Kids say the darndest things...

[cannabineer]

One of my friends kids would call a fire truck a tire f*ck. We'd have some beers and get her to say it for grins.

My one-year-old boy would call a train a choo-choo truck. But pronounced toddler style, it came out impressively digestive/impolite.
Clock, truck and fork were all pronounced the same. He still uses the word to this day, though with some evolution of emphasis what with he’s 19 and employed.

 

[DustyDuke]

The wife made Black Silkie Chicken soup for dinner and lil neo decided she's all of a sudden freaked out by it. She then proclaimed that she's now a vegetarian. I said cool. We then went down the list of what she can't eat now. There was only one deal breaker. So my kid is now a vegetarian (that eats beef jerky).

My daughter is a vegetarian (mums a vegan) but won’t give up bacon.
It makes me so happy when she eats it.
My wife just sits there glaring at me.
Which makes even happier.
Nice thread mate!

 

[DustyDuke]

My 2 year old says “piss” instead of “this”.
When we go shopping I get weird looks when he is constantly grabbing things saying “I want piss ” if I ignore him he yells “PISS DADDY PISS”.

 

[JohnGlennsGarden]

Two year old grabs an extra sucker for her sister, that's at school, when leaving the pediatrician. She finishes her sucker on the car ride home and proceeds to open the second sucker.

"Sissy wasn't proud or brave at the Dr, Mom," and puts it in her mouth.

 

[neosapien]

One of the funnier things you see is when you walk past their bedroom when they're supposed to be sleeping and witness the deer in the headlights-swan dive like a sack of potatoes- back into bed.

 

[JohnGlennsGarden]

Kids.
After opening countless presents for two days, instead of playing with them, mine spent the better part of Christmas night building a "machine" out of this 12 pack to dispense their candy.
Yep. They're mine.

 

[lokie]

Kids.
After opening countless presents for two days, instead of playing with them, mine spent the better part of Christmas night building a "machine" out of this 12 pack to dispense their candy.
Yep. They're mine.View attachment 4445011View attachment 4445012View attachment 4445013View attachment 4445014

That is a creative way to spend the afternoon.

Thanks for sharing.

What ages?
At least they were not trying to hack your Pornhub password.

 

[sandman83]

That is a creative way to spend the afternoon.

Thanks for sharing.

What ages?
At least they were not trying to hack your Pornhub password.

12345, who uses a password like that?? remind me to change my luggage code.



I love the canding dispensing machine, that is ingenious. My son keeps trying to get me into Minecraft but I just don't get the appeal.....

 

[JohnGlennsGarden]

12345, who uses a password like that?? remind me to change my luggage code.



I love the canding dispensing machine, that is ingenious. My son keeps trying to get me into Minecraft but I just don't get the appeal.....

Not really gamers. We might break out the wii 3, 4 times a year. Soccer balls are dribbled around the house, constantly and I built some pretty legit monkey bars for a last bday. That's how we roll.

 

[Singlemalt]

Kids.
After opening countless presents for two days, instead of playing with them, mine spent the better part of Christmas night building a "machine" out of this 12 pack to dispense their candy.
Yep. They're mine.View attachment 4445011View attachment 4445012View attachment 4445013View attachment 4445014

"DAD!!!!! refill our candy machine!!!"

 

[DustyDuke]

My 2 year old just went to town with the honey in our hallway. Here’s what I sort of scraped off the floor.

 

[scumrot derelict]

About a month or so ago, my (now teenager) declared me a "total cuntflap!" for saying no to her request for funds to take a trip to Arizona to hang out with her friends in an unsupervised house for 2 entire weeks straight.

that fucking stung actually, not gonna lie.

and then the fucking face. I had to see the fucking face. All parents know the one...

"total cuntflap!" --- </3

 

[curious2garden]

About a month or so ago, my (now teenager) declared me a "total cuntflap!" for saying no to her request for funds to take a trip to Arizona to hang out with her friends in an unsupervised house for 2 entire weeks straight.

that fucking stung actually, not gonna lie.

and then the fucking face. I had to see the fucking face. All parents know the one...

"total cuntflap!" --- </3

View attachment 4452017

Ahh how could you not!! CUNTWAFFLE

 

[scumrot derelict]

Ahh how could you not!! CUNTWAFFLE

I AM THE WORLD'S LARGEST CUNTFLAP C2G!

she wanted $400 - that seems a little suspicious for a teenager to be carrying around right? i'm not totally out of touch here?

 

[curious2garden]

I AM THE WORLD'S LARGEST CUNTFLAP C2G!

she wanted $400 - that seems a little suspicious for a teenager to be carrying around right? i'm not totally out of touch here?

In teenage dollars that is quite reasonable.

 

[scumrot derelict]

In teenage dollars that is quite reasonable.

Fuck. Really? My sister said the same thing, too! I told her she was just being dumb and wanted to dunk on me cause I'm better looking than her.

Now it is known. Forever branded.

 

[BarnBuster]

​

 

[jerryb73]

Daughter tonight while eating ribs. If we were vegetarians we would be missing out on these ribs

 

[neosapien]

The kid just stared at my scruff and said "daddy you got white hair". Then asked "Are you old?". Fuck, I am now.

 

[Craigson]

On Ellen they were talking about ‘something youve tried once but will never do again’
Little man (5yr old) blurts out ‘white cheese’ hahhahaha