, i'll continue to sit in the dark wasting my weekend thankyou!
 
Patrick : Mum, I've got the biggest cock at nursery school, is that because I'm a big boy?

Mum: No, it because you're 28 and retarded. Now watch before you slever your spaghetti down your new Celtic top.
 
Two male drivers at a mini roundabout, both arrive at same time opposite sides - one flashes his lights other thanks him and they're off.

Two women same circumstances. Traffic Jam.

Two women same circumstances but both on the rag...Carnage.
 
well just got bak from feeding ducks at leeds armouries in leeds(obv) lol fukin hot to walk ther so we got bus and hot wen we got ther man indian summers eh!

fukin little en tho constanlty just trying to jump in river wtf fearless or wat!!LOL
 
Lol, hot it was, i walked 30 minutes into town with a joint, wandered around for 2 hours bought a pack of papers and some pick n mix and walked home with another joint. Very productive afternoon.
 
pissed off! ive bloody well stashed 6g of coke sumwhere and i cant fuckin find the damn stuff....my girl fucked off earlier on the pretence of going to the shop and left me wae ma wee boy , ma fuckin phone hasny stopped ringing from my suppliers wantin cash and the usual suspects are fuckin late payin their bills........thank fuck ahve got cider.
 
A boy was in a science class learning about sexually transmitted infections.

The teacher said, "Now there is nothing funny about syphilis."

The boy said, "There is if your doctor has a lisp."
 
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